Degenerate IX

Good job D ! Keep up the good work ! much love brother !

Thanks bro.

Day 82

When puting gym bag in the boot this morning I noticed some git has scratched the back of my car. A long wavy line probably inflicted by a key or something. After pondering for all of 2 seconds on who it could have been I started having gambling thoughts along the lines of "Oh well, I know what will cheer me up. A bet." Fkn stupid thoughts to justify gambling. Anyway, got through the day without betting even though I really felt the urge to bet and was a bit concerned throughout the day. Stuff happens I need to move on.

I dont know why I seem to be close to stumbling. I thought things were getting easier.

Day 88

Busy working and going to the gym all week. No thoughts of going in bookmakers. I did click on a few links related to Royal Ascot results as a result of looking through sports news sections of certain websites.

Quiet day today. I am knackered and I am having a deserved rest. Sitting in the house on a Saturday during any big racing meeting usually meant a day of betting on every televised race. As long as I hadnt lost all my money the previous week. I am doing well not to channel surf through the channel showing racing. I know if i glimpse some racing action I will end up watching the race through to the end. No good comes from keeping an interest in racing results.

Eventually, when I lost and the races were over I would gamble the rest of my money chasing losses by betting on non-televised races, dogs, virtual cartoons then FOBTs. I might even bet on online foreign races I cannot even watch if things got really bad.

I need to think of a decent reward for getting to Day 100. I have not felt the need to give myself decent rewards for previous milestones because I have been treating myself to numerous little rewards as a result of having money to spend on myself.

Day 90

Dreaded payday looming. I feel confident I will not gamble but I have been thinking an extra grand would be real nice so I could pay off my largest Credit Card debt. Only reason I am in a position to pay most of it is due to not gambling. Just need to be patient. My debts are manageable while I stay out the bookies.

Day 92

Why would any sane person continue to gamble when they know they will lose all their hard earned pay? I am in such a better position than I was when gambling. I am able to spend 25% (ish) of my money on improving my quality of life. Unfortunately, I am still puting 50% (ish) of my money towards debts. I have no idea what I will do when I have all my wages to myself (minus a few monthly bills). Just need to pay the CCs first.

Day 94

Payday today. I felt a little urge to gamble when I left work. Good day. Got things done and left with the feeling something was complete and was ready for the weekend. On way home I looked at the door of the first bookmakers I passed and thought I deserved a bet. Just a thought. I kept going.

I just used most of my money to pay off my second largest credit card and it feels good. Only 3 debts left. All debts would not exist without my gambling problem.

Actually it does not feel that good when I think about it. Once again I dont have too much to live on for the month because of my gambling debt. I will be spending this Friday night with a few bags of sweeties rather than going out and spending the money I earned.

Anyway, much better plans for tomorrow. I am making progress. No need to get complacent or dwell on things. Onwards to Day 100.

Day 97

I have decided against getting a new phone as my Day 100 reward. I believe a new model might be due soon and it is a lot of money. I think I should get something fairly big that I can be proud of and get a lot of use from. Something I can take a bit of pride from owning.

I wish there was not a bookmaker everywhere I go. If I go for a takeaway, have an appointment, if it rains, etc. there is always the temptation to wait in the bookies. Aargghh.

Day 99

Abstaining from gambling has certainly been easier the last while. I guess it might be because I was getting near 100 days. 100 days is just half way. I am more determined to get to 200 days and see where it goes from there.

Day 100

All of 30 minutes after thinking things were going well I started thinking of making some large bets and again all day today Why? My laptop screen developed a fault and it looked like I dropped it. Screen is damaged. I was expecting to be told I would have to pay for the repair. Repair would have cost a significant amount of money. I was not pleased as always when I get a large unexpected. Fortunately, I was getting carried away and turns out I should get my screen fixed at no cost to me. I am still disheartened that I was so close to gambling because of some bad news .

Yay! Day 100. I bought new trainers.

Typing on this site with iPad is not easy. 🙁

Massive congratulations Degenerate 100 Days without a bet is brilliant . Your urges to gamble today struck a real chord with me . On several occasions in the past I've discovered that milestones in recovery are good , but can be very dangerous , sometimes leading to a relapse . Well done my friend you have shown a lot of courage and resilience .

Wishing you happiness and good times ahead ...... stephen

Hey bro congratulations! Sorry if i was late just got back from Paris ! Keep it up ! SARS

Thanks guys. Very grateful you took time to comment on my diary.

Day 116

Really day 116? I think I have been neglecting my diary. Probably due to complacency. Not had too many new things to discuss.

Anyway, yesterday was an EPIC day. I was strolling towards my most frequented bookmakers and I was having the usual thoughts of gambling when I noticed something as I got nearer. The windows were all covered up and as I glanced into the place via the door it looks like the place has been stripped bare. No carpets, TVs or FOBTs. I am fairly certain the place has closed down.

I like to think that part of the reason they have shut up shop is due to them not receiving a cut from my wages the past 4 months and certainly a smaller cut over the last couple of years. Good riddance. Just need the other 1000 bookmakers in the area to close down and things will be a lot easier.

Hey bro well done for staying strong ! Keep up the good work abstain and maintain ! And of course one day at a time !

Sars

​hi degen very well done on ur 100 , knew u could do it, just a thought how come the staff in bookies don't tell u to get out when ur excluded, I just let staff know and when I walk past and see them I know I cant go in as id be embarrassed if they told me to get out. Theres a national telephone number to exclude from bookies your having problems with you just send them a photo and select the bookies u know u might go in. Just a thought. Well done just don't go in if possible. No bet is ever going to be a good idea. I'm doing pretty well on day six at mo. Ive just excluded from all UK casinos which should mean ill save a good few hundred this year from not going to the one in Brighton....keep at it mate