Better to Ramble than Gamble.

I'm not had a bet today or since my last post.

I'm not one for counting days but 300 days is a nice round number. I most say thank you from all the post it really means a lot. I will reply to all of you in time thank you

I must laugh I'm sat in the garden with my mum and dad at this time having a beer and she told me earlier one of my brothers popped round and asked for a beer and she told him no as she only had the one left which she saves for me in a Tuesday after my GA metting top girl my mum. I picked a few beers up on my way home from GA and we are sat in the garden chewing the fat about the last 300 days and she is so proud of me as I am with myself didn't think I would get to here but just goes to show if you put in the graft you get the rewards.

I'll leave you with this we can't win because we can't stop and nothing changes if nothing changes but at the end of the day it's better to ramble than gamble.

JFT KTF I certainly am

ill have to post to my old mucker Deano here since he throew his toys out of the pram and deleted more diaries than they have been Rocky films, Its been a pleasure to intteract with you both on and offline, weve pulled eachother up on a several occaiosn and will continue to do so, we will meet up hopefully in a few months and have a few beers. keep keeping it real mate.

KTF

Sorry for taking over the forum but i was overwhelemed with all the commebts yesterday and wanted to post back to all of you to express my gratidue for the unconditional support i have had. onto the next challange of the year inch closer ODAAT.

KTF

Hi all.

Well done deano and oldham. You have formed a strong bond. Out of the badness of gambling good prevails.

It's not like a fobt is a friend. The fobt is selfish and only your mate when you have money. If you were in a relationship with a fobt you'd say. 'Let's half the bill for dinner' the fobt would not pay a penny. A leech on society.

TOAD

Hi and many thanks for your kind words.

We help each other. Sometimes we take the advice and sometimes we dont. Its human nature but the help comes from within and you have counted days and looked at the addiction for what it is.

Proud to have walked alongside you and thank you for all your help.

Best wishes

Congratulations Martin! Not always easy but ALWAYS worthwhile.

PS I got a tear in my eye for your mom thinking how proud she must feel:)

Cathyx

Have never posted anything to you but have often read your posts. So congrats on the 300 days. As a parent I am so pleased for you and your Mum - You are both proving to be an inspiration to others on here.

I wish you a bright future and many more 300 days!!

Not had a bet today or since my last post.

Thank you Cathy and Gamparentanon, she is very proud which is a nice feeling she certainly wasn’t when i turned up with my black bags but she has stuck by me and been a rock for me best way i can pay that back is to continue to make her proud and remain gamble free.

I signed on for my old pool team last night, not played for about 6 years other than the odd game in the pub, gambling took that away from me my money had other priorities want with £20 came home with change, it used to be £100 with the fruit machine and a few games of cards taking the majority. I lost but did not disgrace myself played well in defeat. In time with a bit more practice (great reason to get out for a pint) I’m sure i will get back to my old reasonably high standard. Enjoyable night had to decline a game in the doubles as they always play for a pound a corner and passed on the name card which is there to pay for the food just chucked a quid in the pot.

A frustrating journey into work this morning some lady thought it was acceptable to eat a curry for her breakfast stinking the bus out, I Know a curry for breakfast she maybe couldn’t wait till her lunch lol. Once she finished she again thought it was acceptable in paint her nails and again fill the air with the smells of her nail polish remover than the distinctive scent of the nail varnish its self. It was fun to see her smudge when we went over a speed bump.

All this was done while she was wearing a bright blue T-shirt advertising some online gambling site telling me how good it would be to have a daily dabble and win cash and cars no mention of losing cash and your family but when the fun stops, Stop. I could feel myself looking at the back of this t-shirt glancing up every 2 mins just shows these firms have their staff advertising probably without even knowing it. Rant over.

KTF

Curry AND nail varnish?!? On a bus?!? Surely that's illegal?!? Bloody t-shirt should be (angry emoji)! Just another prime example of why the bloodsuckers arent deserving of our hard earned!

Wish my mum was as supportive as yours...Whenever the question of money raises its head (a lot) even after all this time her response is "have you done it all again?" Keep making everyone proud - ODAAT

Haven't had a bet today or since my last post.

When I was a gambler one of my biggest skills(I use the word lightly) was my ability to lie till the cows, sheep or bloody dodo came home, I was like a double agent and very rarely got caught out and when I did I was very creative at deflecting it.

