Day 1

Gonna catch up later still busy and got interview for another job today. I feel good being gf I'm actually living again instead of deep in fog of gambling feeling depressed and stressed all time :))) best wishes everyone Lu x

Got the job start tomorrow morning straight after my other job, more pennies to pay off debts. Had my counselling session too yet feel quite down today. Was ok earlier but something's bothering me probably the past. I'm referred to see a psychotherapist as an assessment I had with counselling through my GP found that they can't counsel me as my 'issues' are too deep. This was back in June and I've been waiting as the counselling service said they write back to my GP to say I need referring. Well as I hadn't heard anything since June (thought I'd just been placed on a waiting list) I thought I'd ring my GP to find out how much longer it would be. The doctor apologised to me and told me she'd made a mistake and filed the letter from the counselling service not reading it properly so no I hadn't been referred and she was really sorry and would refer me today. I think that and my sons ex and I have trouble with flashbacks, nightmares etc etc have just bought me down today. I'm still gf though but having urges quite bad. Gambling I believe is a symptom with me of psychological problems. It's good though now I do not see gambling as a crutch anymore that fear has gone (thank you Alan x) and the longer I'm gf the more I believe I can do it. I'm still positive even though I'm bit down. I count my blessings when I'm down it helps 🙂 Life hey? Anyway 16 days! Best wishes everyone Lu x

Hey Lu

congrats on the new job.

Dont worry about feeling down, it soon passes. Helps to appreciate feeling normal!

look forward not back.....

Hi Lu , It's never all going to be a bed of roses is it ? and from time to time life will continue to throw " Pooh pies " in our face ( sounds yummy ) ! but that's all it is and it's much easier to deal with now gamblings not in your life and blurring your vision like the old day's , things get sorted and then you move on .Look at the way youv'e dealt wth things this last couple of weeks ? amazing and now there';s the new job youv'e gone after and landed , cahnces are if youd still been gambling you probably wouldn't have bothered as it would have eaten into your precious gambling time ?.

16 day's and rocking on Lu :)) xx

Hey good news on the job front and well done on the 16 days gf, you have come such along way. It's ok to feel abit down, we all do at times. It will pass. Take care xx

HI Lu, well done on the job. Stay strong x

Blimey never been so busy where on earth did I find time for gambling, 3 weeks nearly! Apart from feeling little down I feel great stopping going through all that stress, anxiety and depression caused by gambling of course. I never realised until being out of it for this time how much it was dragging me right down. Went for hour and half walk with my neighbour and our dogs the views were beautiful and I appreciated it this time so much more I'm appreciating now gambling doesn't have its grip. Can honestly say no real urges as such just thoughts and not many at all of them. Hope everyone's alright best wishes Lu x

Evening Lu. Well done on getting the job! Great to hear you appreciating life more...it's amazing how different things feel once the fog starts to lift. The thoughts will come and go. Put them on a cloud and just imagine them drifting away...sounds a bit nuts but it works (sometimes!!) for me 🙂

Thanks LB that's a good idea lol I'll try anything lol x Well closer to three weeks. Strong urges today due to bad memories. My son is staying at my mums and dads obviously his man and grandads but him and my dad had a set to. I so know what that is like my dads temper is awful horrible horrendous. I first left home when I was 15 not long after my dad got handy with his fists and pulled me up off floor by my hair and threw me around then on the floor while he pinned me down he spat in my face and said 'your s**t'. I will never forget it but have forgiven as it helps me I don't do it for him. So he's 76 and he's still losing his temper now with my son but my son is a bodybuilder lol and I reckon he would be able to handle himself but I'd defend my son with my last breath. I never fought my dad back apart from one occasion which he didn't expect! But when it comes to my son I'd die for him. Because we live on narrowboat there is literally no room for my son to stay and he has to be near work, I live a way from him. But I'd be up there like lightening if he hurts my son. But he's nearly completed paperwork for his new flat so shouldn't be there much longer. My son said to me I've seen the other side of grandad mum how did you cope? Well I didn't I got addicted to all sorts no gambling but I'm not gambling anymore I'm not destroying my life for anyone anymore. Best wishes everyone Lu x

Hi Lu, first well done on your gf days - your doing so well and you should be very proud of yourself. With regards to your post above - what an awful experience you had and sorry to hear that. Totally understand why you forgave him otherwise it would have eaten you away and damaged the relationship between you and your mom. Very similar as to why as CG's we have to come to terms and draw a line under the losses otherwise it is a trigger to gamble again and we all know that we are never going to win them back. Keep remaining strong and positive x

Hi Lu , Just checking your ok Hun :)) Youv'e been through some stuff haven't you girl ? but it shows a great strength of charicture when despite what life throws at you , your still pushing it all aside in search of the good life you deserve :))

That being said I'm loving all the positive things that are happening to you since youv'e stopped gambling, also all the support your giving out to others on the forum , there's a lot of long termers out there that forget how important it is to offer advice and to have someone to acknowledge them , it makes this place a lot more interactive if we all keep chatting , so keep leaving your footprints around the forum :)) .

Coming up for nearly 3 weeks now girl , Whoop ! Whoop ! :)))) So keep doing what your doing Hun :)) xx

20 days this evening! 3 weeks tomorrow evening! So proud of myself I never could've imagined going this long a few weeks ago no way, gambling consumed my every thought, move etc. It was first thing I thought about when I woke up and eventually when I went to sleep. I'd go to bed in reasonable mood if I had some money left in whichever slots account knowing I could gamble when I woke, crazy! But if I didn't have any left which was more often than not I'd be so depressed and would be desperately thinking of ways to get money or couldn't wait until payday. Now I go to sleep relaxed, sleep longer, wake up actually looking forward to day without worry just normal life and the c**P it can throw at you is easier to deal with and gets my full attention. I'm doing better at work too. My hubbys agreed for me to start a fully qualified book keeping course after Christmas. It'll take me 18 to 24 months to qualify but I'm determined, now I've quit gambling I have the motivation to do it instead of wasting my life. Still might do the typing from home too lol we will see. It feels so good to be 'normal' again at the beginning it was really tough and of course I still get urges and thoughts but the more time goes by the better and easier it is. Just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone whose supported me :)) your help has been invaluable! Anyone starting their gf life hang in there it really does get better, choose life x best wishes everyone Lu xx

Hi lulu,
I keep seeing you around the posts, encouraging people.
Just want to congratulate you on your 3 weeks gf!!
It's amazing what a difference it makes to our mental well-being when our gambling days start to add up.
It sounds like you've had a rough time of it in the past.
Keep posting, it's better out than in. Give yourself a well earned hug and long may you continue with the gf days x

Twenty days...well done hun. ..
Xx

Thanks Lml and Loxxie xx I didn't post yesterday cos busy again! It's now three whole weeks! Can't believe it :))) so happy I got gf life really is better and easier to deal with c**P life throws at you. Apparently now I'm not allowed to see my grandson. My son has left his girlfriend finally after years of mental abuse and she is evil now the only weapon she has is my grandson and my son isn't allowed to see him either so he's going to a Solictor. I hate her for all the pain she's caused and is still causing but won't rise to bait by begging to see my grandson that is just what she wants. Well at least three weeks gf 🙂 Best wishes everyone Lu xx