Focus on the future, because in the future you haven't gambled

Hi Dan, congratulations on 125 days 🙂

Sorry to hear about your loss! As low as you feel, don't lose sight of how amazingly well you are doing & how much worse it would be had you not joined this path all those months ago!

Stay strong mate - ODAAT

126 days free of gambling.
1008 pounds saved.
1441 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 199 days = 1608

Days to payday - 25
Days left before next holiday - 8

So a pretty quiet weekend, meal for my mums birthday on Friday which was nice and an evening in on Sat catching up on a few TV series I've missed. Went for a really nice walk round a lake near my mum and dads this morning taking a few photos. A hobby I need to spend more time on, always good to have fresh air and not be couped up looking at my phone.

Have a good weekend all.

128 days free of gambling.
1024 pounds saved.
1441 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 204 days = 1624

Days to payday - 23
Days left before next holiday - 6

So have less than a week to holiday and have a lot of expenses, still no money from my inheritance due to my great aunties house only just up for sale, so having to be careful but have plans in place to pay a lot off when that comes through, looking forward to being more financially secure towards the middle part of the year.

Getting really busy at work so glad I have no other distractions.

Well,done on 128 days Dan, you are now pushing through the days with positivity and strength, and focusing on the future.

Suzanne xx

130 days free of gambling.
1040 pounds saved.
1441 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 206 days = 1640

Days to payday - 21
Days left before next holiday - 4

I have to apologise for being selfish in the past few weeks. I'm not commenting on anyone else's diaries or even reading them. I suppose we all go through phases like this, but I'm hoping to come back from my holiday and start Feb in a better frame of mind.

At least when I come back from holiday it will only 10 days until next payday when I will have a bit more breathing room.

134 days free of gambling.
1072 pounds saved.
1714 paid off (long term debts) +273
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 210 days = 1672

Days to payday - 17
Days left before next holiday - 1

So been a bit busy getting ready for skiing holiday that I really am neglecting this site, all good distractions though. Also had another date at the weekend which went really well, feel like I'm getting to a place where I could financial have a girlfriend again and without counting the pennies at every meal or outing.
We shall see about that after my holiday.

Right I'll see you all on Monday the 2nd with an update on the first month in 2015.

Keep busy everyone.

142 days free of gambling.
1136 pounds saved.
1714 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 218 days = 1736
Days to payday - 9
Days left before next holiday - 37

So had an amazing skiing holiday, some of the days on the slope I really had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn't a dream, there is no better feeling that the freedom of the slopes surrounded by such beautiful scenery.

I had budgeted quite well and could treat myself on the odd day that was until the final day when we couldn't catch our flight home due to the border to France closed. This meant we had to pay for a coach to Barcelona, flights to Gatwick (not birmingham as planned), then a train up to Birmingham. All in all this cost me 190 quid and I don't think the insurance company will cover it. But checking my bank I was actually thinking, that's ok, it's a slight set back but as I am not gambling my last pennies away I can afford this small inconvenience. Anyway we ended up having a laugh about it and despite picking up a cold towards the end of the holiday I feel rested and ready to cracking on at work with some very important presentations coming up. In my gambling days I would have been frantically working out a betting solution to try and win all that money back. Now I just have to wait until next pay day but no stressing, even have enough left to go and enjoy my friends birthday this weekend.

So just an update on Jan.
Days free from gambling - 31
Money saved from not gambling - 248
Debt paid off - c.500
Times have had gambling thoughts - 3 (footy x 2 and NFL)
What I have learnt this month from not gambling - that you can feel so much more relaxed in anything you do, enjoying a meal without worrying about the price, going for an extra drink with friends rather than making excuses to go home as skint.

You made us wait an extra day (or should I say the traumatic journey back did) but it was well worth the wait 🙂 I especially liked the attention to detail with your gambling thoughts 😉

You are doing brilliantly & lovely to hear that gambling to try & recoup the travel money (good job you had it available) was never a plan... I would like to think that the insurance will cover this so will keep my fingers crossed for you!

Don't worry yourself about posting, no-one here is judging, this is all about what's right for you & what you are doing is absolutely right! Great going on Day 142 🙂 Keep it up - ODAAT

144 days free of gambling.
1152 pounds saved.
1714 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 220 days = 1752
Days to payday - 7
Days left before next holiday - 35

So very busy at work with meetings and getting over a slight cold from holiday. Nice to hear you have been waiting for my next entry.

So have been relaxing tonight and decided to watch. 'The Gambler' with Mark Wahlberg. Such a great film and really portrays the mind spin we get in as gamblers trying to win back what we have lost. Its up to you if you want to watch it but make sure you keep the bad side of gambling in your head despite the odd time Wahlberg wins.
Really enjoy a part where he gets help from him mother and suddenly becomes more free again, but quickly spirals back again.

Remember the few good parts from the film and how it can be like that if we never gamble again.

