Been a rough day.
My wife has already told me that I have to leave our home. This morning I found a website called SpareRoom.com and perused that. My credit is so bad that renting isn’t an option and I want to stay near my kids and keep my job. So for at least the next six years I’ll be spending £600 a month to live in somebody’s spare room. No offence to anybody that does that but it’s not what I planned.
This morning my wife reached out for a hug from me and I hugged her tightly and we both cried, then I messed it up. I said “I really struggled not to cry when the kids hugged me this morning”. She pushed me away and left the room. She wanted my support and I made it about me and I hate myself for it but I can’t help myself. I’ve been beating myself up about it all day.
then this afternoon my daughter wanted some songs on Spotify and my phone was dead so I grabbed my wife’s phone from the side and entered the PIN. It didn’t work anymore. Tried again. Nothing. She came down and said that I wouldn’t be able to get into her phone as she’s changed her PIN. That’s how she views me now. I’ve never ever touched her money and never would. All the thoughts about the hug this morning vanished and it hit me again that she’s not going to let me stay.
My 2 and 4 years old have been absolute delights all day and that makes leaving even harder. They are at such fun ages. I know that I could never leave them but I’m torn between going home to Manchester and not seeing my kids but getting better. Or renting a room in Norfolk and being so lonely and miserable that even though I see my kids, I completely unravel.
Let’s see what tomorrow brings.
Hi Lazy Lunch
I know I mentioned this before but nothing is final. I think I shared that I've been thrown out of my family home twice but i'm back here and trying to work through it. The only way anything is going to work is that you not only stay gamble free but you get back to the real person inside. I am in GA doing the 12 steps which is a life changing change to rebuild who I actually am. Can I make a suggestion to you ? If you go onto the GA website you can download a pdf of a booklet called Who am I ? It's worth running through that and doing what it says to do. It's a part of Step 4.
For me, there was no point in just giving up gambling and white knuckling it. I knew that life would throw something at me and I wouldn't face it and return to the fog. I had to replace my thinking to the real thinking from within of who i wanted to be, whatever life looked like.
There is a saying I absolutely love and as hard as it is, it's appropriate for your situation
In my left hand is the past, in my right hand is the future which is a mystery.
In the middle is today which is a gift and why it's called present.
@lp5vut869c I love that quote. I actually plan on attending my first GA meeting on Wednesday night and I’m really looking forward to it and I will definitely look at that pamphlet.
Depending on which one you are going to they should have a copy for you to take. It's part of the 12 steps but I wouldn't rush into that. You need to pick the right sponsor as they take six months to do minimum and 1 to 2 hours per day
This post really touched a nerve with me. It brought back memories of exactly this scenario for me. I was asked to leave the family home. I found spareroom.com. I had some huge life choices to make. I chose to fight. Not to stay with my ex. I tried that for a while but it was clear I would not be welcome back. I fought to get better and make something of my life. My credit was shot, but you'd be surprised at what rentals you can get. I have had 2 since my eviction from the family home, and for both I was accepted. This surprised me so you never know. Nerve racking waiting though!
I got myself on Stepchange, planned my budget, and came out swinging. GA, Gamcare, everything. Worst few months of my life, and I'll tell you now, the first night in your new place (wherever that may be) is horrific. A sudden realisation that you've messed everything up. Some tough times ahead, but, and this is the big but, I'm glad it panned out this way. It made me realise that I needed to take control. If I gambled, I would be homeless, I would have no food, I would lose my car, then job. I suddenly had all the responsibilities I'd ignored, and this time they meant something.
Nearly 2 years later and I've found someone else, I'm gamble free, I'm debt free, I'm still improving my credit score, but most importantly, I'm happy. Extremely happy.
You can only see darkness now, but trust me, it does get lighter. Come out fighting, come out strong. Make something of yourself. Make amends to yourself. You don't know what the future holds, but you can certainly give yourself the best chance at a happy one.
Stay strong 👍
greta advice weirdfish.......
Nothings final....
Fight.....
Work hard at ur recovery....
welcome to the site
i wish u all the best adam
@p6z38njbqm I’m so sorry this happened to you too. I cried reading this. Thank you so much for your words.
My wife and I are still friends and she’s even offered to let me send her money for her to keep and save for me. My only goal now is to be the best ex husband and father I can be to my children and one day have a place of my own where they can sleep.
It’ll be a long road but when I look at them I believe I can do it, and reading this makes me believe it even more.
Can I ask did you have children too?
Hi Lazy Lunch
I know it's difficult at the moment but, without even knowing you, the only thing certain is that there is no chance of any sort of relationship with your wife and no wholesome one with your children, with gambling in your life. Such a dramatic situation is a huge trigger for a f*** attitude and return. I know I was tempted.
Nothing is final and nothing is set for the future yet. All any of us has is today. My GA meetings are full of people like me who have been thrown out of the home more than once with no hope of getting back but there are more than have than haven't. I think there are three roads ahead of you. The left turn is that you don't get back with your wife but move on to a different gamble free life. The right road takes you back to the chaos and false hopes of gambling. The middle road, you stay gamble free and over time get back together with your wife.
Only two of those options offer any form of happiness
Be kind to yourself and put your recovery first. It's a mental illness and perhaps in time, your wife will learn about it. Give her space for her own recovery
Hey mate, you are right. It is a long road ahead, but it's what you make of it. It's going to be tough at times, but you'll discover new joys and pleasures. You'll find a place to call home, a place you can see the kids. You'll enjoy time alone and discover how great it is to be a grown up with money. Trust me, before you know it you'll be in a much better place. And you cant tell what's ahead. Reconciliation? Someone better? I didn't see an end in sight, but slowly and surely it got brighter and brighter.
No kids involved for me (well, a stepson, but he wasn't too fussed!). I do have a shared dog though and I was adamant I would still see him. I still do. The joy of seeing your kids will keep you going like it did with my dog. Do it for them. Do it for you first, but keep them as your focus and you'll be in a much happier place soon.
Will be following your posts. If you need any advice please reach out. I'm proof that being in your pretty much exact situation can end up happy. It may not seem like it, but you're already on the way to a better life. Gambling and dishonesty in an unhappy relationship, or gamble free and truthful on your own. Only 1 leads to a happy life, its always unfortunate others were involved, but you knew you'd get caught in the end. You can still make you wife and kids happy by getting better. Prove it to yourself, prove it to them and who knows where life takes you now.
Enjoy the ride. If you asked me where I'd be 2 years ago, I would never have guessed where I am now. Buckle up!!
Stay strong 👍
Thanks guys.
I will always regret what I’ve done, will always grieve the loss of the life I thought I was going to have, will feel horrible about my kids growing up in a house of divorce and slap myself for fumbling my dream woman who genuinely loved me for me.
But knowing that people like you are out there, who’ve been where I’ve been and come out the other side happier and healthier gives me a vision of what I can achieve during the next phase of my life.
Thanks so much for your messages, your words mean more than you realise.
One thing certain what ever happens in your life no matter what trails and tribulations u are being faced in u can always count on gamecare Ga or what ever support u need yes it difficult situation and sometimes life is full of regrets the only way out is giving recovery 100% i have been in recovery since 2010 and i do know one thing some of the people i have cone accross have turned out to become the best of people👍
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