Day 1

Well what a day had to walk Jazzy with runny nose and sore throats and feeling rough but I still enjoyed it because I was in bed yesterday and started to feel walls closing in. Very strong urges today had bit trouble dealing with it but kept thinking there's no way I want to still be gambling at 50 years...time to be free. I still can't believe still how strong urges can get when everything I know about the devastation it causes and all that bad stuff, especially as there's no winning cos we can't win cos we can't stop, why want to sit just pressing a screen and it costing you money and more? I really thing there is truth in the way the brain responds to gambling and the 'rewards' of near misses. It defies logic and common sense and intelligence, there's a lot to be said about the brains reward centre! Anyway I'm not to ill to have pizza tonight lol it is my bday after all lol best wishes everyone Lu x

Hey lulu...
Thanks for popping over to see me ...
Not been in much as been busy...
Soooo. ..
Happy birthday...
Well done on your days...
Sorry to read you been poorly..
Those bleedy urges are pesky little feckers aren't they !. .
But you fight them girl...you can do it hun. ...just keep taking a day at a time....it will get the hint that your not going to cave in...
Enjoy your pizza...xxx

Happy birthday Lu. Life begins at 50!!!! Keep going. Xx

Happy Birthday

Use the milestone. Remember 50 is the new 40! And they say life begins at 40. Look at back at your life, smile at the happy memories and chuckle at some of the foolishness.

Its OK to remember that you USED to be a gambler - but you are not anymore. Wake up tomorrow in the knowledge that no matter how many days you are GF, its irrelevant, because you do not gamble any more.

Enjoy what rest of the evening and let your new life start tomorrow

Stay strong....

The big 5-0? Go you! Happy Birthday. I had my 50th last month and I've been loving every minute since. Really, it's been a turning point for me. I wasted so much of my 40's lost in the gambling fog, that I'm absolutely determined not to waste my 50's in the same way. 1966 was a good year....we were born!...let's make 2016 even better. Enjoy what's left of your day (even if that means swigging night nurse instead of champs) and look forward to a bright future, gamble free. LB x

Hi Lu,

Thanks for the drop by and many, many congrats on your big day 🙂 Well done on your 8 days too - the early days are so, so hard but it does get easier. You'll be going through so many emotions, sadness, despair, self-hatred, guilt to name but a few, but remember to keep living too. Take joy in the mundane, and celebrate happy times like today! I'm glad the payday loans won't touch you now Lu, the only way from here is up. I haven't caught up with your diary, that'll be a bit of bed time reading for me sometime this week haha! But, are you on top of your debts? It was only once I got on top of mine that I was able to start thinking clearly again. I went to Payplan who were and are a God send, I'd strongly recommend them or Stepchange if you haven't yet got that side sorted. Regarding your urges, they are a blooming nightmare aren't they, but you're doing the right thing in rationalising them for what they are, and realising that gambling again is not the answer. Anyway, enjoy your pizza Lu and what's left of your birthday!

Twinks xx

Well Day 9 soon to be Day 10 and I'm dealing with some really strong urges:( it's not nice just want them to do one, roll on when it gets easier! Not happy bunny today:( Best wishes all Lu x

Back again lol my default for when I get urges is to come on here read and rant lol but the urges are lessening in intensity that's because I've been reading a diary on here reminding me (not that I need reminding) of how I'll feel if I gamble. Positivity coming back again cos my target of 10 days is just around the corner going to set a new one of 15 days after. The only thing is I'm forcing myself to do hobbies etc no real enjoyment yet in them so want to feel how I did about pleasure in other things before this addiction took a hold. Cleaned up done fire, toilet (porta potty) lol we don't get fancy toilets on narrowboats imagine all that going into canal argh! Though believe it not some not very pleasant folk do empty their porta potty into canals and rivers! Sorted rubbish out too (we don't have individual bins either) into skip on Marina. We have a landline though and x box and wifi lol anyway enough of my ramblings lol best wishes everyone Lu x

Told you it was agood place to come when those urges need a kick up the @r*e :)).

You have to force yourself to do different things at first Lu , its a bit like brain training again , all your heads been full of for years is gambling and youve had nothing else to focus on , sure it doesnt give the same buzz at first but with time and perceverence all those different things will become a part of normal life and thinking as gambling takes a back seat and fades away .

