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Hi Sandra,

Those are some wise words you have written this morning, it is still about making the right choices even though it has been a long time since you gambled. Having fallen back into the habit after over a year myself, I know this can happen, so I'm glad to see you are still keeping your guard up, and dealing with the urges in the right way.

Quitting gambling is not a cure-all to the other problems that life can throw at us either. These are all important parts of building our characters along the journey, and what I do know is that you have the strength and courage to get to that place where you want to be.

All the best

Ryan

Hey girl just finished up work and yeah kicked back with that cold one waiting for my boy to call. Said he's excited at all the stuff that's coming at him and feels like It's Christmas. LOL Yeah guess his dad is sending him a thing or 2 for making it to the new unit so yeah can relate with Christmas. LOL thinking he will be getting them sandals today since I just got a post saying they'll be skipping the next post office and delivering since their in the area. So yeah let Christmas begin.

Work went pretty good and no complaints there. Asked my supervisor what he did with that fancy fish that matched his attire so well cause yeah wasnt to be seen when i got to work Friday night. Hell thought he tossed it to the dumpster and really thought of going fishing through it to find it. LOL nope not tossed to the land fill and said he took it home with him and is sitting on his bar. Hell guess if your gonna drink like a fish ya my as well be in the company of one hey? LOL Lol Lol guess I'm glad it found a home anyway.

Glad to hear your night was a bit calmer this round, and yeah having to put in another 12 hour after only sneaking in 3 hours of sleep has gotta suck. Hoping ya get much more in today.

Wishing you well, Sandra. Been a year since you arrived here and I'd just like to say well done for achieving what you have set out to do, in staying gamble free. I know you had a small slip, but other than that you can hardly say you were as bad as you were before you came here.

Through our adversities come strength.

All the best

Alex

Well hey girl and hope all is good with ya. Did some sorrow drowning myself getting up the strength to mow that lawn this morning. Then celebrated with a few more once the job be done. LOL

Work went ok. Stopped after to pick up some flea stuff for the cat. Noticed she's been scratching a little more than usual so needed to nip that in the bud. Bought a better brand this time. Been using some generic stuff before and always seemed to clump up on the back of her neck to a mass of sticky stuff that couldn't be washed out and had to take a scissors too. LOL yeah hoping that's not the case with this stuff.

Talked to me boy this morning and he seemed to be in a better mood than he was last night. Thought oh boy he's getting cranky and worried about his meds again and yeah last time that happened he was tossed to day one with the first unit. He said he talked to his doctor this morning and worked something out so yeah real happy to hear that one.

Hell think I'll be joining ya with that 3 hours sleep ya had a few days back. LOL Yup that's about all I got in my system today and thinking It's gonna be a long night. Off to make that first cup of Joe I guess. LOL

Hope all is good with ya.

Hey girl and oooouch. LOL just got woken up by my boy with a phone call. Was so dam tired forgot to strap that arm down to my body and yeah locked up above my head again. Yeah he heard some moaning and groaning pulling that one down. LOL

Ordered up them shoes, a hat and another tee shirt for him. Hell all came up to a $193 after a 20% discount and free shipping. Was hoping to stay under $200 and yeah Christmas is over. Hell he's already working on his next order and told him to slow his a-ss down cause sure not gonna be a weekly thing. LOL

Pay day went good. Got the bills paid, shopping done for me and the boy and came home with a extra $80 cash from the normal $300 I play with on pay day. Yeah casino was in sight and kinda looked that way more than a few times but nope stayed clear of the radar. Yeah they would of got that $80 plus more and probably my boys stuff too. LOL Lol Lol yeah I told him I got a gambling problem a few months back and he said to stop giving them his money. LOL Lol Lol so yeah pay day over and casino free yet.

Sounds like ya had a rough one girl and hope nothing to serious going on there. Life likes to toss in a few turds on occasion just to let us know were alive I think. LOL

But yeah didn't get much in for sleep again but oh well one more night to get through and I can see a 12 hour plus snooze heading my way. LOL

Hope life is treating ya good girl.

Hey girl, and can't tell ya how happy I am the weekend is here. Boy what a horrible week for sleep. Can't say I got more than 10 hours in the whole work week. LOL kid ya not. Yeah I'll be doing some snoozing today, well at least I hope so.

Suppose to be real nice out today and yeah rain for Sunday and Monday. Go figure. I'll still be grilling rain or high water though. Got me some extra thick pork chops to toss on the grill and wanted to pick up a decent steak yesterday to toss on too. They had a special on spoon steaks and got 2 packages of the things but wanted something better than that yet. Hell unless It's on sale It's just to expensive to buy. Hell at $12.99 a pound for a t-bone one steak was priced to go for $20.00 Lol Hell no I ain't paying that for one steak. Hell I can go to a fricken restraunt and have the whole meal served up for that. LOL So yeah hopefully they got a better sale going on Sunday on them steaks cause yeah I will be grilling one.

Kicked back with a wine cooler right now. Don't drink em very often but they had a variety12 pack with like 6 different flavors in it on sale and so far can't complain about a one. Sipping on one called "happy me" right now and yeah i think It's working. LOL

Guess I only got like 2 weeks left on 3rd shift and yeah school is out for the summer. Be working 6 in the morning till 2 in the afternoon for a couple months anyway. Guess right now the way It's been sounding around here with all them lawn mowers and leaf blowers fired up every day it ain't coming soon enough. LOL the switch of hours going on and then back to really sucks but yeah don't have no choice in the matter and a day person I will become.

Well hope your Saturday is going good for ya.

