DAY 33 GF
Good weekend spent with loved ones, had a few thoughts of gambling but the knowledge that i cant soon pushes them away.
The spare time i have has got me thinking deeply about the past, especially a previous relationship which is really bothering me. The failures, the intense highs, the incredible lows. Very similar to gambling in all honesty, and perhaps its why i am thinking about it more now than before.
Trying to stay positive.
DAY 35 GF
Finding it really tough emotionally now - randomly, said ex partner reached out and got in touch out of the blue after over a year which is so odd, almost like telepathic thoughts have been exchanged.
Not in a good mental state as a result and i think the height of my gambling has been entirely down to escaping the unfinished business with this ex partner. A very weird time all considered.
I am in a loving happy relationship, yet more tests are being thrown my way and more covering up to be done. Not who i am or who i want to be, feel like i have taken 1 step forward, and 5 steps back.
DAY 35 GF
Finding it really tough emotionally now - randomly, said ex partner reached out and got in touch out of the blue after over a year which is so odd, almost like telepathic thoughts have been exchanged.
Not in a good mental state as a result and i think the height of my gambling has been entirely down to escaping the unfinished business with this ex partner. A very weird time all considered.
I am in a loving happy relationship, yet more tests are being thrown my way and more covering up to be done. Not who i am or who i want to be, feel like i have taken 1 step forward, and 5 steps back.
Test's will come in many forms 88 , It's no biggie just life doing what it does best and you can only deal with what's in front of you on any given day but don't let it become a reason to go back to gambling .
If the relationship is over and you've moved on then a line has to be drawn at some point where you leave it behind and focus on what you have now .
You still have a choice in to tell or not and as always that's something only you can decide , if and when the times right .
Judging by the last couple of post's it seem's someone's resurfaced again albeit under a different guise :)).
All the best for now mate 🙂 .
checking in, DAY 42 GF
no urge to gamble whatsoever, enjoying not checking my bank every hour to see what is left, or what isn't left !
have given the forum a miss for a week as feel like it was impacting negatively on me and i was not getting the positivity i once was. I will keep updating however, and hope everyone who has offered great words of advice is continuing in their recovery!
DAY 49 GF
had a few urges of late due to overspending elsewhere - starting a few new hobbies and buying equipment etc! Guess the urges come when money is being spent as i think 'i could win that in a few minutes' then i quickly remember how much i have lost.
looking forward to 50 days tomorrow, a milestone i set myself and i am going to hit.
DAY 51 GF
in all honesty, the sport side of it doesn't bother me, have never had big wins on sport just a few here and there. That doesn't draw me back in, its the slots, the quick fix of winning a few thousand in a few minutes but the reality of losing double that in half the time soon jumps to the front of my mind and reminds me not to go back.
At least i am spending money and having something to show for it of late, taking up hobbies has been helpful.
looking forward to two months GF and then the 100 day milestone.
checking in DAY 56 GF
emotions all over the place, never felt so down in all my life. Has hit me like a brick in the face over the last 3 days remembering things, being argumentative, frustrated, tired, drained, losing concentration, easily provoked and so on.
Trying to find a way to get all manner of thoughts out of my head and remain calm and collected. Proving difficult.
i have mentally drawn the line under everything i have done, and will not ever gamble at a casino / online casino ever again. I went to a casino with my mates and didn't gamble and it was surprisingly easy, getting addicted to the number of days GF to be honest.
i almost feel like i have withdrawal symptoms from something i am not bothered about if that makes sense? is that a thing that can happen? i guess i have gone from gambling at its worst £150k per month (not losing, just gambling with), to not spending a single penny overnight. That must have some sort of implication.
i am far too shy to go to GA, i would be a wreck, worrying someone might see me, seeing someone i know etc. Unfortunately that isnt the place for me right now because i have stopped gambling and do not ever see myself going back, nor do i want to.
I went to a casino with my mates and didn't gamble and it was surprisingly easy, getting addicted to the number of days GF to be honest.
And you will probably find at some stage that it will be surprisingly easy to gamble again should you continue to go to casinos.
Its a recipe for disaster.
I went to a casino with my mates and didn't gamble and it was surprisingly easy, getting addicted to the number of days GF to be honest.
I did this once, also found it surprisingly easy, was really proud of myself after the visit.
A year later I was gambling again though.
Not sure if the two were directly related in any way or not?
All I know this time is that I'm almost a year going strong and I just don't want gambling in my life anymore, who would actually want to go to a casino with their mates and watch them gamble? As I say, I've done it and when I think about it now, it was a rubbish night out for me.
Why did I go? To appease them? To prove a point to myself? To test myself?
Any of those means that I am still weak to the prospect of gambling again. Should that particular scenario ever arise again in my life i'll just say I'm not coming? I've got better things to do with my time now?
i almost feel like i have withdrawal symptoms from something i am not bothered about if that makes sense?
Ps all of this wears off in the end, with time...
What will you have done, what armoury would you have built up, what steps would you have taken, where would you have concentrated your efforts on building up a strong resilience against gambling when this feeling does subside and your vulnerable again?
You need to work this recovery. It's not magic im afraid.
My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last.
I really love the tagline attached to your profile by the way. Just reminding you of it because im sure when you wrote it you weren't of the mindset that it was going to be as easy to beat as your recent posts infer. Seems like you were trying to convince yourself more than you were trying to convince us.
Please work this my friend. Don't be one of those return customers on this forum. Work it every day. You will notice the difference.
I did this once, also found it surprisingly easy, was really proud of myself after the visit.
A year later I was gambling again though.
Not sure if the two were directly related in any way or not?
I suspect sub-consciously when we did this, we are "testing" ourselves, maybe to prove that we can gamble normally or be around 'action' normally.
We (or at least I) can't.
If I went to the races - I'd still be picking my horses out & thinking about how much I could have won.
I went to a casino with my mates and didn't gamble and it was surprisingly easy, getting addicted to the number of days GF to be honest.
And you will probably find at some stage that it will be surprisingly easy to gamble again should you continue to go to casinos.
Its a recipe for disaster.
it was a planned birthday trip so i couldn't not go, well i could, but i would be avoiding social situations. i went to prove to myself i could do it and i did so i am happy it went as well as it could have. Appreciate what you are saying though, i definitely wont make a habit of it!!
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