Try lots of different things , some you'll like and others you wont but eventually you'll find something that suits you :))

Stick with the plan Lu and lets get to Day 10 / 15 :))

xx

Hi Lulu. Just wanted to reassure you that the urges will get less as time goes on. You probably won't feel any enjoyment in hobbies just yet (how can they compete with the buzz?) but given time, pleasure and contenetment will come back into your life. Stick with it...keep pushing through. Maybe question if those urges are telling you something? When are they coming? What are they in response to? Some people use HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely Tired)...mine were more bored, upset, "up yours" or I deserve a treat. You'll have your own. And as for keeping busy? Well, sorting the fire, doing the rubbish and emptying the bog? I've spent the entire morning ironing. I'm not sure which is worse. Lol. Maybe add in something pleasant too?!!

KOKO. LB x

10 days! Met my first target! However shines been taken off as someone on here (not a cg but other half) has intimated that no one will post support because I don't tell my husband. I cannot reiterate enough it's not going to be a good idea for me to do that as my hubby will not understand and it could split us up probably would as I've said it's up to that person whether to tell or not, this poster does not live my life and has no right to force it down ppls throat to come clean. Everyone has individual circumstances and continuously berating and trying to talk ppl into telling all is very judgemental and counter productive, a new poster on newbies section has had post after post insisting he tells his wife, where's the support? I've noticed he hasn't posted again since. Poor guy was bombarded with judgemental 'advice'. As I said no one knows the true extent of that individuals circumstances and the complex interactions with their loved ones so they shouldn't be ramming that down their throats just be there, simple. I'm lucky I've had invaluable support and advice from lovely ppl on here and that has what helped me stay gf. That's the point of this forum surely? Lu x

Morning Lu , firstly big congratulations on reaching your 10 day's , I know it was a big thing to get to this point and youve done it love , so be proud , two weeks is next on the calender which is noit far away so stay focused for that next milestone :)).

Regarding the other poster , Look love everyone's different but the general feeling on here is that at some point it will be begtter to come clean to a partner or loved one , that being said considering the bad place you were in when you came here at the moment you just need to focus on staying stopped and halt the bad feelings and carnage that we make while in the zone of gambling .

This forum is about everyone expressing thier view and sharing how it is or was for them , we'll never agree on everything and recovery is bespoke there's no one size fits all , the other halfs on here show us how it was for them , we as gamblers don't realise how much heartache and anger we cause them simply because were so wrapped up in what weve been doing without a care for anyone else , the other halfs feelings are much different from ours , when they find out or are told by us what's been going on they have a different set of feelings , ones of anger , rage thefact that theyv'e been lied to by someone they love and trust and many consider it akin to finding out their partners been having an afair ! .

There's2 sides to everything and we as gamblers need to accept their side as well , When I told my family it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and I was lucky that they all stood by me , many on here aren't that fortunate and we never know how its going to pan out .

Just because your not feeling that you want your OH to know at the moment is ok if thats what you want to do , your focus is to remain gamble free but don't dismiss the idea of telling at some point , you will continue to become stronger as the days and weeks go on and at some point in the future may decide the time has come to tell him ? .

Most on here feel that's the way forward but as always the choice is yours and I'm not judging you one way or the other it's your call , we'll always get upset at someones comment's , I know I have in the past towards me but with this forum as with life just take what you need or feels right and ditch the rest , at tye moment if what feels right is just stopping gambling and staying that way then so be it , but at some point we all look at the causes of the way our live's got this way and have to make changes in order that it doesnt happen again ?.

Enjoy your day Lu and well done again Hun xx

Just found out Betfilter do a blocking app for iPhone now! As soon as I've some money I'm buying it so that will ensure I can't gamble even more and just knowing it's now available makes me feel good more safety for future 🙂 also installed betfilter now on laptop instead of K9 with code my counsellor gave me. Tried Bank first to see if they'd block online gambling but they don't but my debit cards safe anyway with digits scratched off. All in all feel even more positive cos had a wobble or two or three today need to feel safer. Best wishes everyone Lu x

Back here again as wobbling but blocks I have give me time to stop, think and fight the urges. Definitely getting Betfilter app that will secure everything apart from betting shops but I'd never go in there anyway, it's all online for me or should I say was....that feels good putting it in the past. still urges though and gambling devil hopping on one shoulder shouting in my ear, at moment I'm just putting everything into blanking out that voice it'll be so good when I get less urges and thoughts and it doesn't take as much effort to blank out the gambling devil. I'm so proud of myself getting this far long may it continue

I've read though you're diary lu and thoughts of your current gambling urges. You've been around long enough and have had loads of advise but you know that the battle is not yet won. Maybe you've got to find something else to give you the buzz because, just like the alcoholic who will go on a drinking binge knowing that they will wake up with a deadly hangover, the CG will be prepared to endure the inevitable financial loss just for the gambling buzz with only the slightest chance of winning.

Question: Would you still gamble if there was no possible chance of winning anything at all?