Day 1

Two days done and I can't quite believe how positive I am although it's lurking I can feel it and I'm under no illusion that this 'peaceful' time will last but keeping busy and chilling too. I think cos I've stuff to look forward to next week that's helping plus I'm off work for the week and so looking forward to lie ins cos I get up so early for work. Also going out on Bonfire Night haven't done that for years. I'm finding stuff to occupy myself and putting plans in place for when those urges will without doubt hit. Also like you said Alan thinking about downgrading my iPhone but finding that a really hard thing to do cos I read kindle on it and I love my books, but it's a consideration or K9 at the moment I know I've self excluded from tons of sites but I know there's always new ones opening :((( so I've got another plan too drawing out all my money when I get paid. Definitely building up an arsenal but don't feel quite safe yet but I'll make it as difficult as possible and give myself that time to think when those urges come. On the positive side I'm determined I can't take anymore of the damage gambling causes and I know I'll lose my marriage if I carry on. Another day gf and I'm happy and feel more in control this time, long may it continue 🙂 Best wishes everyone Lu x

So here they are the urges proper. Debated about three times already to just have a go £20 if I could find a site I haven't self excluded from but I'm not going to I in debt I can't afford it let alone the devastation it brings. I'm still positive but getting those urges different from yesterday. Not to mention using will power and having to search for a site is giving me that time to build up resistance. I could make it a lot easier on myself by going for a bog standard phone but I love the iPhone and the kindle on it emails this site shopping etc. Going to ring EE and try get parental controls etc. I feel confident I can't do this but I want to make it easier to stop me, I'm under no illusion that some urges might tip me over the edge :((. Concentrating on sorting out my debts again as I spent money meant for bills and living on last relapse. I'm lucky my husband can help but I have to lie to him don't want that anymore :((( No I can't tell him he wouldn't understand and it could split us up, gambling not taking anymore from me! Right off to have a kip as was up at 2am best wishes everyone x

Morning Lou it is a shame you don't feel able to speak to your husband about your gambling , I know it's a tough thing to do because your always scared of the outcome but gambling thrives on secrecy and the fact that your the only one that knows means it's only you that gambling justifies itself too , I know it's not sn easy decision but having his support could make all the difference . The other thing is you could also speak to your internet provider about parental control as they can block over 18 sites , just a thought . Have a great day Hun and maybe think on what I've said , as always it's your call whatever you choose :)) x

Hi Alan I doubt I can tell him well I could but it would probably split us up for good. I understand what your saying though I'll think about it but I doubt I'll tell him. Yes I've got to ring EE tomorrow couldn't today cos hubby had day off work. Since this morning I've had no urges been busy and had to take our Jazzy to vets for her injections and dew claws cut she hates the vets don't know what happened to her before we rescued her but Andy had all on holding her and we had to use a muzzle or she'd bite the vet! Upset me seeing so stressed so bought her a toy bone squeaky one and advent calendar couldn't have done that if I'd gambled cos wouldn't have any money left. Defo no urges rest of day but upset me a bit that they were so strong this morning stupidly I thought it wouldn't be like that this time but I'm still positive! It's not going to get me this time soooo had enough of the devastation it leaves in its wake. How are you hun? Lu x

Another day done since this morning not had any urges cos been busy but hated that I did this morning when I hate gambling so much. Grabbing an early night so night folks and best wishes Lu x

Enjoy your early night Lu. Im going to do the same I think. x I got that urge but cant play, have no available funding. Well actually I do have a couple of quid in my bank account but we will all starve to death if I spend it... (sadly thats not stopped me in the past)

P x

Hi Lu all good thank you :)) .

It was just a suggestion about telling him , I know how difficult it is to do , Loxxie who you spoke to the other night said she was dreading it with her hubby because of the reaction she was expecting but after telling him it all worked out and she's glad she did , I'm not going to judge you hun , your the only one who knows you so the choice is alway's yours . It just seems to be the concensus on here that it alway's pays off in the long run as it's better to tell on your terms than you O H finding out another way ?.

My dog didn't like her feet touching either and the same with my partners dog as well , we got around it by introducing them to the clippers and smoothing them with them , it took ages for it to work but usually it's the noise of the clip or cut they don'y like , so everytime we cut a nail we cough and it works ??>.

Keep fighting the urges Lu and winning for real xx

Hi well done on fighting and over coming the urges Lu, I'm rooting for you, take care and stay gf x x positive thinking x

Hi Prim, Alan & Anon xxx Prim don't blame you hun at least sleeping you don't think about it unless you dream 🙁 keep strong Prim have you got any blocks in place cos I'd hate you to relapse once you've got spare cash? We never win cos we can't stop. Keep at it Prim it'll be more than worth it! :)) Hi Alan my lifesaver lol! Yes I'd love to tell him but I couldn't bear to lose him even if he has been a d**k lol that's another story but we've had quite a few downs lately and it's not related to me gambling, in fact I was going to leave him but then things improved because I faced him down about something (another woman, too friendly with!) I must admit that didn't help me stopping gambling! But no excuses it was my responsibility to do something about it! We are ok now though and I'd like it to stay that way. Me not gambling will improve things even more. I'm going to do it! I've had one serious urge this morning and got bit of money spare (ish) in my account but not doing it, no way going back there! Really can't take anymore Alan 🙁 It is hard not telling him but it would be a disaster I just know it, instead telling my good friend and letting off to the Counsellor helps a lot. Glad your good hun x that's a good idea! Andys going to try similar with her to see if we can do it ourselves plus she might feel better knowing dads doing it lol. We are going to try anyway 🙂