Gambling cost me my relationship with my now ex and 10 months on its not coming back I admitted this a few months ago and it's time to move on for me and her.

I have no concrete evidence but lots of circumstantial and coincidences that my ex has moved on, and that's fine as long as he does right by my son I won't have an issue.

This is where my dilemma comes in my ex has always been honest and straight talking but maybe because I was an expert liar I keep catching get out, for instance yesterday she said she was going to see a mutual friend have a day out and spend the night so could I have my son, not a problem a bonus night for me. But then our mutual friends puts pictures of them celebrating his birthday at a tree adventure place with their kids down in Walesand staying over at there caravan on FB, I really can't see the ex all harnessed up climbing trees and a sailing. tonight I get asked if I can have Jacob on Wednesday as she has left her bank card at her thus mural friends so needs to go and pick them up on Wednesday as she is not free tomorrow and her car is in for MOT and yet more pictures appear on FB of them still in Wales, how did the ex get home for half 10 this morning.

There has been lots more things, so I'm pretty sure something is going on.

I don't want all the details and won't interfere but I don't like the fact that its turning her into a liar, maybe she thinks she's protecting me. A bit of me thinks she might be enjoying it after all I lied to her for years.

I was going to keep playing the game until she wanted to tell me but I want to let her know I'm ok with it. maybe it's a new relationship and she wants to know it's worth mentioning I suspect it's a month maybe 6 weeks old

She goes on holiday Friday with Jacob and her brothers family. My thinking is I'll give it a week after she gets back and then maybe bring the subject up

Well that was a ramble been on my mind for a while better out than in think I will share this tomorrow at GA aswell get some feedback there

KTF

Hiya Martin, just read your post and if it were me I'd just come out and ask her straight ? , your obviously fine with it and as you said all you need to know is that your son gets the attention he deserves , maybe part of it is that she's trying to protect you a little from the truth but youv'e accepted things and after all your both adults so if she's awarer your ok then no need for anymore silly games .

You said that we all become expert liars and your absolutely right , I guess it just feels a bit strange for us to be on the receiving end for a change and you know the old saying " You can't kid a kidder " :))

Stay safe old pal x

Hi Martin, it's a tough one. As Alan says you could just come out with it and ask her although it's easier said than done. One benefit out of it all is you get to see your lad more often which is great. Maybe she's just waiting until it's a proper relationship to tell you? As you said yourself as long as they do right by your son you won't have an issue. It would be nice to have the truth out in the open though as we all know only too well!

All the best

Thank you for the post dude
Sorry for spitting my dummy out
Still. Something I'm working on is. Not running away when the P**P. Hits the fan.
Always a pleasure to walk the journey with you.
Deano x

Just had a catch up ...hope the pool team are successful. ...something to look forward to each week...are local league folded couple years ago...shame...but happens in rural areas...Any way...knock em dead lol
Been thinking about your ex..
You know her the best...so id go with gut instincts. ...it's all bound to be a bit weird...it's another new chapter in your lives...like you said...the main things your little man...I hope you get to spend lots of time with him in hols...cheap b and b next door to me....and I've got a pool table !. .lol

Not had a bet today or since my last post.

Having a pretty good week have a bit of clarity in my thinking and feel a bit rejuvenated.

Had a great GA meeting on Tuesday i chaired which I always enjoy and pushed the boundaries by going international. Well all the way to Benidorm lol. One of the regular group members joined us on Skype from his villa, spoke to us the week before about being worried about missing 3 weeks while away, commitment for a guy who is 8 years gamble free, shows how serous we must take this. We're going to ask if his wife can do s therapy as she set up a gamanon meeting others have heard before and say how powerful it is, really looking forward to it, I'm sure it will be hard to listen to but I feel will be hugely beneficial.

I said by to me son last night for a week, he's off on his hols with the ex and her family. His first holiday without me, I got a little upset last night which set him off. Bloody hell in at it agony on the bus holding back the tears. I snapped myself out of it quick took my mind of it and thought he will have a great time, yes things might be different he won't be sneaking off with me for a few pints in the afternoon to get out of the heat, obviously he was on a Fanta Lemon. I'm going to enjoy it I have the old house to myself. It will be nice to have some space to myself, looking forward to just the simple things like going food shopping and cooking and being able to chill even walk around b**t naked if I want.

Should be a good weekend took a few days off to make the most of it might nip for a pint tonight like a Friday tea time pint sets the weekend up in going to have lots of fun this weekend.

KTF