...

God d**n..felt so strong this morning and now feel like fighting for my life. b*****ks to you dear addiction! !! I will take minute at a time but you won't get a bloody penny off me!!

God...what a mess in my head...lalala best go do something and try to ignore these horrible urges..

A year?? f*****g feels like first time I joined here...ok...minute at a time..see what I can do to stay safe

f**k off nasty habit!

(Sorry for the swear words..just frustrated with myself now)

Hi Sis,

That's right. You know what to do. Tell the urge to f**k off. It's only a thought. A passing thought. The way we win is by not playing. That is how we beat the system. That's how we flip off the greedy ba s tar ds that employ psychology to manipulate our brain chemistries. We say no. Look at the poor ba s tard. Lol. He wants your money. He wants your time. He wants your soul. We win by saying no. Let the anger pull you through the urge and then let it go. I usually wind up bawling like a baby. That's the cycle for me. I just let it move through me and then back out again until no more anger and pissativity-- just peace. Breathe in and breathe out Sis. I'm here for you. -joanxxx

Oh Hell girl and hope ya got through that one ok. Ain't nothing worth going back to that.

Thanks for the message on me boy and yeah this boy developed these mental health issues like 5 years ago and yeah not a single med that wasnt tried. He just can't face the fact that he will always need to be on some type of medication. As far as he's concerned It's the meds messing him up. Guess It's just like the gambling problem. You just don't have a problem till you say you have a problem. LOL fu-cked up thinking but in reality true.

Guess I'm just tired of always going backwards with this boy.

Well my dear soldiers... i'm successfully kicking it into touch. What a disgusting addiction...d**n, I knew what I had to do and I will navigate safely through today. I never believed "ring a friend" on these tough moments truly worked, god d**n it does!!!

I am a looser caused kept loosing in a past, but I will be coming out as a winner every time I stick middle finger up at this beast..my choice is to keep my soul to myself and nobody is gonna take it away from me.

Right, sun come out so time for a run, I will keep stamping on that ugly head and won't give in to devil thoughts.

Thank you girls so much, will surely get back in touch later on tonight.

Take care my fellow soldiers xx

Awe dam girl. LOL Lol Lol same old same old with the reply. Yeah gonna blame this one on only a half cup of Joe running through my veins. LOL

Hi there

can't sleep so watching the dawn creep in over the river and listening to the birds sing.

Sorry to hear you have been having a tough time and know just what you mean about the phone, it can be a lifesaver.

Hope today feels brighter for you despite the rain.

xxx

Hi Sandra

Sorry to read you had a bad day yesterday

I am sure you will have a better day today I think sometimes we learn more the next day after a bad day which makes us stronger to abstain from the awful addiction we will win today because we won't play today

Best wishes Suzanne xx

Hey girl, yeah working the shift we do sleep never seems to be on our side is it? think I got in 4 hours at best. Yeah thought I'd go outside and work up some tiredness by mowing the lawn. LOL kinda knew the other side of the duplex wouldn't be getting it with that puddle of oil sitting under their mower. LOL don't know if it it made me tired but sure did get me Hungary. Still got time to get in a few more hours so who knows.

So ya got at that hedge hey. Hell i took the electric hedge trimmer to my bush in front of the house a little late in the year I think. Yeah the thing sure is brown right now and not much signs of new life going on in it. LOL Yup the one in the back of the house don't look much better but at least their shaped nicely I guess. LOL Lol Lol

Work went alright last night. End of the school year coming so all them after school activities are coming to a close. Guess it will be summer cleaning time in no time and yeah just kind of a boring ritual going on there. LOL

Got a email saying the boy should of got his goods today. Talked to him a little this morning and he was still waiting anxiously for it. He's talking less now about going off them meds totally so hoping that's a good sign.

Hope your night went well and ya do better in the sleep department than I did. LOL

Hey girl and what a fricken night, day and everything in-between. Lol yeah It's just kinda like that. Work went for ///// and loosing a really good coworker over another as-sholes bull's-it. Haven't gotten a bill from another place for like 2 months and just been sending them the money anyways. Hell they sent me a bill for like 20 cents this last month and yeah didn't know what was up with that but added a couple bucks extra to the regular payment and mailed it out this last check. Yeah and today I get a double bill. LOL yeah called the number on the bill and get a voice mail saying she out with some sort of surgery and don't know when she'll be back. LOL was given another number to call on this voice mail and yeah just another voice mail and left a message and heard nothing back yet. Omfg there is such a f*c-king argument going on at the neighbors right now It's unfuc-king believable. And yeah i just wanna crawl in a hole and hide. LOL Lol Lol

Oops wrong thread again. LOL o*g girl there's a whole family of squacking birds out there, relatives include.

LOL oh I be running, right to the fricken shower to drown this sh-it out. LOL Lol Lol can't wait to go to work.

Lol soul..yea keep running girl, hide and stay safe

Dear diary,

Beautiful sky over horizont. Sun will be rising soon.Another day starting, lovely sounds around.sometimes you just need to stop questioning and looking for answers. ..open your eyes and look at reality..see things for what they really are..it could be worse..

No gambling for me today, stay safe all..

S x

Hi Sandra

Pleased you are keeping strong and continuing moving forwards

Eyes wide open sounds good

Suzanne xx

Dear Sandra i am back wanted to say good to read your ALL your posts in my 8 weeks absence i slipped up bad and really am committed to this time to beating this and winning this fight. I really enjoy your diary and read it all the time when im here.

CasinoRoyaloser

Hi Sis,

I rumbled with the bas t ard all night long and came out the winner. I feel a little beat up today but, am ready to move on. I hope you have a great weekend Sis. Day at a time. -joanxxx