147 days free of gambling.
1176 pounds saved.
1714 paid off (long term debts)
0 spent on gambling
Money +- in last 223 days = 1776
Days to payday - 4
Days left before next holiday - 32

So had a good half day studying then out for my grans birthday in the afternoon. Enjoying time with her and my other gran lots as they are some of the few close relatives I have left in my life and don't want to turn down any chances to see them.

My gran was asking me about my future, what I want to do and will I get married etc... I would like to but right now I don't have the money, or a long relationship so it would be a while yet, but I know my gran wants to see me happily married and I hope to be while she is still around to see it.

Sorry for a depressing entry tonight but have been thinking about things a lot this weekend especially with my uncles funeral on Tues. Payday on Thurs so that should cheers me up.

I'm sorry I'm a fraud, been lying for a week now. Have got myself into a new rock bottom. Don't know what to do.

Basically I haven't been gambling on tennis football etc but I have been using spread betting on the stock markets. I lost well over 2000 in just 1/2 weeks. Have nothing left, maxed overdraft, maxed credit cards, I was betting on a down trend on the oil price but it didn't come then panicked and with my last 500 quid put it on something else to try and make a quick return which literally lost me that money in 30 minutes. Never touching it again, to some it's a sensible way to invest where as I just go all out on one stock and my gambling head takes over.

I went to my bank today but got refused any more loans, might be able to get a payday loan for a few months as I have several bills to pay. Sold a story to my parents about needing money for holidays so might get 3/400 from them, although can't bring myself to tell them about gambling as having to deal with a couple of deaths in the family recently is enough for them.

Not sure wether to confide in a friend and see if they can lend me a bit of money, maybe have someone to look after my accounts. But then the thought of telling someone gets me into a cold sweat and I don't know how they will react.

On the plus I should be getting 10-13k inheritance in April may time and I think this is what has made me lapse and not care too much, but any more errors and that money will be gone in seconds to pay for all the s**t I've created.

Hi there,

Firstly you're not a fraud. You only had a slip and know yourself what needs doing next. Standing up and dusting yourself down. This is not the end of the world, these happens in recovery. Ask yourself what you can change to prevent them in future.

You should be very careful with your upcoming inheritance, maybe ask someone to look after that cash? Devil will be on your shoulder, you need to keep your guard up.

For now, just keep posting and building that bridge back up again. This is not day one dear soldier, you're far off from that. Keep believing and planning your future, recovery opens you all the gates possible to reach for your dreams.

Be kind to you...one day at a time

Sandra x

Hi Dan, thanks for the apology & welcome back! Your counter is reset & you haven't given up giving up, I can ask no more! Hopefully you have now realised that there is no 'quick return' gambling & will be drawing a complete line under it! Let it go & work hard on your recovery otherwise your inheritance will be gone before you get it (I know, I've been here before & I cannot go back)!

I can't tell you what to do but I'm sure you will figure it out so just wanting to let you know you have my support! Be strong - ODAAT

Hi Dan,

Sorry to read of your blip, (thought you had been quiet) but you are NO WAY back to the beginning, you have come a long way on this journey, you have learnt so much about yourself, getting straight back up and carrying on is such a big positive for you,

You are not a fraud, your honesty outweighs any of those feelings.

This addiction is soooo very hard to keep abstaining and maintaining but you know it is sooo much worth it, that's why you have bounced back. You have recognised what may have triggered you back, and that is a big positive to change thst way of thinking.

Even if we had a million pounds coming to us in the near future, it would never be enough to think we can have a dabble, even that sort of money would be gone sooner or later because our stakes would just keep multiplying.

Don't be too hard on yourself today, you have already come a long way in your recovery journey.

Suzanne xx

Sorry to hear about your week. At least you are back here now ready to take on the fight. 300 days left for the year as you say and that's enough time to show absolute comittment to stopping and staying stopped, watch that counter roll past all those milestones. You have come so far and done brilliantly in the past. It's just been a massive blip which you should put behind you. You can only change today and whether you gamble today. The future will take care of itself. If I were you I would try to ensure you accept that you can never win. Imagine if you had won on the last £500 you spent - even if you won it all back and even say you doubled what you had to start with. You and I know that you wouldn't stop there. Yes, sure we can temporarily 'win' but as compulsive gamblers it's only a matter if time before we spend it all again and usually a lot more besides ; be that at the bookies or online slots or even in your case gambling on the stock exchange. Our brains seem wired up to crave the gambling buzz. We are elated when we win, thinking of paying back the money we borrowed to play with (credit card and overdraft). But, sadly we have all proven to ourselves we cannot stop, therefore we cannot win.

Look at the history of all the people on this site. There's not one single compulsive gambler that has made money from gambling. All of us are in debt to some degree. My £10k debt plus maxed out overdraft is sickening. I look back and think - use your brain. I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent. How on earth then did I allow myself to max out all my credit cards and overdraft. It's clear I was never going to win.

All we can do is learn to accept and remember we cannot stop so we can never win.

Hope you' re steadily climbing back on your horse, ready to grab the reins and ride out the rest of the 2015 challenge my fellow soldier. I want to read your diary again, showing accumulations of how much you're saving by not gambling 🙂

Best wishes

Clare x