Hi, my names Dan or in Mr Brightsides challenge page I'm down as RST18, 25 and from Derby. I've never started a recovery diary as I don't think I ever truly wanted to quit gambling.
I reached 100 days of no online gambling from the start of 2014 but then totally slipped up as I fell in to the trap of one little go is ok, after all I've saved loads of money by not gambling. Bit of a mistake and disappointed that I let the group down.
So a bit about me, I'm a university educated student still studying for a management accounting qualification and work for a pub company at their head office, yet still on basic wages due to lack of promotion (caused by my mind taken over by gambling).
I'm starting this diary at 5am as I woke up eager to gamble. I'm currently 7 days free of the time wasting. So why the title of "100 day target" surely it should be a lifetime target? Well I have a holiday to America in the summer and I leave on my 96th day of abstinence. It's a sort of motivation that I can celebrate 100 days relaxing not a care in the world and know that the rest of my life will be like that.
In terms of debts I have built up 15-20k over just 3 years due to my obsession with getting more loans to try and win it all back. I haven't taken out a loan since Oct 2013 and am slowly paying it off, although I'm not rushing and with my bank I have a 7 year plan to pay it off. 7 years!!! I bet some of you think that's forever but it gives me freedom to still live my life a little bit and not leaving me scrapping around before payday, even putting some into savings accounts. Hopefully I can pay it off in 5 or sooner due to saved cash or a pay rise but for now it's not affecting my credit rating and I can afford holidays.
Despite the pain and time wasted that gambling has caused I do not want to feel sorry for myself and be ruining the next few years as I think this will only lead to my return to gambling which happened only a couple of weeks ago, but that was due to sheer boredom from my studying. I have exams next week so this is the best time to quit.
My vice is betting on my phone, the numerous website you can visit with a click of a button and the amount of in-play betting is scary. I was betting on random basketball and volleyball teams I'd never heard off, often losing 500-1000 a time. Crazy but all it took was one big win and you think, "I can do this again until I win it all back", but you can never win because you will never stop.
So this diary will be pretty short and sweet probably just a weekly check in, might chat about my week and positive things I have done instead of staring at my phone from morning to night, (yes this even included my office when I'm working). Sorry for the long intro but if anyone sees themselves in this and wants to follow my journey then welcome. I hope to bring positivity not only to myself but anyone else who feels they are going down the dark road of gambling, I'll try to show the light at the end of the tunnel (like the Facebook video that's gone viral) "look up from your phone and leave distractions behind, you never know what you could miss". RST.
Dan, good to hear from you.
I'm more than happy to follow your journey.
My name's Davie and i am now 8 days gambling free.
I've wasted about 30 years of my life to gambling and have determined to not waste a single day more.
My biggest vice over the last few years was online football betting. I very rarely went into a bookies or a casino. It has consumed the majority of my life , my thought process my personality.
I know it's only 8 days, but for the first time for as long as i remember i feel positive and i have hope. Genuine hope, not the false hope i've lived with for so long.
Dan, i hope we can both reach our goals and transform our lives. I'll look forward to keeping up with your diaries. All the best.
Davie
Dan
Fella an amazing post written by the rational side of the mind,not the one which compels you to lose your money over and over.
I applaud your making a plan to repay your debt in a way that there won't be pressure to find extra money through gambling to make repayments.
Keep setting targets,goals,they will help greatly in your resolve to achieve them.
On a more practical side have you considered 'down grading' your phone,I have today a phone upon which I can only make calls and text.
My choice came from sitting on another smart phone and breaking another screen!!
the new phone is like stepping back twenty years lol,but hey it does the job I need it to.
Keep making the right choice
Duncs stepping forward never back
Hi Davie, good to hear from you, glad my diary struck a cord with you and hope that we can both beat this obsession. Bit of Monday morning blues today, lots on at work and come home to yet more studying, at least no time for gambling, only distractions I have are candy crush and my need for food.
Dunc thanks for your words, not sure about the going back to olden days without a touch screen phone but I have blocked and changed passwords on numerous betting sites, although I think it's more my mindset that will help. I feel in a much better place financially and outside of work life.
9 days free of gambling. 91 days to go (have had 1 slight urge to bet). So that means on average il get 10 before my holiday. All blocks in place so bring on the next urge and il just laugh it off and count up how much I've saved from staying gamble free.
