Can't afford to Fail

8 Days gamble free... Why does it feel like 8 years????

Sally - really proud of you especially with the bank card fiasco - amazing that you didnt cave in. I can tell you are really determined!!!! Well done you. I feel the same I am on day 37 and it feels like forever - been a bit tempted today myself but we can do this together! xxxx

Well done on 8 days Sally,

Onwards and upwards you go

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Wants2stop and Suzanne for your words of support

Well day 9 for me and there will be no gambling today.

I am not finding the abstinence bit hard because I have made it impossible to gamble but I am finding the living without it very hard. I am empty, I have nothing to fill the whole gambling has left in my days. I am struggling with my work(getting enough in) which makes me panick about next months bills and have long empty hours each day.

I am struggling to clear my head.

i am struggling to find any fun anywhere.

I am struggling to find any future goals.

And as always I struggle to leave the house.

I guess although I live with my husband and teenage son I am so lonely.

Gambling took me away from my own thoughts.

I now need to build a new life but don't know where to start. (Having very limited funds does not help.)

At least it's Friday.

Hi Sally,

What you are feeling is not unusual, it will get better as you put in more days because you will get stronger every day you abstain.

NT has a very good thread on the overcoming gambling thread, about stuff to do to keep the mind occupied.

Stay strong and keep going. You are doing really well.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Sally.
I to am having to find things to do. in the last 2 yrs I have completely turned my life upside down. I went from social to recluse in a short time and didn't even see what was happening. But yesterday I got a taste of "normality" really enjoyed it but its made me realise that not only am I fighting an addiction im also having to find my life again xx

Hope you have a good day. Stay strong.

Emzy xx

Morning all, and thank you for your help.

Well it's Sunday morning and I am feeling a lot better than I was Friday having had a good day yesterday. Didn't do much (Sainsburys shop & a couple of DVD,s with a nice meal and a glass or 3 of red wine.)

Weekends are always better for me as I get more company around.

I will be cooking again today (So much for Mothers Day) and have a pile of ironing that I have been looking at since Wednesday and is not getting any smaller on its own so will give in and potter on with that.

On my friend Klamms advise, I dug out my kindle and had it charging over night so am also looking forward to getting a couple of books downloaded today which I am hoping will help next week.

On the gambling front, I am doing ok but only because with my block in place it is impossible for me to give in to the many, many, many thoughts & wishes. I am sure that if possible I would have caved in on Friday.

Wishing everybody a lovely Mothering Sunday.

xx

Well done on getting this far Sallyw.

I would personally call the bank and ask to log an official complaint regarding the card. Under the circumstances you made a perfectly reasonable request and they failed to follow it, which could have ended up costing you money and your psychological well being.

Morning all.

Thanks for the post...

NT... I checked out your "Tips on Keeping Busy" and took some pointers from it. (But tempting as it maybe I don't think I will be cleaning the oven anytime soon. Ha,ha.) It's a great thread and one I will visit often.

Scothed... I did think of making a complaint but with all communications done over the phone with no proof there seemed little point in getting my knickers in a twist over it ... We all know what banks can be like.

Well it's my Day 13 and it's Monday again!!!

I can already feel my mood going down.

Not much work lined up... Maybe I need a new job.

But mine is well paid (When there is some) and I can do it from home. (I struggle with going out.)

Did the struggle start or get worse by working from home?? Yes, I think it did.

I am rambling... Just typing my thoughts. Maybe in the hope of reading them back at some point and gaining clarity or seeing a way forward.

A way out of this life that I find myself soooooo stuck in.

No gambling for me today, so no escapism for me today.

Why does that make me sad? Even frighten me a little!

What is wrong with me?????????????????????????????

Hey Sally thought I'd drop by just read through your diary I sympathise as I hate being alone, or even the feeling lonely and working from home would not be ideal for me,
reading is good if you find the right book I can escape into it, is there anything else that intrest you?? Side craft hobbies maybe even turning that into a little side job?? Cards etc
Your doing great at 13 days and blockers in place I guess it's more the head side of things you need to find ....I hope you find the music needed to for fill this
keep strong keep fighting and thank you for all your support x

Nothing wrong with you Sally these are very normal feelings. You must remember gambling has been part of your life so it is difficult just to forget it. Its like with me when I say that I am not going to eat chocolate i start to stuff it down my gob!!! Sorry I am not trying to be funny just lightning the mood!!! Trying anyway! You are doing really well. Leave the oven maybe do some ironing! I sing in a choir. This helps me forget for an hour and a half each week. It does help me. The women are great and we have a laugh. Keep up the good work take care x

Thanks.

Tuesday. My last visit to my diary. I have not gambled again and I won't.

But not gambling changes nothing

And talking on hear to people I will never meet changes nothing.

talking in councilling changes nothing.

Talking, talking , talking changes nothing.

I don't want to talk anymore to anyone... It's pointless. It changes NOTHING

Truth time.

It's sunny and I can hear the birds singing.... Part of me wants to step outside... But a bigger part does not want to go.

My mum wants to see me, I moan at being lonely... but I don't want to see her.

I hate her... There I said it. ... I don't know why but I do. Picturing her face, hearing her voice makes me angry.

Maybe because she refuses to accept or see how I feel. (Silly me... It's easy... Just go outside)

My husband. I love him but hate him too.

I have begged him for help.. I have told him how sick I am.

But he can't handle sickness he can't see.

As long as I am there keeping house... All is fine.

I am not stupid... I know I am depressed... I know I need to go see my doctor and maybe have anti depressants BUT how do I see my doctor... How do I get the pills I need??? .... When I can not leave the house.

Everybody else... Well... They turn a blind eye.

I cry, I shout, I scream out for help.... But nobody listens.

They talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk,talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

No more talking for me.

please don't stop sharing Sally but also don't stop listening

Rather than say I can't afford to fail, I say i can't afford to stop trying

Tri

Hey Sally there will be days you feel like you can't take it anymore and maybe your right maybe talking doesn't change anything but does bottling it up??
Your doing so well not only sharing but supporting so many people on here please don't shut down now....
maybe no body can help,but u can help your self u have been doing your hear your sharing what your going through and we a listening .... supporting you even if we may never meet you have touched many of our lives this will not go forgotten,
try .... one step open your door feel the breeze and just listen to the birds for two minutes and smile to yourself you've come this far you can do it Sally :0) xx