Dolphin diary

This is my first diary. Today is 31 March 2017

I play future and option for 10 years. All these years, I lose about £250000.
3 days before, I thought to stop. But to be honest, not determined.

Remove those app from Mobile at morning and added back at noon.

Always think that if I play one more time and I can chase back bit by bit. Set goal not to loss more than £60 per day and if I lose to the limit, stop at once.
Always think to play discipline and strictly follow cut Loss cut win. But I always failed.

I am very puzzled. It seems I can't never be a disciplined trader. Indeed to be a disciplined trader was.already my birthday wish for 3 years.

I like to do research. All the days study index plot and analysis and I am not a person to follow news to buy

I don't understand why I cant escape the fate to be a gambler. What I want to be a disciplined trader but turn out to be, once if lose, I hard to stop.
When win, it is ok, I can cut win.

Yesterday, when I placed order of ВЈ 1000 to an option that was expired few hours later, and 10mins later, all was gone

At that moment, I realized that I am crazy. I can't control myself and I want to withdraw all the money out of the account and stop

This morning, I told myself the first thing is to close all the position and withdraw the money. But what I do is add position and then lose.

I told myself this is the last time I play and I put a cut Loss. If The cut Loss hit, I stop. The cut Loss hit at the lowest point. I think I am the most stupid.

The position closed. As money can only taken out 1day after, I afraid on monday, I am not determined to stop, I call stock agency to place a request to withdraw on Monday

I am puzzled
I think what I lose is enough and I have to admit that I am a gambler not a trader
I don't want to play any more
But I am not determined

Those the amount I lose is enormous, I am lucky that I have no loan

Do I have to reach the rock bottom then I will determined to stop? I don't know

At least I place a request to withdraw money from account

I wish that this is my last day to play future and option.