...

Hi Sandra,

You know exactly what you have to do, get back on that gamble free horse and ride it right over the bookies until they're trampled under the hooves. Probably best not to take that literally though.

Get those guards up, dust yourself off and get back to doing what you were doing before this slip.

As for finding the answer, like Duncan said I don't think its the same for everyone.

Thinking of you, don't get up and try and chase those losses, that will only make things worse.

Ryan x

Hi Sis,

I am over here crawling through the mud and feel as if I have peanut butter pushing through veins instead of blood. Why am I writing on your thread? I am writing because you have the heart of a warrior. I am here and with whatever ounce of energy I have left I am reaching out with both hands. One to you, and the other holding up our colors. What do our colors say? They say, f*** gambling! Two fingers up to the mother f****r!! And, yes, no doubt this latest rant of mine, will get big brother's undies in a bunch. ha ha.. We need something sis, but it aint gambling. Hold on and we can both push through together. -joanxxx

Thank you all

I don't wonna post on my tread...simple reaction of Dissapointment and anger with myself. I laughed a lot today, i refused to beat myself up. First time in ages i tried to be kind to me (Shiny i think you finally hammered this in my head lol)..my moods were changing up and down but my cool is being kept at balance.

I wonna chase today...well...i say chase lol..i only lost 20 quid but demon is very much alive today...as i said on Duncs post, i hate this addiction but it's better me than any other innocent soul getting dragged into it...i can take it and i will.

Don't believe or trust myself. Tough mindset where you let ur arms down and no defensive movement needs to be done. Giving up or what? The thing is my soul screams out to never give up...not for this nasty habit...i am not perfect and never be (thank god lol)...but i just want to be right on some decisions i make...just don't wonna keep letting myself down, it's not fun, it comes back like tonne of bricks which you cannot avoid. It hurts..why i like to hurt myself? Why why why...awe well..it is what it is, sometimes it's best not t ask questions in a quest of finding answers.

Thank you all so much ..on here and behind the scenes...would like to hug you all and thank for this amazing gift i received last year - finding each and every one of you.

Fighting all the way...hurt but not beaten

(((((((((ALL)))))))))))

S x

Ps. Please please stay safe all, you are worth more in life...hell of a lot more, there is no place for such destroying feelings. Keep smiling, that's the only way t go...

Hi wee pal,

Keeping a beady eye on you 🙂

Take care

Irene

xx

Thanx Irene, good to catch up u little sneaky gal

Well, short and sweet, dear soul wrote to me which made sense "get old sandra to stand up and beat the s**t out of bad boys" ...yep girl...time to fight my a**e off to beat it once and for all!!!!! No more b*****ks aloud in my life

Stay safe all :-).

S x

Morning Sandra

Fantastic your in a much better place and credit to you for not been hard on yourself you have earned that right with the effort you have put in your recovery

Making the journey is what counts and your making it be proud and stay strong

Castle2

Hi Sandra,

As you have always done get back on the bike and keep trying dont let the devil take your soul we can beat this together you have the power never give up giving up I have learnt that x

Take care

The bear x

Hello diary, my friends and the whole wide world

Woke up this morning and looked in a mirror (didn't *** for a change lol). Asked myself what I'm gonna do today and am i ready to battle through emotional roller coaster. No answer was needed - smile said it all.

So I'm thinking what not to like about myself and my life? I am healthy, reasonably young lol, have roof over my head, friends, family (even if not my own yet..) I've got a job with plenty of opportunities to climb up the ladder (i think im as good as next "Joe" in my place), recently got big pay rise (not if I'm not worth it lol), i have no debts, i don't own anyone and am not on a wanted list by police..

All seems in place, there is just that little piece missing where i need to like myself more and get out there to enjoy my life. This is not easy for me and i think awe no, I'm not gonna like all that socialising and so on, but how do i know? I liked it before lol..it was only wrong crowds I've got myself into. I know there is life to be lived and i know i can find may way in this world.

Rambling on lol..went for a run today and oh god I'm not as fit as i was a month ago lol..d**n, i do need to address my fitness and get back on exercising route...anyway, it was lovely and refreshing to run in a rain...didn't even realise that autumn already here and leaves scattered on the path already left trees exposed and plain...

On a last note - no gambling today, i made a promise 🙂

My soul is mine and no bookies gonna get it.

