day 1

Evening Jess,

Just dropping by in the hope that you and the family are tucked up in bed having a restful sleep.......and when you get up and read this you will be celebrating double figures in your recovery journey.

You are a real inspiration Jess and wholesome in your approach to this battle. Delighted I'm getting the chance to walk with you.

Well done on the big 10,,,,,,, days that end in a 0 are always special!!

Mr B

HI Mr B, Thanks so much for your encouraging words really makes a difference to know you have people supporting you.

Well made it through day 10 onto day 11 now 🙂

had my 2nd counselling session yesterday and as predicted was a little bit tough ive never really looked into my past in any depth my view on life has always pretty much been you get what your given you make the best of the situation and dont dwell or feel sorry for yourself as it gets you nowhere. i do still have this view on life by no means has that changed after 1 session but she did make me more aware that sometimes life isnt as black and white as that by putting some of my life events in role reversal and asking me if my children where in that situation is that what i would say to them thats life and you just have to deal with it...obviously i said no ...id never thought of it like that. We also spoke about my mum passing in november and how i have possibly held of grieving for her as i was heavily pregnant at the time and then obviously 6 weeks later had a new baby to deal with, my answer to this...i dont have time to grieve i have to much to do, so i made a promise to her and myself that for that 1 hour session i will let myself feel whatever i need to feel, see how that 1 goes as its quite a surreal experience explaining your deepest thoughts about who you where and are as a person to a practical stranger.

Anyway still feeling good and staying strong 🙂

Hi Jess, big hi five for getting to double figures, never In doubt.

Well done for trying counselling. You've definitely got the right attitude. Just give it a go. Yes dwelling on the past can get you stuck, but in small doses it can be useful in understanding why you are the way you are.

But you have such a positive attitude, just keep doing what works best.

Keep it up. Take care

well day 12 is here nearly 2 weeks under the belt now and today is the 1st day that i have really woke up and gambling is the 1st thing i have thought about, no idea why but urges are well and truley there this morning...i am determined that that is exactly what they are going to stay as aswell...urges! i plan to busy myself around the house today do some more cooking and be on and off here all day plus got to pop out to the shops to get some food bits in so hoping that will take the edge off.

I do think today will be a little bit of a struggle if im being honest with myself as i know once something is in my head i generally just do it but i know that i need to change my way of thinking to beat this and other peoples diaries on here will be my motivation today.

Just for today i WONT WONT WONT gamble!

Must stay strong

hi Jess. it was bound to happen. But you really must get yourself through today. You are doing so so well. Promise yourself a reward if you get through today clean. Just keep thinking about how wonderful your life is free of gambling.

well managed to get through today after what seemed like an eternity of urges this morning i totally threw my focus on to something else to fill my time and this evening have just been to the cinema with a friend, was nice to get out of the house and have some alone time away from the kids, as much as i love them a little break is nice and now ive come home to everybody in bed asleep...the peace continues lol.

Had a bit of a rough couple of days if im honest, i was told i had alepecia 4 months ago when i noticed a bald patch on my head (thankfully it is well covered as i have really long hair) the doctor said it is mainly caused by stress go figure but over the last few days ive noticed my hair is thinning pretty quick and is falling out as soon as i touch it...i get that many people have much bigger problems than this but as a 25 year old woman it is a real kick in the balls, bald will not be a good look on me! lol. My hair is part of who i am i guess it makes me feel feminine and im terrified of losing that. But i guess such is life and if needs must theres always pretty decent wigs out there now, dont know why im even writing about this its not generally something id broadcast but i just needed to let how i feel about it out as i dont want to let that be a reason for me getting P****d off or down. I've realised its time to be honest and know its ok to feel S****y sometimes but just make sure i always pick myself straight back up again.

Staying strong 🙂

Day 13 gamble free woke you feeling more positive this morning, see what joys today brings.

Staying strong 🙂

Morning jess

Hey well done for posting what you did and getting it off your chest , remember here no one will ever judge just support , I'm pleased you feel better this morning and hopefully much stronger for resisting those urges

You could have easily Not posted gone on a gambling spree and still be left with the sane problem with another added to it so a massive well done on that front

With your diary does as you feel write what you feel the need I know in the past I have put some real personal stuff on but I also know it helped

Full respect to you in everything you are doing so proud of you

Castle2

Hi Jess,

Really echoing castle here. It is immense help to put stuff down and out off your chest. You are doing great and should be proud of yourself. At such a young age, life is only unfolding in front of you. Grab it by both hands and don't let go.

You hold very admirable and strong outlook about life and I can see how determined you are to get over any obstacles crossing your way. Gambling is only the trouble added on the top of others, itsis simply not worth to keep self inflicting ourselves and our loved ones via that route. Keep making the right choice.

Stay well and safe and enjoy your weekend

Sandra x

Castle and Sandra, thank you both for your support and reassurance really that this is a safe space to speak about things you wouldn't anywhere else really without the fear of being judged.

2 weeks today, 2 bloody weeks!! I am in all honesty made up with myself i always feared the unknown and thought without gambling life would be dull, mundane and that id have nothing to fill my time while i was at home with the kids, this scared me...the last 14 days has shown me the total opposite there isnt enough hours in the day to do all the things i need and want to do. Yes i find myself sat at home (not as much thankfully) but instead of wasting my time watching reels spinning im dedicating my time to my kids, my home and cooking (a passion of mine, which was long forgotten about!)

I am no longer scared of life and what it has to offer because i know i can get off my a**e and make it positive, it's up to me no one else, that sick feeling has left me and i feel good, ive felt good and i am going to continue to be good.

14 days a small achievement to some ...a massive one to me, got to start somewhere havent we.

next target 4 weeks and im gonna smash the s**t out of it!

Staying strong

Well done Jess. Sorry you had a couple of rough days last week, but great that you fought through it.

Absolutely, this is a space where you should always feel safe and not judged by anyone. So keep posting what you feel. Granite

day 15 today.on the gambling front feeling positive and thankfully nothing to report.

Staying strong

day 16 no gambling

head is feeling clear of urges at present which is a great feeling. Bit pre-occupied with other things at the moment to even let the "devil" have a look in.

staying strong

Hi jess

Thanks for support I have answered your post in my diary by mistake please read I there

But I do totally agree small steps with other half and congrats on day 16

Suzanne xx

well done jess! sounds like you are racking up a good few gamble free days. i promise it gets easier from here.

keep it up

Talbs