Another new start

You seem to be quite positive at the moment. That's great!

Day 4. Pretty crappy day today, which woud usually lead to a gambling session. I refrained.

Not a lot of time to post a lengthy post tonight, but I still feel positive and already beginning to feel more at ease and more relaxed.

Stay safe all.

That's amazing you resisted temptation on a bad day, you're totally doing great!

Hope today brings you some smiles xxxxx You deserve them 🙂

Day 6. Improved focus, concentration, more energy, no shame, no regret. Remind me what positives gambling actually brings? None, that's what.

It feels good not throwing hours at something that was ultimately killing me. I'm too skint to appreciate doing other things, but even having increased free time to take a stroll through the park is very satisfying.

There is obviously still a massive grey cloud floating over my head, but I have pushed it further up into the sky and won't let it affect my recovery. I'm away to listen to some music and drift off to sleep.

Stay safe everyone. x

Day 7. Quick check in to say I'm doing well. A week without wasting my energy feels great.

that's great mask. Hope you have a great weekend xx

Hey Mask, Em, Gooner, Suzanne and Pinky

I am in the aame boat as you all and it wad great ro hear your accounts and thoughts. Wish you all the happiness and strength.

Willdo. Welcome.

Day ten complete for me. Double digits. A modest effort.

I won't be satisfied until I'm looking at four figure days, and then not even realising how many days I've gone. That is the ultimate aim.

I feel so much more energetic. That is the main difference so far. This is beginning to feel good.

Day 11. Pay day approaching. Barriers in place. No desire to continue losing. I accept defeat, I cannot beat you by continuing to play. But I can win, by not playing.

To be honest this has been easy so far. But when I actually have money available to me my mindset seems to completely switch.

Mask, you cannot beat it by continuing to play but equally, you cannot beat this on willpower alone! I can't go back through all of your posts to see what you have tried but the common theme on the most recent ones is a steely determination to stop but nothing more! It is easy not to gamble when we have no money, we are reeling from the most recent damage & the triangle is broken! You can't wish addiction away any more than you can wish depression gone...It takes hard work & determination to recover & you can do it but it's time to try something new, a bit of support through counselling, GP or a GA room. You really don't want to wake up like I did, wishing you had gotten help sooner!

Reach out & grab your life back - ODAAT

I have tried every single thing possible over the last decade. I have always returned to it so obviously nothing works for me.

Personally I believe, will power alone can be enough. Once we have truly accepted the fact that we are defeated then I believe we can kick this addiction into touch. I get absolutely nothing from GA meetings and every therapist I've had has been terrible. I'm not making excuses, I have tried everything. I appreciate your comments though.

Don't let addiction kid you that you have tried everything Mask...I have been back through all of your threads tonight & suggest you do the same if you genuinely think willpower is going to work. I do agree that once we truly admit defeat we can recover but I believed you meant this everytime you wrote it! Having this secret since your 23 months clear has allowed addiction to get a strangle hold on you & caused you to make attempts @ your life rather than come clean to your loved ones...They will not want to lose you!

Apart from mention of a psychiatrist that many of us asked you about & you never really responded there is no mention of new attempts @ counselling, or GA or whether your GP has helped @ all. Apparently you have to kiss a few frogs to find a good counsellor & if you haven't tried one of the GC ones yet, surely it's worth a shot? You know the pattern, you come here broke, adamant that you never want to gamble again & then come pay day the gambling monkey jumps on your back & you don't have the strength to pull him off. Instead of abandoning your diary @ these times, come here, keep busy, stay safe!

Early 30's means there's a whole lifetime ahead of you. Recovery is hard, but you only need to read one person's diary to realise how much better life is when not gambling...Yours!

Hi Mask

Sorry to hear about your slip. I just want to echo ODAAT's excellent post.

Obviously you've been here a few times before and well done for having the guts to do so. But as ODAAT says, the very clear pattern is - make a strong start and then vanish. It is not clear what is different this time.

Suggesting that you might now have truly accepted defeat, and that this time you will do it on will power alone, suggests you are simply 'giving it another shot'. Which is good, it's better than not doing this.

But as ODAAT says, I don't think you should give up on trying to get support. It's undoubtedly true that there are some psychs or GA groups which are bad ones. But on the other hand, the good ones far outweigh the bad. So I feel you should keep trying.

With respect (as you have previously given a lot of support here), you need to be careful of 'buying into' thoughts which justify you not taking a proactive approach - the thoughts which say 'nothing works' or 'I have tried every single thing'. Be wary of elevating these thoughts into 'facts', cos they're not. They look to me like your trying to 'rationalise' not doing anything, if that makes sense.

I managed to give myself a million and one reasons for a) pretending I wasn't an addict (for all those 15+ years and £100k +) and then b) not reaching out for support. If I could pretend I wasn't an addict and not reach out for support then I could keep my addiction going of course. As I think I am a 'rational' kind of a guy, I had to keep the lie going by giving myself loads of b****x reasons for doing so.

Is your mind creating loads of barriers to getting support? Don't buy into these limiting thoughts. There's a bigger picture here which is your health and relationships with loved ones. Can you be led by this big picture rather than the mental barriers your mind will throw up (which is perfectly natural) - and start taking small steps towards getting support. (For example, it might start with some internet research about psychs or asking questions on here about GA or other methods)

I am not disputing that you might well have been unlucky with getting previous bad apples re GA or psych. But it might be that your approach is wrong - it's difficult but you have to really approach these things with a fairly open mind otherwise you're not going to get much out of it.

Wishing you all the very best

Louis

An excellent 2 posts above there!

Hello Mask, a very appropriate name I think, as I've worn many different ones in my life.

Kudos for not giving up, but this is one sly of an addiction. I really sit on the fence whether will power alone works by it self. I have noticed you appear, then randomly reappear, so maybe for a start use these diarys on a daily basis and connect with people you can relate to. It's quite warming getting support and passing it on, and there's no shame in relapsing but sure gets harder.

I think just by being here and having the nous to find this forum, shows your determination, now it's finding what suits you and keeping the mind open, rather than dismissing.

Hope you're okay Mask x