Degenerate IX

Thanks Mixer. PB is now in the bag. I am not sure about world records but I will get to 200 days and I might as well do a full year.

Day 152

A new personal best. I was not busy yesterday and felt very tempted to watch the racing on TV as I was waiting in the house all day for something. Today I was in the gym, visited friends, watched a film in cinema and never thought of gambling once.

I now have 2 whole weeks annual leave and not much planned for the time off. I will not be busy everyday and will need to find something to fill my time as boredom leads to stupid thoughts.

Day 155

Quiet day. Lots of thoughts of gambling. I am off work and its day before payday. Looking at finances too much. Undecided about what to do with my disposable money as I do not want to pay it all towards debts for a change.

Day 156

Yesterday, I was wandering what to do with my leftover pay today. Today, I dont get paid in full and I dont have anywhere near as much leftover pay as I thought. Furious, I need to remain calm till my wageslips are generated.

I have hardly woken up yet and I am already wanting to gamble. I am going to be good (bored) and pay debts so I cannot be tempted.

Hi Degen - It must be very frustrating having dome the sums and realised you've not been paid what you are due. I'm assuming it's some kind of administrative c**k up and you WILL get what you're owed, even if it's not today.

Remember, REMEMBER - gamblng just makes a PROBLEM (however bad) WORSE.

DO NOT GAMBLE. Flick that teasing, over-excited gambling devil from your shoudlers. Remember, he LOVES it when you're agitated like this. Tell him to **** off. DO NOT BUCKLE. This is the time you've got to be extra resolved, extra strong.

This situation will resolve itself, you will get the extra pay you're due, let this stressful moment pass.

As for being bored, I suggest reading 'Stopping Gambling' by Allen Carr. You'll read it and think - yep,that's me he's talking about. You'll be gripped and you'll be dipping in out of it all day. £3.60 on Kindle, or £7 paperback on Amazon and you'll get it tomorrow.

With you here, Degen and, P.s. It's my payday too, and I'm leaving work with £4 in my pocket. No cards, nothing.

What makes a man (or woman) is how they deal with adversity. Here's where we show are true colours. And with 155 GF days under your belt you are certainly showing what you're made of ... you get the fullest respect from me. Lets all keep going, wherever we are on this journey...!

Thanks Mixer. Many useful comments there. Look forward to speaking to you in Chat.

Day 157

Seems I have been paid correctly. I treated my previous payslip as my first full wage in my new job and I was wrong. Upon closer inspection, I see that the taxman gave me a refund and this month he has got back to shafting me as always. Sigh.

Anyway, my financial plan is in tatters and I will not be debt free as soon as I expected. I am gutted. I had lots of thoughts of gambling. I wont dwell over it like I have done previously as I dont want to be too repetitive but I did the bookies hokey cokey again. In, Out, In and Out a few times but I managed to see sense.

I paid too much to debts so I couldnt use the cash for gambling. I still have time off work and I now I dont have much money to do anything I was planning. I need to be able to handle having access to funds.

Congratulations Degen , in a few hours you'll be 160 days away from your last bet . Full credit to you , that's a massive achievement in itself but it's also the foundation stone for a far better life .

I guess you have had emotional ups and downs but you've kept your courage and stayed strong . It's inspiring to see friends winning their battles , showing it's possible to break free from this awful addiction ....stephen

Thanks for your post Stephen. Getting closer to my first target. 🙂

Day 162

Read my old diaries. What a loser. At least I am getting the complacent thoughts a bit later than I used to and its good to see I am making some progress. I cannot gamble again. Past experiences show I have been saving money for my next relapse and I have barely made any dents in my debts. Seems I relapse when my debts get to a comfortable amount.

[7700]

Day 166

About 200 days from a year gamble free. I am very confident I can and will do 200 days this time. Can I go a full year gamble free?

I read somewhere, Degen, that if you think you will be gambling free, you will be gambling free.

I think, given your character - and that determined streak you have - puts you in a very good position Degen. One day at a time towards a GF year.

Keep up the the good work bro! Don't let anything put you down 🙂

Sars

Thanks Mixer and Sars 🙂

Day 167

I have been concentrating on a set number of days and not concentrating on my recovery. At the back of my mind I have never been convinced that I will NEVER gamble again. I need to learn to accept I will never gamble again.

That's progress Deg (thumb up)! Counting the days helped me move past the "I will just have a little gamble as a treat" (you know how it goes, a little treat for all the hard work & smash the hard work to smithereens) to "I can't gamble anymore!" (sad face). Working on me has shifted that to "I don't gamble anymore!" (relieved face)! If I remember rightly, you are a 30 year veteran of the 'sport' also & as great as 167 days is (24 weeks tomorrow, whoop whoop), we're still in the hole to a gazillion days...Have you thought about switching off the counter? It got a bit like waiting for the Candy Crush lives to refresh for me & was all I thought about. Fixating on the debt seems to give you a similar focus & you need to figure that out because debt is such a small (painful) part of our problem...Gambling destroys us, let it go - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT. I know what you mean but I am going to keep number counting till I get to a year gamble free.