Day 0

Hi @2020nick,

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to read that things are such a struggle for you right now. Well done for reaching out with what you're going through, that's such a positive step. I'm sure the other forum users will be commenting soon to welcome you and offer their wisdom of experience. It sounds like you could really do with some more support than you have, please get in touch with our advisers on the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or Netline (www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now). There's someone available to talk to 24/7, they will listen non-judgmentally, talk you through all the tools and support that's available, and help you make a plan to start moving forward. 

All the best,

Elizabeth
Forum Admin

Hi @2020nick

I hope that you wake today in a positive way as  you’ve take a big step by opening up about gambling & how it’s made you feel... Please continue to reach out & ask all the questions you have & to open up to how you feel as this is a safe place to do that.  

If you ever want to chat please come say hi... 

Hoping you have a great free day! And well done for taking this step.

Hi @2020nick, I hope today you feel a bit better with a few responses to your post! I felt the exact same way a couple of weeks ago & I didn’t feel I was able to continue but that’s part of the addiction, you have to keep talking to people wether that be friends, family or forums or chat rooms! Whatever way you feel comfortable please, please continue to speak out! The loses are unfortunately gone, leave them be & focus on now and then one day at a time! If you have someone you can trust let them help with finances to take away that temptation and use blocking tools! They really do help! I haven’t gambled for over 2 weeks and opening up and not trying to cover up my tracks has taken a huge weight of my shoulders! You will feel better but if you continue to gamble you will not! I wish you all the best

Thankyou for you replies it was nice to wake up to...

woke up feeling sick to the stomach again.. maybe tomorrow that feeling might release a little...

if I get through today without Gambling it will be good. If I can write tomorrow I’m on day 2 that is maybe something that will make me less sick..at be this is the gambling Hangover, the thought of losing more makes me feel sick, I don’t ever want to feel like that again.. never want to feel that compulsion.

its down to me though i know if I can do this maybe I can do anything.. No one likes self pity but I can’t shake it right now

Hi @2020nick

Keep on the same way you’ve been today & yesterday... Small steps of your own gains day by day... Keep a tally record of your days ticked off so that you’re always aware of how many gambling free days you’re doing... This will give you that small attention,focus & distraction your brain craves plus it’s a great achievement for every gambling free day you’ve done.

As @jadiebby85 has said talking is a huge aid in all of this... Good or bad let it out to someone. The more it’s out of your head & shared or written down the better your mind will be.

Be proud of what you’ve achieved by going these first few days & steps... It’s a huge accomplishment that you shouldn’t ignore.

Speak again soon

Thankyou all I had a major wobble tonight I was googling sites, I was just looking .. I know I can’t why was I looking... I got that anxious feeling.. I had dinner watched some tv but it wouldn’t go away.. so I read your relplies again and I didn’t want to.. it seemed stupid to feel like that again.. I called my mum and spoke about the space shuttle, she knew.. i can tell from my voice I hadn’t done anything stupid again .. and I feel ok now

one tiny step and i feel better than taking a massive step back

hopefully tomorrow I can be proud I done a day

Nick2020

fella some very good advice given and well done for reaching out not only here but to your parents. The bottom line is the compulsion to gamble is like any other addiction progressive in its nature, no punt however large will be enough, equally no win will ever stop a compulsive gambler winning.

in my eight years here and in the GA rooms I am yet to meet either an author of a diary or a person in real life who says I need help I can’t stop winning. Why ?? Because we all live by the same mantra 

I cannot win because I cannot stop 

Through the despair and self destruction of our gambling all is not lost, there’s a way for you to win , don’t place that next bet, put as many blocks into place as possible, there is a triangle 

Time - money- location 

break one at all times and the next punt is impossible, that won’t cure you alone but it will buy you the next best thing time, time to work on yourself, why did you gamble?

for me it was to escape, escape from the terrible dark feelings of the inner most part of my mind. I never gambled to win, in fact to win would be a hindrance, it would prolong that episode nothing more.

A very wise man wrote some wise words 

to repeat the same thing over and again and expect the outcome to be different is the definition of insanity.

thats me active, all rational thinking gone, I zoned out, a war could erupt outside the door of the bookies and as long as I could feed the fobt I wouldn’t care.

fella break the triangle, seek help, find honesty and become the best version of yourself, by and large we are not bad people, we are lost in addiction.

just for today be kind to yourself 

Duncs

Wow... This is another big stride forward... You’re in early days & early moments of this. You will 100% be all over the place with your feelings & emotions... Your thoughts will betray you into going to that dark place of gambling as it’s been a safety blanket for you - A HUGE false safely blanket I’ll add... But you’ve had that thought of presence to say “NO”... Again do not ignore what a BIG stand & achievement that is in itself...

Keep on with these small gains & acknowledge them...  Write a diary of your thoughts, good & bad... Start to think about things that you think will aid & help you... This is a good focus point as you can trial & error what works for you & what doesn’t... There is no bible to this recovery, we talk things through & this helps us all but it must come from yourself first & foremost... Sobriety & giving up gambling is a way & choice of life... 

Youve had an amazing first couple of days so please be proud of that!

Tomorrow morning wake up, open this diary & just start writing... Does not matter what you write or what you’re saying or where it’s coming from... Don’t delete what you put just ramble your inner thoughts out... You’ll be amazed the feeling it’ll leave you with... Trial it... It may be a good start for you?

Read through others diaries.. This may help you too? You don’t have to listen or take on what people are saying, nobody is judging anyone.. 

Really glad you’ve opened up & are on the early steps of recovery!

Stay strong & speak again soon!

Thankyou.

dunc, silly boy, Jadie,

your definitely right.... it’s not about winning for me... I watched a documentary last night with tony slattery... really hit home, I think it’s never been about winning.. it’s been about hurting myself actually a form of self harm... by losing money it’s been about hurting my self if I ever won I was happy that I hurt myself and got away with it...almost a reward.

maybe it’s the things in my darkness that cause some of this.. the guilt I hold things that I shouldn’t be the one feeling guilty for maybe these need addressing 

i woke today no stomach ache in the the same place as last night but importantly not worse either..

the amount of time’s I’ve woken feeling terrible as the night before dawned on me.. 

You have written amazing advice I hope to do it some justice...I don’t deserve your kindness but appreciate it

anyway it’s day 3 now .. I wonder what day 4 feels like..

most on this forum have been there mate

get 30 days under your belt and you will physically start to feel better

then the mental and financial battle begins !!

Fella 

you are worthy of the support, the advice take what you need and leave the rest, recovery is bespoke do whatever stops you from placing that next punt.

as for what is coming tomorrow?

tomorrow never comes as today was tomorrow yesterday.

live for today, on bad days break the day into hours, minutes if you have to.

this is a marathon not a sprint.

enjoy today if you have not fed addiction it’s worthy of a little celebrating 

Duncs

abstain and maintain 

@2020nick how are you doing & getting on? 

It’s a glorious sunny Saturday morning & I hope you’re feeling as good as the weather?!..

Speak again soon

Hiya silly boy,

I nearly faltered just then I tried to join a site, it said I’m excluded , feel anger at myself but more shame.

but I didn’t get on I didn’t deposit and I’m in same situation that I was when I got the urge...

Sun is out I should go be in it ,

hope you are ok today I’m just gonna try get thru again ...

Hi @2020nick

Well done on battling through this first very difficult step - keep on at it and we're all here to support! It sounds like you've already excluded from some casinos which is great, it stopped you yesterday. Get more of those blocks in place so it can't happen.

Hope you're continuing to feel better physically and mentally.