Focus on the future, because in the future you haven't gambled

So update on my situation. My parents gave me 3000 which I used 2300 to pay off most of the debt on the card. The other 700 I have on my card to get me out of my overdraft for at least a month or so. No temptations to splurge it all on some silly bet.

This gives me a lot more breathing space, although I do have to pay my parents back at some point but the cards getting paid off are a priority and reducing any interest I am paying will make a massive help. I'm starting to focus on the stacking method for paying off cards and trying to put that little bit extra on my highest interest card so I can then pay that off and move to my second highest card etc...

Fingers crossed in a year's time I'll be looking at being in a great position. Plus I'll be over 450 days gamble free.

I'm also listening to an Audible book on The Easy Way to Stop Gambling by Allen Carr. Got a free 30 day trial and this book. Hope it sorts my brain out and gets me even more free from the gambling grip that I am starting to see loosen ever so slightly.

Anyway off to watch Deadpool 2 as a birthday treat to myself. 30 years young yesterday, have had a lot of freebies and hotel stays (due to work) recently which has helped no end with my happiness levels and my bank balance.

See you all later.

Dan.

Happy birthday for yesterday mate.

Sounds like you've been giving a big oppertunity to get on track with finances. Just make sure it does help you live and not gamble. Keep making the right choice with that and you really can just get on and enjoy life.

All the best.

So are you just good old fashioned lying to your parents to get money?

Louis

Thanks for the message sjw. Louis I see you have done very well in abstaining but comments like that are not constructive, not everyone wants to let people into their secret, yes so I may lie to my parents but it's about making my situation better.

I am not gambling and don't plan on ever again, I just want this over as quick as possible and the main problem I have is the interest rate I am accumulating. If I take that factor our and just owe my parents back without interest it is a win in my opinion and can help me in other factors of my life such as actually being happy for once, actually genuinely being happy! Not the fake happiness gambling brought but knowing I have a future. If I have to lie in the short term because I am too scared of people knowing the truth then I will and that is my decision.

Dan.

Dan

I'm just pointing out the elephant in the room.
Is my comment really not constructive - or is it painful to read?

I actually took some time to read through your diary before posting as I didn't want to make a snap judgement. As you know, you've been in a similar position to this before. I wish you success. But if you're basic point is that you need this money (just this once) and that everything will then be fine - this is not bourne out by your history.

If it sounds like I'm speaking from some ivory tower, well that's a shame as it's not intended. I've been through your position in more ways than you might expect. I did the year abroad/travel thing and ended up in Sydney for around 8 months - doing 2 jobs partly in order to feed my habit. I remember borrowing a grand off my folks when I was out there to keep my trip (and lifestyle) going. I wouldnt tell my parents about my habit until 10 years later.

I wouldn't find this site or even admit to anyone (even anonomysly) about my addiciton for around 8 years after Sydney.

So in a sense you can be way ahead of me - if you actually stop now (I'm 40 now).

But I can't help but feel that if I'd got my head out my a77e a bit earlier. If my shoddy behaviour of deception and self-delusion had been called out - it wouldn't have been a bad thing.

So there you go. It's corny perhaps but I challenge you for what I feel is your own good. Plenty of people here will pat you on the bat and won't comment on whether something's right or wrong.

So, now that I've hopefully given some background to my involvement with you......

TELL YOUR PARENTS. ITS THE ONLY WAY TO GET OFF THIS MERRY GO AROUND.

Sorry for shouting. Best wishes

Louis

Sorry one other point. And I think this is an important one, and one I've raised elsewhere before.

I've been on these forums for over 5 years. I used to to read people's diaries avidly, even compulsively. I would estimate that I have probably read between 5 and 10 thousand diaries over the years.

Here's the thing. No one has succeeded who has kept their addiction a secret. I know this is slightly arbitrary, but if you define 'success' as 2 years abstinence - this seems reasonable to me, then literally no one amongst those 5-10 thousand people have managed it by opting to go down the secrecy route.

