day 1

hey jess thanks for the kind message on my diary.

you have made the first step in your recovery by coming on here, each day from now is another step.

i can relate to your story, its time to stop gambling and start living a normal life again, set some targets, goals and rewards.

that feeling of hitting a target, and then rewarding yourself with a small reward beats the buzz of gambling hands down.

make plans to fill your free time so that your mind is always busy, i found free time and boredom a big trigger.

I started going to the gym regularly, bought a few box sets and films, make regular arrangements with friends.

Keep up the good work and keep in touch

Talbs

thank you all for your continued support it really does help 🙂

well day 4 is here yesterday brought no real challenges as i said i had a busy busy day, did have a couple of thoughts or "urges" but as many people have pointed out on here it is just that...an urge an passes for the most part as quick as it comes.

counselling was an intro really as to what we would be discussing in upcoming weeks and a bit about my past etc. what i expected really so going to stick with it and see how it goes although next session ( next tuesday ) i think will be a bit more emotional but i have made a commitment to beat this so all help is a contribution to this and i have to get over my fear of well being honest with myself i guess.

Rare day off for my partner today so were taking our daughter for her 1st needles (ahhh poor little thing) and then hopefully if the weather picks up off to the zoo with the kiddies so another full day to keep me busy.

staying strong and firmly on the right track 🙂

well day 4 is coming to an end and what a greta day, i laughed and smiled so much my face hurt i literally cant remember the last time i did that. im really starting to appreciate what an amazing family i have and how lucky i am in this very short time.

I am under no illusion that life is going to be full of days like this even today i had fleeting thoughts (in fact the reason ive logged on is because i thought about gambling but no it needs to go ...right now!!) but today was a good day and im thankful 🙂

Hi Jess,

Reading your post made me smile. It sounds like you are really finding yourself again and being positive. Keep going, I know it's hard at times but it really does sound like you have the positive focus needed. All the best.

Thank you granite i feel as thought i really am i hope your journey is going well and your feeling strong.

Day 5, today is the day im facing my fiances something i havent done in a very long time. already contacted 3 bills that have been put to 1 side for so long to arrange payment plans and made small payments to them today which for me is a huge deal. im so used to burying my head in the sand over issues like this and although it was embarrassing calling and them saying you havent made a payment of any sort in so long it was kind of liberating to know that im sucking up my mistakes and taking the steps to sort them out.

off to my first GA meeting tonight so will let you know how it goes, not sure how i feel about it just yet but as ive said before any support espically at this stage i am grateful for 🙂

Hi Jess,

Thank you for your post on my diary it was much appreciated.

Reading your diary reminded me of myself in 2006. I too played online only for 6 weeks but made so much damage it took me a year to pay off the debt. My old diary is on here somewhere many pages back. I too had small children and it was like a bubble for me.

So forward 8 years and I have come back here but to a different type of gambling. You are obviously hitting this head on and taking as much help as you can.

Keep it up and you will be smiling and laughing much more. 🙂

Take care

LG

unfortunately i didnt make it to GA tonight, due to commitments at home so thought id pop on here just to stay motivated, had a pretty relaxed day today pottered about the house and then made some lovely homemade soup cooking really is relaxing for me i think i will be doing a lot more of it these days. had a few fleeting thoughts of gambling today as i had money in my account but instead i went out an bought some ingredients to cook with and paid some bills, felt liberating! day 5 coming to a close looking forward to what tomorrow brings

Well done jess for resisting, so glad you did.

You sound a lot more positive and determined, well done you...

I also find cooking helps, although I tend to burn most off the food, its a man thing....

Hope all goes well with your recovery, I know it will.

kick a demon

Love peace

hey, Jess thanks so much for the post, as always.

Yep you can't beat a bit of homemade soup. fantastic.

Im loving the positivity.

I'm finding things tough right now, so going to try and get to a GA meeting in next couple of days.

Thanks always for the support, it's really appreciated. Keep going. granite

wayforward been there many a time scrapping the black from the bottom of the pan lol.

and granite stick with it definitely get to a GA meeting and keep reading posts together we can do this im behind you all the way lovely.

Day 6 today 1 day away from a week (my first milestone) and i cant believe ive got here, 6 days may not seem a lot for some but for the last 18 months i have pretty much gambled all day every day (funds permitting) so 6 days is a massive step in the right direction for me. Not much planned for the day bit of tidying, washing, cleaning ...the joys of a "normal" life...and i really do mean the joys (never thought id hear myself say that lol).

I'll probably pop on and off here throughout the day as i know i have a bit of money in the bank and need to stay focused.

staying strong...:)

Morning Jess, you are doing Brilliantly. I hope this doesn't sound patronising but I'm proud of you. At least one of us made it through the week intact, ha ha. I'm not far behind you. Day 2 now, but I've been doing a lot of work on that stubborn brain of mine and I'm think I'm starting to work things out. Slowly but surely. Have a great day, weather permitting. granite

not at all granite thank you for your continued support it really does help, i know exactly what you mean you do start to feel emotions for the people who we support/support us when i read your post about your slip i really did feel your pain i think thats why this is such a good place as we all really do know what it feels like. im so glad you are doing what you need to (as hard as it maybe) and evaluating your life and as you said stubborness to beat this.

well i made it to my first target 1 week gamble free, (god it feels good to say that!) and it has made me more determined to continue on this fulfilling journey i honestly can not believe the difference in myself as a person in just this short time, its made me realise how much gambling really did cloud my judgement about..well if im honest pretty much everything in my life, and im starting to realise the value of money again but with this brings that sickening feeling of how much i have actually spent over the years. I'm fully aware that that is gone , never coming back and i can deal with that its just now im disgusted at how much my children, family and self have missed out on because of it, i suppose its a good thing i am feeling this in a way as it really is driving me to stay on track. Looking forward to double figures 🙂

Jess

I read through your diary a couple of times now and from me the one huge thing that stands out is the love you have for your family.

That love can be given unconditionally again since you arrested the gambling.

For that be very proud.

I hope you get to treat your children today,in truth the best gift you can give is being 'gamble free'

It will gift you the opportunity to enjoy life.

Keep making those targets

Most of all enjoy it.

Recovery is a life choice,for many of us the right choice,one which is today in our hands again and not waged on the random outcome of something we don't have control of.

In recovery we do.

Well done for making yours

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

thank you for you kind words Duncanmac, hit the nail on the head my family are my world and by gambling i some how lose sight of that.

Day 9 gamble free today (hit double figures tomorrow) the last 2 days have been hectic, but good hectic i have spent it with family and friends and loved every second (even with my 3 month old teething lol) it has just given me more drive to keep going. And after making sure my bills were paid i did get to buy my children a little something but practical things, my son got a bookcase and some new bedding ( i used to be very house proud until i gambled my money away and im starting to get that back, gambling made me lazy and obviously unable to afford things for the home) and i was able to put a little extra money toward a nicer cotbed for my daughter, it felt so good.

staying strong 🙂

Hey Jess, Thanks so much for the post as always. I really do feel like I'm turning a corner with all this support.

So pleased to hear that you are doing so well. I love reading about your family as they are obviously such an integral part of your recovery. Buying practical things sounds brilliant, because having you gamble free, focused and positive is the main gift you are giving them.

have a wonderful day