Let me see if this works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9oerntQ0f8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

LOL yeah kinda works, except ya come up with a few different choices. That one was suppose to be the selfie with miley Cyrus and came up second down the line in choices. Dam don't know why they took our fun away.

Just kinda woke up at 2 in the afternoon here and about to get that first cup of Joe brewing. Figure may as well enjoy a little of the daylight hours. Maybe only got in 4 or 5 hours of sleep but will be enough till I crash again later. No word from my boy this morning and call him later I guess. Use to have it set up with him to call after 7 at night and think I'll go back to that routine. The morning calls it seems if I call him I'm waking him up and he ain't to talkative and vise versa over here. LOL fell asleep half way through that 2nd "happy me" so yeah a little alcohol abuse going on there since the other half got dumped down the sink. LOL yeah don't know what the next flavor of the day will be and probably won't find out till tomorrow. Can only handle about 2 of them kinda drinks before they get to sweet and gotta switch to beer. LOL

Not sure what the rest of the day holds and kinda want to take my car threw the car wash. The guy I work with told me about a good tv series to watch on netficks called " trailer park boys" suppose to be about a bunch of pot smoking guys living in a trailer park in Canada and real funny so may be checking that out later. He's also on the internet on his phone all the time checking out this thing called I-funny. Says in Canada they got a scratch and sniff $50's over there. LOL yeah suppose to be a maple leaf on it and when ya scratch it smells like maple syrup. LOL don't know if i believe that one and may have to ask carla about that, wanna say she's from Canada. So yeah don't know if the car wash will be happening and that may wait till i make that steak run tomorrow. But wanna say the trailer park boy show is on for sometime today. Love them comedy shows and this one sounds like a good one.

Well hope your work shift went good and ya get some kick back time in your day.

Awe ///// girl, Lol yeah you know the routine. LOL Lol Lol can't believe I keep doing that sh-it. Dam

Hey you.... hope all is well. I don't know where my head was when I congratulated you on 100 days instead of a whole year (and now a year ++). You're amazing!

Yup I'm senile. LOL and the same old same old with the reply. Maybe I just don't drink enough. LOL Lol Lol coffee that is.

Morning Sis,

I could not have gotten through yesterday without you. THANK YOU!! No urges today. Well, not true. I have the urge to kick the living cr ap out of this addiction. I feel strong today and that is in part due to your unwavering support. Thanks again Sis. Have a great day, or evening or what ever the he ll it is over the pond. ha ha ha -joanxxx

Ahh think I've managed to navigate to the right page this time. LOL probably cause I'm drinking a bottle of water. LOL

Always good when ya can have a few laughs at work cause yeah time goes so much quicker. Just got my 3rd shift bud to talk to for most of the night and yeah wanna say he's 26 or so. Pretty big age gap between us but yeah we still hit it off pretty good and no lack for laughs and conversation going on there.

So shopping ya were. Always nice to get out and do some of that especially when it ain't for groceries. LOL yeah food shopping has never been a real favorite on the to do list but must be done I guess. So no luck with the trainers hey. Hopefully online shopping is kinder to you than me. LOL yeah got confirmation they got my boys order but nothing yet saying it was shipped out and on its way. Yeah just waiting to hear what was in stock isn't any more again. LOL Lol Lol yeah think I'll blow a gasket I hear that one again.

Just finished talking to my boy and yeah he rubbed it into his sister that i spent $200 on him. LOL yeah she's feeling slighted so Yup $200 will be floating her way next pay day. LOL Lol Lol yeah the girl never asks for nothing from me but when it comes to special treatment over her and her brother she's gonna want some cash flow too. LOL yeah guess that shoots down any thought of a double car payment next check and must keep children happy I guess.

Pouring out here again and if anything save me the job of watering anything out there. Sounds like ya got your job cut out for ya with that hedge and a cold one maybe just thing that's needed to get that job done. LOL always lessens the pain of doing things like that for me any way.

Keep enjoying the day.

Hi Sandra,

I hope everything's going fine with you, and that you're still on the right path. Guessing by brokensoul's responses that it is all good. I've let gamcare know. Been hard at work for the last few weeks, and now into a stretch of fifteen days without a day off, but the overtime is too good to turn down.

Well done for keeping on the straight and narrow, hope you are still finding that things are getting better the further away from gambling you get.

Ryan

Thank you all,

Day 379 in recovery. Seems like many steps been made going forward and making a choice in that time. Many tears shed, frustration, anger and beating myself up for the past was and still is present. What more active and recurring in my daily life now is smiles, honesty and peace...all of this came in time.

Daily struggles are still here, life didn't become easier and rosier, no , all of this is still here but the biggest improvement is in myself. No more lies, panic or intended self destruction.

Passed through bookies yesterday, didn't bother me one bit..what did bother me was a person leaving that place.defeated, head down...Addiction eating him inside out...and laughing in his face.I could clearly see the pain, hater, confusion and devastation in him...memories came back, that's how I used to feel...now I had addiction close by my side, but it was me holding head high and "it" just tagging along feeling weak and quiet...more likely just laying dormant waiting for the moment...the moment I am willing to never gift back, the choice is mine to make and I will do it just for today. No spins needed in my life, I prefer calmer and not as sickening approach in my life...I prefer peace with myself and the freedom I gift myself daily. I will have this compulsion with me for the rest of my life, and it's ok, this is addiction. .but it can be arrested if you want it.

....that person coming out of bookies never answered my hello...and he used to be be the sweetest and kindest person I knew...Addiction robbed my friend off me.. but it's not robbing my soul again.

Day at a time

Stay safe all

Sandra x