I've started a thread on this - asking for people to shout out who have succeeded through the secrecy route. No one's stepped forward. I've had arguments with people about this - they attack my observation is not a fact or scientific. They attack my 2 year criteria. They find me hectoring. Well OK but nonetheless, there's no actual evidence to contradict my view.

I could be lying - but what is my motivation? I know that tribalism works at tiny levels - maybe I took a certain route and want others to go my way so I feel part of a group. Well OK but the most anyone has ever said, is that they know someone who stopped for 2 years. This 'success' was not on this forum and so I'm reluctant to accept this - as we have no way of knowing if this is true. At least with diaries you can track people and it's more verifiable than what joe bloggs tells you.

So the evidence suggests that to have a chance of cracking the addiction - you HAVE to open up to family or a partner. Sadly the converse is not true - if you do open up you're not guaranteed to succeed. But by opening up you give yourself a chance.

I know this might sound depressing reading. But it's important.

If you could imagine separating yourself from your predicament - say you play god for a second. Or say you have a friend who is a heroine addict who is keeping it a secret and asking to borrow more money. Be honest here, what would you recommend?

Why should it be different when it's you?

Hi Dan, how's things? I've been reading your latest updates and it sounds as if you're doing well.

Hi Louis, thank you for your input. I know telling my parents would probably solve things but I'm just embarrassed to do so. If you have read my diary you will see I have started to tell people like my banks and credit cards. The first call I was so nervous but actually by the last call I was almost proud to tell him I am a recovering gambler.

These things take time, I think my next step when I eventually go back to England and spend time with friends will be to tell one of my closest friends and hopefully let him know how my recovery is going. I'm sure they will be very supportive and may be the start of becoming truly clear of this disease.

Anyway, less of the negative, happy to report another day of gambling free and enjoying life. Did a half marathon yesterday, felt very rewarding, not a care in the world and enjoying the sunny sights of Sydney and also improving my personal health which always got worse during my gambling binges.

Dan.

Yeah the embarassment and shame around telling parents can feel overwhelming. Telling my dad felt like a red line I could never cross. But somehow I did, and it was one of the best things I did. Most people I read about are overwhelmingly positive about the 'coming out' experience. Will leave it there for now all the best.

Hello diary, day 143. Just read some of my earlier entries this year and glad I'm pretty much on track.
Enjoying myself at my new job working at a ski resort, things are a bit expensive and temptation to go out a lot but I'm managing my money quite well.
Hope this is the 3/4 months that will give me time to focus on my life and find out where I want to be.

I live with people who often talk about pokies and other gambling, might be tempted to tell them straight up I used to have a problem so they don't tempt me or bring it up so much.

Dan.

Rst.Ex-CG wrote: . I live with people who often talk about pokies and other gambling, might be tempted to tell them straight up I used to have a problem so they don't tempt me or bring it up so much. Dan.

Good idea. It’s amazing how the people you tell (I’ve told around 6 close friends aside from family) will say oh god my dad had a problem with that or they know someone who gambling’s affected. I’ve had nothing but support ad I think your housemates will def refrain from that subject around you I’d they knew the score.

Thanks Leedsfan. I have mentioned I used to gamble a lot a while ago. They have actually just gone out to the pub tonight to go and try and win on the pokies. I'm sat watching TV relaxing and coming on here to remind myself that I am beating this and enjoying myself a lot more than the stress that gambling brought me.

150 days!!!

Very happy.

So proud of the England lads, such hope for the future. Dissapointed yes but we went above our expectations.

Also proud of myself for not placing a single bet during the tournament. Huge step in the right direction and still have thoroughly enjoyed the tournament!

164 days, almost half a year, starting to save a bit from my skiing job and still able to have drinks and food with friends when I want.

Only thing missing is having a relationship with someone but that will come when I'm in a better financial position I think.

176 days. 1 week away from halfway point of 183 days.
I get annoyed when I see people back home openly talking about gambling and some actually winning a lot but I know I have my blocks in place and cannot place any bets.

Hi mate - I enjoyed reading your diary.  I am also in Australia.  Do you have an update for us?  Please let us know that you stayed off the trading crypto etc.  Thats definitely the road to ruin for many. 

Cheers, Gareth