Morning Fella
Great attitude you have there,I hope it continues to serve you well.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
10 days clean. 1/10th of the way. Those last 10 days flew by. World full of distractions right now, exams next week then off to London to see Derby in the play off finals and Arctic Monkeys. Currently sat in a quiet room studying at work, knowing I'm starting to get over this gambling problem. 6 months ago I would lie to people saying I was studying to just sit for an hour and watch 500 slip through my fingers with the last shot of a basketball game. Looking back I realise how stupid and wasteful I have been but looking forward the opportunities are endless with all the free time and money. RST.
Coming to the end of day 12. Having a few drinks tonight so came on here to reassure myself that I wont gamble tonight even if I get a bit drunk. Sometimes my downfall but something I always regret in the morning. It will make the hangover more bearable knowing that I won against my urge to gamble.
rst
fella thanks for the kind words upon my thread,it raised a huge smile to think my ramblings could help others.
I simply write a true account of life today,one in which I do encounter like everyone the trials and tribulations of life,but can always find a light to focus upon,something to ensure my glass is always half full.
My friend I hope yours got topped up last night,the head is not too sore this morning lol!!
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
rst, thanks for your words of encouragement on my thread. Sorry i haven't really been keeping up with everyone elses diaries the last week. I work offshore so am doing 12-14 hour days every day. However i'll be off this Wednesday so looking forward to that.
A really big well done on staying gambling free. It's a fantastic feeling isn't it?
There have been so many lows in my life and so many times i've made deals with myself that i'll stop, but i've never really determined to do it like this time. This website has been fantastic and people like you that are going through the exact same thing as me have been an amazing encouragement. It's amazing how you get so secretive, insular and depressed with gambling that you really think you're the only person in the world like that!! Being honest on here and seeing other peoples honesty is fantastic. It kind of breaks the power gambling has over you because it brings it to the light and exposes it.
Sorry about the rambling. I went so long bottling things up that now i find it hard to stop when i start:-)
Anyway. Well done on staying gambling free and i'm glad i'm on this journey with you. Cheers mate
Davie
Don't worry Davie ramblings are good, getting everything out is such a great feeling and probably a reason why I've just started a recovery diary even though it was at the start of 2014 that I have been making an active effort to quit. Actually my 26th birthday today and its going to be the first of many where I am not ruining the day by gambling. Too young for this burden of debt. Hopefully by 30 will be gamble and debt free but no need to rush things, off for a meal and drinks with my girlfriend tonight, she will be paying too which is a bonus 🙂 Day 14 of freedom and feeling refreshed.
Morning of day 16. So stressed with exams coming up but no urges to gamble as I literally have no time to think right now. By the time my exams are over I will have saved myself 180 (based on 10 a day). Hopefully that will spur me on to stay clean as I would really enjoy having 1000 towards my holiday and to start up general savings again. As you can tell I am driven by wanting more money but can get so impatient that I turn to gambling to try and get money quicker, which inevitably leads to more losses and wanting more money back so its a deadly cycle I need to be out of for good.
Rst
fella great to see your life has the correct priorities in place,I have three kids myself,eldest is just ending year two of an english degree,middle one is just sitting her A levels and youngest currently sitting his first gcse's. I am fully aware how my gambling effected not only my life but theirs too.
Keep making the right choice and life will gift you continued opportunities to actually live without the cloud that our compulsion to gamble and the misery it brings.
Patience is something a great deal of us need to learn with recovery,my whole life has been pretty gung ho,with some devastating outcomes.
Good luck with your exams,I hope your effort is rewarded.
Duncs stepping forward never back
Day 18, exams done and dentist visited. Keeping self busy so I don't go back online now I suddenly have more free time. Dentist visit not great as need some work that may cost 80-100. There goes my savings from the last week and a bit. 🙁 Ah well, 1 more week free and that's paid for though. Always things like this come along and my first thought is to gamble and get it paid for. But not this time, should feel more rewarding that way.
Hey pal. Great to see you're pushing on and staying gamble free. Fantastic.
I'm still right alongside you. 20 days free. Feels great.
I haven't been checking in because I've been travelling home. Staying with my Mum and Dad on the way. Been a lovely few days. Home today and feeling brilliant not gambling. Looking forward to 3 weeks free tomorrow!!
Keep on keeping on mate.
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