...

Awe girl you know better and all not lost. You kicked a-ss for over a year and will again. Put that sh-it behind ya like it never happened and carry on as before. We both know ya got it in ya. The more ya think about it the more it eats ya up and enough said on that.

Hope that night at works slides right on by and weekend before ya know it.

Sandra.

Standing beside you my dear friend.

In the words of our Shiny friend

Keep on keeping on.

As I said last week,don't let the compulsion to gamble steal that smile,you will keep winning.

Together we stand

Duncs stepping forward never back

Yo,

You can fill my thread up any time you want !!!!!!!!

Listen I would not be soooooo presumptuous to say that I know what you are going through .Because how could I possibly know what's going in on in your life or you head .

But reading what you've written I see similaries in where my mind and self loathing have been since the start of this year . I may or may not expand on that in my thread later . Sort of undecided bout that.

Suffice to say that when everything was supposed to be ultra shiny in shinies world after last years changes it went peak tong . All my addictions went into overdrive , my professional conduct after 30years called into question and my reputation sitting in tatters .

Did I do this to myself ..... Maybe although my distorted thinking puts all the blame right at my front door . Resulting in every waking moment over thinking and beating myself up over and over and over .

I knew that I needed help...... so for the last 3 weeks have been seeing a councillor , it is slowly very slowly getting better .

Have I got to the point where I like me ....... No.

But yesterday was a bit better than the day before .

That all we can do Hun, step back and realise that sometimes our distorted thinking takes over , pushing our self esteem to rock bottom.

Like I said , maybe none of this relates to you , but even if a tiny bit does I wanted you to know that as isolated as you feel you are not alone .

Today I am not going to have a bet , but more importantly I am not going to beat myself up with the biggest fooooking stick I can find. My hope is that you do the same .

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Sandra

You keep fighting back and thats what makes you a strong and determined lady

Today is what counts and and taking one day at a time YOU will win

Keep trying and keep going forwards

There is really no point in gambling as we just cannot stop

Take care

Suzanne xx

Morning Sis,

I'm sitting in front of my computer using a flashlight to find the keys. We are leaving for the cape today but, I wanted to check in on the diaries before leaving. Yours was the first I peaked into..... Ya know, I have fallen down so many times over the last two years that I lost count. There were times I too felt as if giving up gambling on the slots was hopeless. I know today that I am one twenty dollar bill away from financial disaster. And even that, on some days doesn't even matter. I hate this addiction too. I agree with Shiny. I cannot pretend to know what's going on for you but, I know what it feels like to fall down. I hate the habit but, we are not "the addiction". We are all just good people who go a little nuts sometimes. I like you, hesitate to write sometimes because it seems and feels risky. I worry about saying the wrong things to you. These words I write from my heart my friend and sister: You are a good person and you matter. I am proud to battle along side of you everyday. I have come to know that you have my back soldier. Please trust that I and so many others have yours. My neck is getting stiff from holding this flashlight under my chin. Lol. Talk soon and until then. HEYYYYY SISTER!!!!! ((((((((S)))))))))

Thank all so much lovely people, I don't deserve all these comments. Head is all over the place but I keep fighting, minute at a time, hour at a time...

...I will get back to you all if not today then in a near future. Just keep making the right choice. I will try to do the same...sorry

S.x

Yo ,

No sorry wanted or needed

Head high girl !!!'

Shiny cxxxx

Awe girl wish I could take all them bad feelings away. You know it gets better so just welcome it with open arms.

Sandra...you know you don't need to apologise to any of us, personally, you've offered me a tonne of support, and I know that you are without doubt strong enough to bounce back from this, and to start kicking gambling's a**e once again!

Proud to be fighting this alongside you,

Ryan

Thank you all

Dear diary

Day 3 and back home from work. Don't really wanna be here cause don't feel it as secure place to be. Can't remember driving back, was in a proper daze and don't think I even blinked once all the way back. Still very raw emotions, but that's what you get after the nasty. Yes tablet is here and no blocks on it. It will hav to go.

I know I have to stand up, dust myself down and move on. I find it hard, I keep beating myself up over and over again..not only for the recent blip.

I've got life to live, one shot. I want to find that way forward and stop looking back. Only I can do it...but I know I will need help. I want to be a better person and I will give my all to put that puzzle of my life together.

Very tired now, got splitting headache, conversation with an agent from this site yesterday plays on my mind, I must of sounded bad. Conversion with my best friend is on my mind too...I will give my best shot to put everything right and live in harmony again. I know there is better life to be lived and it has no gambling, anger, devastation and pain in it. Only honesty and happiness.

Need my sleep, will prob b back later.

No gambling for today, it is a waste of money, time and energy which we should share with loved ones and the ones who matter instead.

Peace out - I am passing out lol, but at least on a more positive note in the last 68hrs.

S x

Hi Sandra

Firstly thank you for not giving up on me while i have not been posting but i am back now and to be honest after reading your recent posts, it seems just in the nick of time.

There is a saying that we all have our crosses to bear, this site unites us and we share the same cross, one which is unrelenting and crafted by the devil

himself. Rest well and be in touch soon, we can crush this sadistic curse.

Dark Place

Yo,

Thank you for your post.

I hope you woke rested , try to be gentle with yourself , give yourself the compassion you give out in buckets to so many on this site and I am sure in the real world.

If life is a smidgen better today than yesterday well it a step forward , for me at the moment it's enough .

Hugs Hun

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Hey girl and got side tracked myself making that spark plug run for the lawn mower. Yup had me a full blown cases of them fu-ck me's going on while washing em down with a beer or 2 and yeah. Time to move on.

Oh not sure if midnight did her job or not. LOL guess she'll be get that shrimp regardless. LOL

Oh that casino burn is cooling down and hell got me in like a whole 13 or 14 hours of free time. LOL guess It's independence day here in the state and what better day to freeze them bast-ards out. Yup they may trip me up but they can't hold me down. LOL

Thank you all so much xx

Dear diary!!!

Just back from the run and o*g I feel so much better. So want this peaceful feeling to last at least for today. Nothing is on my mind and it's soo good to get that rest and peace..I am not sure why it takes me so long to stand bk up from f**k ups in my life but I'm happy I do get there eventually.

Yesterday was very tough day..had them only few times in my life. Affected me emotionally and physically. Felt like fish out of sea all night catching that well needed breath, yep I thought heart attack to follow...at 29..hmm not too bad lol

Anyway, that was yesterday and I'm back into the world of living. Writing this now cause not sure how long it's gonna last knowing me lol.. just want to thank you ALL so so much for all the support, kind words, encouragement, understanding and wisdom. I know which path to take, but like all of us I do need a guidance now and again. Thank you all gc team, friends on here and outside forum walls. Thank you god for giving me another shot in life to make things work.

Back and standing tall...day at a time :-)))

S x