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Hi Sandra

Option 2 is the winner ! the 1st is the loser we are all familiar with, walking in shame !

Sorry not been on for a while, hope your keeping goooood and keep strong sweetheart ! we all have soul searching, sometimes the questions come from the answers.

Take care, Dark Place

Thank you Suzanne and DP...wish you both all the strength and peace going forward.
Dear diary. ..well, just one of them days lol..even tho been surrounded with a lot of people at work, felt so lonely...guess just being home sick... as they say love never dies and i just so want to be there with my mum....even if she never wanted me to be there, the bond is here. Listened to the Eminems song on a way back....hell...telling me my emotions are overriding recently. ..i just find it hard and scary to tackle all this by myself, but have to do it...somehow my 2nd option will become a reality one day....love you mum..i guess we are what we are..you are always in my heart...on a positive note, no gambling to report. ..to tell you the true i don't even think of it...but i do think of all my friends on here which seemed to drift away in time.. .send you all my best wishes and love. Stay safe whatever you do. Sandra x

Hi Sandra

Finally worked out my username and password which was completely different to what I previously had !

I can feel your frustrations with life at this moment in time with so many questions and not many answers , but as always you know what to do best and that is keep fighting and wanting that better life , it will come and you deserve it so much

Will be with you every step of the way

Take care and look after yourself

Castle2

Hi Sandra... just wanted to thank you for dropping in. I have read your recent thoughts. Thought provoking for sure. As it turns out ive been messing about with recovery for years now and I have now become that worn out, lonely, depressed person devoid of self-esteem and self-confidence that you descibed (as a possible future) in one of your posts, except am not 35 but 42. I have a roof over my head for now, but for how much longer am not so sure. My mother always said to me that if you gamble until you are hungry and homeless she would be very sad but she added that "it would have been your choice" and you would have to live with it. Its scary when you hear these words from your own mother. Its even scarier when these words came 10 years ago and yet i have still continue to dance with the devil. Time to take recovery seriously. For me it really does feel like a question of life and well not life.

Well done on not gambling and making efforts to deal with your emotional health. Thanks again... S.A

Thank you guys 🙂 good morning diary..well, what can i say..2hrs nap after 37hrs race at work and have to get bk on my feet for the day..lol...feel like in a space already and hell they on about putting me on wild animal tranquilisers!!!! lol.. (that's how i call tablets and me just in unpredictable moods)..i somehow will think about it twice..but maybe ground is safer place than floating on a cloud nine lol 🙂 to be honest am knackered but sometimes we have no choice but to join race of life you like it or not. Have a choice to make today and so far so good..choosing life. Take care all S xx

Hi S,

Keep making that right choice, and sending you a big hug because I know it's hard for you at this time in your continuing recovery,

We are all one day at a time in our recovery, and you are doing amazing by not giving up on recovery, your journey is very inspirational to us all, simply because you will never give up giving up, and you have come so far on this rollercoaster journey,

Really proud to be walking along side with you

Suzanne xx

Thanks S,

A few weeks ago I wanted to wake up and not think about gambling ng in any form, which obviously included this site, I wanted to wake up and not have any thoughts whatsoever, and that included coming in here, but I had a very wise post from Guess who (duncs) of course, to give up on here would be to give up on recovery, and in the real light of the day, recovery is the best we will get, DO NOT SEND AN EMAIl , do not delete your hard work, we are in recovery blips, slips whatever, but I do realise now that we cannot do this totally on our own, we need somewhere to vent all our issues, good or bad, and what better place to do it than here,

It's the only place where like minded folk understand this horrible addiction., will we ever be free of it, don't have the answer, none of us have, but by never giving up on giving up we are doing something very positive.

I had so many slips/blips/and then the total landslide before I came on here, this place has been my saviour, to this day, you were one of the first on here to support me, you will always be an inspiration to me, whether you are up or down, I will-always be walking along side of you, along with a lot of others on here, as I said you have come so far, and helped so many lost souls,

United we all stand and United if one falls,

Thanks for always being there

Suzanne xx

Hi Sandra,

So sorry to read about the troubles you've had recently, I've not been able to get on properly and read the diaries without giving myself ridiculous eyestrain. Finally figured out another way.

