Morning Phil,
And a very happy new gambling free year to you too.
Suzanne xx
I have many vivid memories from this time last year, I can remember how I felt and learn from that this time round. I'm more clued up and feel more in control of my emotions and my mind. 2015 can be full of joy and happiness, its in my hands and one day at a time I need to stay strong. I've not had a counselling appointment for a couple of weeks and I'm looking forward to it resuming next week.
So my afternoon is sadly going to be spent in work and I'm really gutted about missing the darts, might have to have a few sneaky looks at skygo as my night goes on. But its double time and its a much better place to be than in a bookies. Theres usually a full football fixture today but for some reason this year its just the premier league. Big FA Cup match coming up on Saturday though and I'm excited about that.
No bets for me today, the days are adding up and I'm feeling good!
Well done Phil,
Suzanne xx
Quite a dull Friday today, I'm off work but don't really want to go out spending today. If I'm to get a car and have a good holiday this year I need to budget better than I did last year. Had a good weigh in this morning, I did quite well over the Christmas period as I mostly stuck to my diet and lost two pounds over the last two weeks. I'm getting close to weighing the least I have since I was a teenager, next challenge will be keeping it off, I need to get into regular exercise and stick at it.
No urges at the moment, it feels so strange to have gone from being close to giving up the fight to now be finding it easy. I have money in the bank but theres no urges to gamble. Clearly my barriers are stronger and getting my money off my mum wouldn't be easy, but that doesn't mean the urges go away. However at the moment there are no urges.
Got another text off a clown from work yesterday saying do you fancy any horses today. Hes not a friend, I don't see him out of work and I have told him time and time again not to talk about racing with me. The worrying thing is that hes close to getting a job in my department in work and then I will have to listen to gambling talk constantly. I hope he doesn't get the job as its going to make things testing for me. I will keep telling him I'm not interested, but its all he talks about and if its not with me it will be in the office with a colleague and I will obviously overhear things that I don't want to know. Its something I need to find a solution to, speaking to my boss is a last resort because if I do he will then tell everyone in work as he is a big mouth and can't be trusted.
Day 34 and I'm regretting volunteering to do a few hours overtime tonight. After watching another amazing nights darts last night I really don't want to miss it tonight, I will have to skyplus it and watch it when I get in. I was gutted for Stephen Bunting he played so well and as hes local to me I'm a big fan. Hes definately got the best walk on music! I think Barney will take Taylor out tonight and I'm rooting for Anderson to beat Van Gerwan, but can't see anyone stopping Van Gerwan. Before work I'm going to the match, FA Cup today and Swansea are in town, I'm excited and if they rest a few big names and we have a good day anything can happen!
Once again no urges and feeling good, I have written a list of things I want to do this year, without gambling I will get most of them ticked off!
Really tired this morning as I was up late fixing my pc and doing the update for the 2015 challenge. I will be glad to get work done with tonight, Sundays usually a busy day so hopfully the time will fly. The football yesterday was entertaining, we played better than the scoreline suggests. I'm looking forward to an away day in Morecambe next Saturday. I was so wrong on the darts, I'm looking forward to the final tonight. I think its too close to call and hope Taylor can finally get his first world champs 9 darter.
I'm feeling so strong right now and have no interest in gambling! Long may it continue.
Another morning where I wake up without any bad thoughts or feelings, I have a long way to go, but things are slowly getting better. I still have lots to work on, I need to fill life with more things to do, but hopefully things will come together as time goes by. Money is tight until the end of the month, but I've got enough and I've no pressures on my finances. I'm really looking forward to hitting day 100 as last year this is when my mood changed and gambling thoughts started creeping back, this time round I'm more hopeful I will be in a better place.
I've been looking for a cheap second hand car this morning, because of my gambling I've not had a car for a couple of years. However my finances are now much better and I should be able to get one shortly. However something has just come into my mind, the car makes it easier to have a bet! Whilst a car would make getting to work easier and allow me to have a better social life I was briefly a little worried! I feel strong at the moment and don't want a bet. I feel after last year I'm better placed to have a succesful 2015 and not slip up, also my mum controls my finances strictly so I guess I couldn't gamble. But it is a slight worry, however I do need a car. I'm fed up of my job and having a car allows me to find a new job without worrying about it being too local. Also it allows me to join a gym and not be limited to when I can go and which gym I can join. So I think I need to go ahead with it and get one.
No dark thoughts today, still feeling happy, but will be happier come 10 tonight when works finished!
Sounds like there would be a lot of positives for you buying a car . Your doing the right things I think it's s good investment and shows what you can have through not gambling
Car sounds like a good plan mate. You are thinking ahead of the potential disaster by going in a bookies.
Keep planning your days ahead so that you know you won't be gambling. Makes a change from planning stuff around going to gamble 🙂
After a couple of weeks off because of the Christmas period my counselling starts again today. I'm looking forward to it, althout I have woken up today feeling really rough with a bad throat and will be glad to get work done with later. Good things are happening in life right now, I'm making the right choices and have plenty to look forward to. No bets today, no urges, I don't need it!
Great reading this diary , how many days since your last bet ?
Thanks John, today is day 39. I will be glad to get today done in work and have my two days off! Not much planned for Friday, but a footy awayday in Morecambe on Saturday will be good fun. That last days gambling needs to stay in my mind as a reminder why I should never set foot in a bookies again. I don't want a bet and feel stronger than ever. One thing I can do on Friday is some self excluding. I'm self excluded locally, but there is a wave of bookies slightly further afield but close enough to access that I need to exclude from. So I will do that tomorrow morning.
Excellent work mate.
Glad to see you are still a day behind! Don't want you catching up or falling behind! Let's keep the momentum going!
Enjoy the two days off mate
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