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Hi Sandra,

I didn't mean to come across strict, I'm actually very bad at being strict in r/l, and even when I'm trying to tell someone off at work, they still usually end up laughing with me.

As always, I'm so glad I have you fighting this condition with me, and being a victim of gambling addiction doesn't make you, me or anyone else here automatically a bad person.

Ryan x

Hi Sis,

I know from time to time you take time away from this place. If you happen to be reading today, just wanting to say thank you for being there and wanting you to know that I am here too. I'm not what you would call a write- on- the -others -diaries- everyday kind of a gal but, always have one eye on your thread. Hope you are having a good week so far. Talk soon. -joanxxx

Hope you enjoyed making lots of memories with your nephew, one of the most important things in life I think.

Thought of you and your kind offer this weekend as my sister has been helping cut back the weeds that had grown shoulder high in my garden - I even have green weed shaped garden furniture as it has overgrown everything.

Do hope you are ok and as you always tell me dont feel you always have to be cheery on here as it is for all your thoughts so we can maybe help a little when you are feeling not so good.

Put that really badly but just wanted to say here for you anytime.

xxx

Hey all and thank you for your kind words (((All)))

Am ok, and still kicking 🙂 Did notice myself reading less and less on here, am I busier?? Hmm, I suppose just usual lol. Not sure if it's part of recovery...drift away and see how much I can really handle by my own. Not making sense here lol, been eventful week so far. Few freshly opened wounds...but they will heal..just need time.

No gambling and is 3 weeks today since my slip. Do I miss them slots? Yes and no..just usual daily battle for my freedom. Know from experience that it will get better as time pass by.

Stick to it soldiers, we deserve better and we are surely on a right track.

Take care all

I will get bk to you on my days off. Thank you again for your lovely words

S x

Hi S

Thanks for your continuing support

3 weeks is good keep going and stay strong

HIT and MISS let's***t them bloody slots right into oblivion lol

Take care

Suzanne x

Hi Sandra... and am glad your still kicking. One of the kids at school was giving me a good kicking yesterday. Lovely lad lol

Ive drifted away a bit recently but that's because ive just been knackered all the time. I always drift back though cos I know this place works and keeps working. As we all know its easy to drift away and gamble. Good to see you back and posting. Take care and thanks for your support as always... S.A 🙂

Hey all and thank you for your kind words

Dear diary,

So up and running after the last nightshift. Once again pretty tough time on my plate at work but as always it has to be done. Had a high five from factory director this morning so cant moan lol, looks like did pretty good last shift and surprisingly felt like part of the team for once.

For the last couple of months I continuously looking for the changes in my life. Let me tell you, very slow progress and felt defeated more than I actually was. Taking positives out of negatives and keep moving on. Sometimes think to myself, this is it, I did try and I did give my all and nothing is gonna change. I think there is no limit in giving your all. If that makes sense. Feeling defeated brings another strength to carry on..if I keep my determination going I know I will get where I want to be eventually. Twenty misses can bring one shot on target when you least expect it..blahhh..lol, rambling here but feel like want to today lol

So diary, - Gambling. Hmmmm, ...foooookeeerrrrr lol. Still staying close by as I move on and esp on not too good days I feel like I can jump to the first opportunity arising to gamble. Am getting mad with myself cause think "where is your f****n fighting spirit girl?!" Feel like used to navigate from my urges easier last year. Yep, want to gamble - go for a run, clean the house, call a friend, watch tv, ......Now..I feel like I could jump straight into it if I had a chance. ..or am I just thinking that? I got rid of my tablet which costed me two recent relapses, I still hav my phone with no blocks on and a "casino hell" half an hour away...but I know that is not a way forward even if it looks the best option at the times..hell I hate this addiction and just want it to leave me alone..enough said on this topic - gambling you can go to hell cause I'm keeping my hard earned cash to myself.

Have holiday coming and 3 weeks away from flying high and touching down in my homeland. Do look forward to it. Will b honest, very mixed emotions about it, but miss my parents so much it outweighs negativity this journey might cause emotionally. And just maybe.... final dot can be put down to close my past.

Anyway, very booooring post today lol.

But I am here to recover and keep this demon at bay. No gambling today..one day at a time

Let keep fighting the good fight!!!

S x

Hi Sandra,

I love the point you make about being resilient and persisting It really does pay off eventually. I firmly believe that. Most things can be achieved with persistent effort, patience, and hard work. Imagine if we had all decided that we were never going to be able to walk or talk, and gave up at the first hurdle! Babies just keep trying until they get there, and the feeling of accomplishment when they do, is written all over their little faces. It's the same for us adults, but somewhere along the way we learned to doubt ourselves, compare ourselves to others, and feel inadequate.

If you're anything like me, you will find that the strength of your resolve will wax and wane too over time. Don't panic if you are finding it harder to resist urges than you did a year ago or whatever - it will fluctuate with no rhyme or reason to it. Don't compete with yourself even. The you who was fighting this a year ago, had many different circumstances influencing her recovery at the time, as you will have a different perspective today. You are still just as capable of doing this successfully, but you will feel more and less aware of this at different times.

Not sure if that really made much sense outside of my head, but nevermind! Just try not to compare yourself to who you were in the past. We are constantly changing, and there are always good reasons why we feel more or less confident, at any given time.

You sound like you need a holiday and break from it all! Hope you enjoy your travels, and keep believing in yourself!

Take care,

f x

Reading your words Sandra makes me realise the same as yourself and countless others on here...once a gambler always a gambler, thats why we need to keep that in our overactive brains and not give in to that inner voice saying one won't hurt.....cos Yes It will hurt, more than any non gambler will ever know.

Keep fighting the demons hun.......as will I

Sue xx

Hi S

It's tough all of it but as the saying goes when the Going gets tough the tough get going and you are tough

We know gambling is not the answer and it will only make us feel worse

I love that you are turning negatives into positives I am working on that one tonight

Don't forget our feelings and moods change daily so tomorrow is another day for us and let's hope it's BLOODY POSITIVE

Onwards and upwards we go kicking those nasty thoughts into oblivion cos we DONT MISS gambling really it's all in the mind

How the hell can we miss something that has already destroyed our well being and peace of mind

Take care

Suzanne xx

freda said it all , and freda it did make sense lol, but sandra well done and stay strong , and enjoy ur holls all the best simon

Hi S

Thanks for your ongoing support and faith in me

I have faith in you too because what ever real life hits us with we will not succumb to gambling and make our lives even worse we slip and stumble through but we will get there in the end because it's the only way to go

Wishing you a good evening (gambling free ofcourse)

Suzanne xx

Hey and thank you all

Dear diary,

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

feeling good and just want to note it.

yep, thank you sis, you gave me such a huge boost with your post I will b thankful forever.

Day....24 if I'm right...and only few words to this addiction : You had my soul, money, trust, happiness, belief, honesty, life... - all of this is MINE and im gonna keep it for a good time coming and just maybe forever. So yea, middle finger up at you f*****g evil addiction. Today you have lost and I will make sure it will stay the same way tomorrow.

Pheeweww..that felt good

later diary

S x

Day 25 😉

Let's do it!!!

(((((((((((Sis))))))))))) -joanxxx