I'm fighting Alan and will keep on fighting, gamblings beat me hands down, and will always win! Feel positive still! Thanks Alan x Hi Anon x Thank you :)) I'm proud of myself this time as I'm really really trying, ah bless u I'm rooting for you too! We can do this and have a happier gf future no more tears, devastation and heartache, thanks hun x take care everyone we are winning for real now :))) xx

Days clocking up! Still positive but still had quite strong urge early this morning cos I used to gamble as soon as I got up and stupidly I used to think that as I got up early for work it was a 'lucky' time but 9 times out of 10 I'd be losing and depositing more and more and having to go to work depressed and angry, mainly at myself. It always affected my work when I lost a lot of money I'd try and think of excuses not to go cos all I wanted to do was curl up in bed. Still getting thoughts of 'what if I give it yet another go and I win, this time though I can see there's no such thing as winning for a cg:( I'd never win back my tens of thousands of pounds losses just add to that loss and get even deeper into debt. Writing off all I've lost never will get it back all I can do is ensure I don't add to it! Starting to see wood for the trees and it feels good. Gamblings beaten me totally there's no 'winning' it's an illusion. I since thought about my mum in law, she religiously buys scratch cards every week and now I can see her addiction to them! When we were on holiday July she won £50 but she'd spent so much more than that and what did she do but go draughty out and buy another! I was gambling all the way through the holiday but even then felt like saying you haven't actually won and wanted to explain to her. Anyway enough rambling got to go to work lol this time gf and no losses to be depressed about! Best wishes everyone x Lu x

You know the answer to those early morning urges Lu ? , stay in bloody bed !! Set your alarm to go off 15 mins before your due to start work , then you'll be in suck a panic you'll have no time to get an urge ? LoL ! .

The trouble with us gamblers is were always quick to remember the good wins and happy to tell anyone who cares to know but being honest about the losses is a different thing all together , how many people do you know that say to you day after day " I lost this or that much " ? just doesn't happen , when I was in the bookies and people would always ask " How's yer luck " ? I'd alway's have won or broke even , LoL ! What a load of bull sh..ite honestly . I always smile when people I used to gamble with come into my shop , the answers are always the same ?

Have a great day Lu and stay safe :)) xx

Hi Alan yes lol that would work! Briefly been on a site that lists all online casinos :((( had a strong urge but the positivity I feel and everything I've learnt made me come off it I feel better tbh not worse because I fought that urge and upfront in my mind is the fact that things are already better I have money in my account and I do not want to spend it gambling! I feel pleased with myself that I turned it around also the obstacles I've put in place like debit card gives me that precious time to resist the urge and I came straight on here :)) I've realised a trigger and it's my hubby lol sometimes he's a complete k**b and I just want to escape he's in the Army Reserves and tends to bring military attitude back home but I'm not in the bloody Army! I've found another way to deal with that trigger though, ignore him and do my hobbies etc! Yes no one ever talks about their losses except on here that's why ppl don't see the bad with gambling isn't it? All you ever hear about are the wins of folk. Still fighting Alan hope your good Lu x

Well days racking up and my danger point a week coming up but this time is so different I'm so much more positive even though I feel a bit blue, weather or turning 50 on Tuesday don't know but definitely feel bit blue. The positivity I feel though hasn't diminished regards gambling even though I very briefly went on a site that lists all online casinos 🙁 that was an urge I began to act on but stopped almost straight away. Everything I've learnt and advice I've had and support helped me back away from it. I have some money in my account which is a first for years! And I don't feel I want to gamble with it tired sick and tired of wasting my hard earned money. The 'buzz' I got from gambling still draws me but I'm starting to see this for what it is 'an illusion' we were going out for bonfire night but it's cold lol so I'm curled up in bed and going to read a kindle book. I know really strong urges are going to hit me but this time I'm not giving in, it's good being gf despite debts left etc. I sleep now not worrying about my latest loss and feel happier than when gambling as got no stress and anxiety, mood swings and so on, life's a lot calmer. Here's hoping I can stay like this but not feeling a bit blue and keep gf. Best wishes everyone Lu x

Hey Lu, I'm good thank you and glad to see another day gf for you. With regards to your birthday, Age is just a number and anyway it's pointless stressing over it because we are all getting older and that is something we cannot do anything about. Besides 50 is the new 40! Not seen the colouring book with the quotes but imagine it's good. Stay good and keep positive x

Thanks Anon x well 6 days done and urges getting stronger than ever :((( I knew this would come and it's getting harder to maintain my positivity although it's still there. It gets harder not easier! But I'm fighting this for all I'm worth. I want to feel the day when I don't get urges like this and don't think about it as much. Not happy at moment 🙁 best wishes everyone Lu x