Feeling hopeless!

Day 4 still very early days but going really well, feeling positive. trying a different approach this time, instead of distracting myself from the thought of gambling im trying to tackle it head on, thinking about why i do it, learning as much as i can then talking about it. I will not gamble today!

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Thanks for your reply, yes I know what you mean about moving stages faster after a relapse, I don't think you ever Really go back to 1 once your a cg no matter how hard you try.
And feel free to ramble on my diary as much as you like, I'm always interested in other peoples thoughts and opinions.
day 5 now but feels much longer, no urges at all, feeling happy and confident that today I will not gamble!

Day 6, payday! A decent wage this month with it being a 5 week and alot of over time, the plan was to buy a car today, id be skint for the rest of the month but I'm use to that anyway, at least it would be for a good reason for once! But the car I was ment to get failed it's mot, so that plans out the window. Instead I'm going to pay all my bills then empty my bank and give it all to my mam to keep hold of untill I find another. I was disapionted and usually that would lead to urges to gamble, but not today, I'm not worried at all, confident that I will not gamble a penny of this month's hard earned wage!

Day 7 another good day, been at work but was a nice shift. Then back home switched off my phone for a few hours an spent time making Easter cards with my daughter then watched a film together. No thoughts of gambling except from a dream I had last night, not the first time I've dreamt of gambling but the others were all of me winning, this time was very different 'I went into a place to get food but when I got inside it was full of slots machines it was actually more of a nightmare, I was panicking and trying to find a way out, I didn't want to be anywhere near them'. Got me thinking that even my subconscious is fighting back, I know it was only a dream but it's made me feel even more positive that this will be my final diary, no more relapses from now on.

Day 8 gf, got a car today so that's my whole wage gone already but I'm actually pleased as it takes away any temptation. It's not unusual for me to have no money left so soon after pay day, but it's the first time it's all gone on something good. Once again another day passes with no urges at all. In a very good place right now, really hope it lasts!

Hi, I've just read all your entries and really identify with everything you have written - well done on achieving so many days gamble free. I have been a cg for 5 years now - stopped for 160 days til last oct I just keep giving up for 12 days or so then relapsing - I haven't got the money to bet as I did in the past but it's frustrating that relapse has become a habit - I take inspiration from reading your posts - feels like I'm not so alone in this journey. Take care and keep going. X

Thanks Annie, your deffinatly not alone in this! Hope we can both stop with these relapses, although I think this last ones actually helped me in strange way, made me hate gambling even more and now I just want to try harder then ever to stop for good.
Day 9 gf still no urges but my nerves and anxiety have been quite bad again today, starting back on kalms and switching to camomile tea, Seemed to help last time. It's awfull feeling on edge, restless, over thinking and worrying over anything.

Hi TFHS, Reading your diary feels like looking in the mirror. My most recent relapse was probably my smallest loss yet I feel the worst I ever have because I am disappointed in myself. It really does feel different this time and I hope it'll be the last time I will feel like this. I am learning to fill my time with productive tasks and trying to make my life better (without concentrating on money). I hope your emotions settle and that you feel better soon - be proud in what you have already achieved.

Good luck on your journey and I hope that we can walk the long path together.

Thanks samorgo, I know what you mean about not concentrating on money, I find most thoughts of money leads to urges, if you feel you don't have enough you think you need to try an win some more, if your ok and have some spare cash you think aww well I don't need it, might aswell use to to gamble! We need to learn how to enjoy that spare money, treat ourselves to something we'd usually say we can't afford!
Day 10, back to double figures! Feeling a little more relaxed today, think it's no suprise my emotions are so all over the place, I'm sure spending so many hours staring at wheels spinning and going back and forth from excited to nervous then devastated must do some damage to your brain! My mental health has suffered alot but I'm now working on getting it better.

Day12 gf, still doing well, keeping busy, been out today for a nice walk to the pond with my daughter catching frogs in the pouring down rain! Not my usual idea of fun but it beats another day stuck in the house watching cartoons! No thoughts of gambling anyway, my life's feeling alot more normal these past couple of weeks.

Day 14 doing well, keeping busy. Did have to pass by the place I usually gamble in today, luckily I wasn't alone as I got a massive urge to go in, not sure if I would have been able to resist if I was by myself. I'll just make sure in future I avoid going that way unless I'm with someone.

Day 16, not a great day, been feeling stressed an a bit miserable. Really wanted to gamble earlier, started asking myself if I actually needed to stop gambling, thinking it's not all bad, sometimes it's fun, sometimes I win. Took ages to get these stupid thoughts out of my head, came on here to remind myself that yes it is very bad and I can never win! Frustrating when this happens, almost like I have a split personality, one side that hates gambling and never wants to do it again and another that wants to keep doing it and doesn't care about the devastating consequences! I'm just glad I'm not having these thoughts often anymore because they really bring me down!

Day 17 still felt low this morning, standing in the que at the shop looking at the scratch cards thinking which ones I wanted to buy, but never give in. Instead I took my daughter out to the park then visited a friend. So after the walk, fresh air and a good laugh with a friend I'm now feeling great, urges have long past and I'm feeling relaxed.

Day 21, had a busy few days, been getting out alot walking and been swimming, spending time with family and friends, even been doing some baking! Not thought much about gambling or money, been feeling happy and relaxed. Wish i could always feel this happy and worry free!