Day 1.

Day 18.

Today I have started off by organising my finances a little better. I have a set target in mind for this time next year. I am trying to be in control for once, but it's not easy. I had a dream last night that I was in a bar, gambling on a fruit machine, losing all of my money. The familiar feeling of "what have I done?", came to mind.

It is still early days and I have even got access to funds that I invested in premium bonds. I decided to put it away in an online account, the ISA is a dangerous option I think. Now I am literally waiting until payday, with the hope of reinvesting in premium bonds again. I realise there is no interest, but the money is safely locked away where I can't see it.

By the time I get paid, I will be over 30 days without a bet, but I'm trying not to look that far ahead. I like living in the moment and trying not to think about gambling, it's hard but I know it will get easier.

Well done mate. It's a great achievement. I also had the dreams, they will lesson over time but it's a necessary part of going 'cold turkey'. The dreams I had were very vivid and worried me that I had done something wrong until I realised it was a dream.

One day at a time and it will fly by. I'm approaching 90 days soon and feel great for it. Gambling almost feels like something from my distant past so that may be good.!

Well done and keep up the good work. I love to see positive diaries on here

Day 23.

Another vivid dream last night, I seem to remember a roulette wheel being smashed in it. Saw a few ads on the TV yesterday, even watched some anti gambling ads, I also felt a little bit of an urge to play. YouTube reminded me of what gambling felt like, but it also made me question why I gambled at all.

I don't plan on going back to gambling, but it is easy to see why it's so easy to start gambling again, with all the ads and the inability to avoid it when it's so easily accessible. Just heading to work, feeling of but remaining on my guard. It's not the gambling I miss, it's the getting used to not doing it at all

Good work Paul keep at it, agree with you about betting adverts if you like sports (like I do) you cannot avoid them.

That's true mate. I can't say I'm tempted, I loathe the bookmakers, even though it was my decision to gamble, they do nothing to help. I was never 8th to sports betting, mainly machines. The issue with these ads, is that they promote gambling as a fun past time, when the reality is its an awful habit.

Day 24.

So, my finances seem more arranged than usual. Really looking forward to payday so that I can get to my first month gamble free (Again) and to reach my first savings milestone. I am fairly optimistic, my mind is fixated with saving money at the moment, being as I squandered every penny in the past.

I am also thinking of other, more legitimate and smarter ways to make extra cash. I am currently in my mid 30s and I find myself thinking about retirement. I swear, on my first day of retirement, I will go out for a nice breakfast and look back on my life. I literally want a big smile on my face, knowing that I saved up enough money for retirement, looking forward to so travelling and enjoying life.

Stay focused people, it's tough I know.

Take it steady with all the plans. Its a typical trait of a gambler. You want to make amends as soon as possible. Things take time. There is nothing wrong with making plans, just remember it's early days and it's still a day at a time. I have been through the same thoughts. Buy a house, pay this off etc. .

Just enjoy your new found peace of mind and things will come together in time.

Well done for the progress so far

I definitely need to remember this advice. So many good intentions and plans when that losing feelng is still so fresh!

Thanks Trotty 🙂 it is just about enjoying the peace of mind at this stage, I'm terrible for being impatient with the process of recovery and frantically trying to make it right as fast as possible!

Good work on 24 days free Paul1001

You guys are awesome, I'm hoping you are both doing well. It's very easy to make loads of plans, so I'm trying to make a positive start. I'm really hoping my clearer state of mind will become better, I just decided to get back in to yoga, might involve getting up earlier to do it.

If you guys need to chat, then I'm always checking the forums and doing my diary. This diary process is brilliant. I am very grateful for your positive words and the 2015 challenge.

Have a great day

Paul

4 week milestone tomorrow, it has flown by. Currently thinking of ways to boost my income, so I am looking for a part time weekend job. Tired today too, but I have the whole weekend off to chill and brainstorm.

Things are good, no recent urges and I don't bat an eyelid at the bookies in town (4 of them). So on the whole, things are positive and look forward to payday, it's really motivating when I see my savings increase.

Staying cautious, remaining focused...

Paul

Four weeks. Brilliant! I too was surprised how time flies. Perhaps it's finally 'clicked' for you. I feel it has for me. Very different to the last time I stopped. I must say I have my short, medium and long term plans, I am just happy at the progress so far. Don't get a job though and burn yourself out, take time to relax. As gamblers our lives and brains were used to going at a million miles an hour. We need to learn to slowly change. We used to want to make quick money and it's still the same just not through gambling. By all means get another job but also think of your wellbeing.

I'm sure you are thinking more reasonably now so whatever you decide it should work out.

Looking forward to the next four weeks!

So...four weeks, feeling very proud of myself and even a little emotional. Only four weeks ago, I realised that 20 years of gambling addiction was too hard a hurdle for me to overcome. I have given up in the past, only to start gambling again. I accept that the thousands of pounds I have lost, is gone. I can change that through hard work and not LUCK.

You see, when I gambled I believed I was different, I was going to win it all and my life would be just great. The thing I now realise, is that my life is great and is even better now I'm not gambling. I know that it's quite possible to get an urge, only for past recovery to become null and void. The only way to fix the past, is by fixing the future.

Let's see what the future holds, without gambling.

Paul

Massive well done Paul on 4 weeks, great achievement and what a lovely positive post to read.

Suzanne xxx

Great work on 4 weeks PauI!

Thanks again for the great comments guys. Smashed my phone by accident yesterday oops, 100 quid for a new one...ouch. Treated myself to a Costa and panini today, got paid so being as I'm still gamble free, I decided to reward myself and even managed to walk past 2 bookies, to be honest I don't see them anymore, which is great.

Very tired now, woke up at 5 for work so I'm going to sleep. Today, I also received my personal trainer certificate, so a great day. Any problems people, I am happy to share how I am learning to stay away from gambling.

Have a great day folks

Paul