Have a good day all

Day at a time

Sandra x

http://youtu.be/Mo4cmTaEDIk

Hi S,

Love your music, and love your turnaround.

Suzanne xx

Hi Sandra

My son is 24 and in hos fourth year of gambling. A very clever lad who had every opportunity ahead of him, yet he has blown it so many times becauseof his gambling addiction. I was looking for something positive on this forum and I came accross your feedback. It gives me hope, and I loved the bit about your road to freedom and the bit where you say "Every day i have a choice, and it's down to me to decide what i want from my future.

A day further from self destruction - a day closer to brighter tomorrow." I send all my love and energy to encourage you to stay strong and beat those slave keepers like *********** and the like. Keep going beautiful girl, make yours a success that other gamblers will take hope from, I have. XXX

Hi S

Just popping into send you continuing positive thoughts,

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xx

Hey missus,

Great level of self-awareness coming through in that post. Yep we are all trying to escape. We are programmed to. Hypnotised to. Think of adverts on the tv - everything is offered as an escape. Yogurts eaten by beautiful tanned women in exotic places, make you want a piece of that life. Eating yogurt will not make you more beautiful, tanned or transport you to an exotic idyllic location - but they made you buy the yogurt didn't they?

They even create threats to us that aren't even there. Cartoon depictions of monsters lurking in our homes, making us unsafe. They tell us we can escape this threat by buying their brand of bleach or whatever, the monsters are just bacteria, nothing more. They can't really hurt us. But they create a feeling of discomfort in us by depicting them as ugly, malevolent monsters. A discomfort that we will want to escape.

I very rarely watch tv - I don't want to be manipulated and my mind controlled when I am in my own home thank you very much.

It's not just adverts either - the news is negatively geared to create fear in us and keep us afraid. Does the news sometimes make you feel angry too? Very deliberate. Anger is rooted in fear too.

You are spot on Sandra when you say that all of these addictions or obsessions are just another expression of the same thing that makes you want to gamble. When we are afraid, angry, feeling powerless - addictions are comforting in a way. They create an illusion of control. Once you are addicted to something, you start to feel uneasy in it's absence. To crave it. Once you have your "fix" you feel less uneasy. It becomes a way of self-soothing. Sometimes the feelings of unease are nothing to do with craving our vice. Sometimes they are emotional reactions to life, which can be identified and released, therefore unable to hurt us anymore - but we addicted folk know a quicker more convenient way of dealing with it right?

So whenever we have an addiction, we think we are in control of our discomfort. We aren't though. Far from it - we are running away from it.

Self-awareness is a massive step toward taking back that control and power for ourselves.

Take care,

f x

Hi Sandra,

Not only are we fighting this disease side by side, but I guess we rode the escapism train together earlier on in life too. As much as I don't look like it now, I had a period when I started to lose weight when I was 17-18, and lost a lot of weight, but I couldn't do it in a balanced way, only in an obsessive unhealthy way, exercising 4-5 hours a day, reducing my calorie intake to just a few hundred calories a day, and doing everything to try and remove every pound I could. Drink, drugs, everything done to excess.

I think balance is key in everything, the same as with sleep and insomnia too. You haven't stopped learning from your mistakes though, you've still come back here and still trying to beat this addiction. If you had stopped learning, you'd still be watching those reels rolling to another loss.

You will get through the other end Sandra, you may not think so now, but you will beat this.

Ryan x

Hi S

Feel the the same today, about days off, I think it took a backward step on my Mondays, and zoomed in today,

Trying to catch me off guard, cos I never get Saturdays

off.

This addiction is S***e, whether day 1 or 1000, are we ever gonna get peace of mind.

You know I believe in positives even when the odds are against me, all we can do do is our very best stay strong, and the utter madness of having gambled will wilt away, cos it's not the gambling now, it's the destruction it has already done to us, if that makes sense.

It's a tough old road but am along side of you with the good and bad days, let's keep going and not let what it has done to us, destroy us anymore.

I think it's not the gambling now, as I know I would not blow all my money away, it's fighting the destruction it has done to us inside, But we can get our lives back together, it takes time, we have to be patient, I know that is not easy, cos my patience is running out, with this f*****g addiction, sorry to ramble on your diary and sound negative, proud to be walking along side with you today, you have some guts lovely lady.

Suzanne xx