I liked your post from Saturday about picking out which version of yourself you would like to claim for the future, I'm with everyone else as I know you can be option 2! Don't worry about the wrinkles, they're just lines of experience. As for a family...I'll leave that one to you as I think I'd prefer the dog! 😉

Well done for not letting those doubts stop you from going to see the counsellor. Part of the compulsive gambler's personality is to hide things and conceal them as secrets, but that won't really help you deal with the issues. Crying is not necessarily a bad thing, it releases a lot of the things that build up inside.

Hope you find that peace that you mentioned in option 2, and also some sleep!

Ryan x

Hey good morning all and thank you :-). Diary, another early start and quite busy day lined up.....shopping frenzy!! Lol..ohhhh looking forward to spend money on something i will get joy out from. Buying prezzies is always fun lol. No freaking gambling. .NO NO NO. Take care all and hav a good day! 🙂 S x

Morning S,

Enjoy your your shopping spree,

Suzanne xx

Hi Sis,

I had the hardest time figuring out how to log onto this site! I was thinking of you and duncs, and dragonfly and wanting to kick myself for not exchanging email addresses. I really stink at social media like facebook etc. so was worried that I would not respond to email. Anyway, thanks to the forum admin I was able to figure it out. So, I am here to say thankyou for reaching out to me when I was at my lowest. I never have to worry about saying the wrong thing. I hope you know that you too will always have my unconditional support and if the offer still stands to exchange email addresses... I'm in. No pressure of course! -joanxxx

Sandra

I have joans email address and will forward it to you if you like,just let me know.

Glad to see that hard earned is going to a worthy cause today!! YOU and yours.

Be kind to yourself my dear friend.

Oh and if you posted a picture of yourself,nobody would believe it were you!!!

I am sure my own will keep a few flies out of folks toilets!!!! lol

Speak soon

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hey guys! 🙂
I do love your hair Duncs (sorry but it rises a smile every time i see it lol..awesome indeed 😉 ). And dear Sis - YES YES YES offer will always stand here and our friend Duncs will sort it out by the sounds of it so i shall talk to you soon 🙂 ..for some reason server don't let me to get on ur diary sis, hope issues will get sorted soon...sooo....diary...hell, ok. Let me tell you something, went to see counsellor and then doctor yesterday. Told doc my issues and that my counsellor has a concerns about my mental wellbeing and suggesting to go on tablets...so got prescription and took one yesterday. ..YOU f****r!!!! lol lol..hell it started with one hour sleep and mind going crazy from one thing to the other (not fun at all cause couldn't relax and sleep)..then woke up felt as high as kite but with panic waves surfing through the body. So sort of up and down, feeling sick one minute and calm the next..time to head for Sheffield and panic sets in lol..let me tell ya, smooth ride but all day i sort of dragged my feet in a shopping centre, went up to space, back to the ground, felt like mind is racing 100mph and stopping to 0 in 2secs lol, had a good laugh and consumed 6 bottles of water lol lol..that's in 7 freaky hours!!!..i guess my friends found it very amusing what was up with me lol..but hell, hand on heart i will not take another one lol..firstly i need some sleep tonight and secondly they are way too strong for me and affects me physically. .yuk!! Lol..not for me so best go bk to see doc this week.it is called "sertraline" 50mg and just wanted to share this experience. Hell, glad I'm "coming down" and feeling myself again... so, had a interesting day i have to say, money well spend and come back with a lot of goodies (not if i fully remember what i bought lol)..but all is good.No gambling and just peaceful evening catching up with X factor :-)..here you go...Sandra is fun then out of it lol . onwards and upwards, bless you all and stay safe xxx

Hi diary..well what can i say, 14hrs good sleep and feeling really good!! Putting yesterday's experience behind and thinking now maybe it is only me and my body rejects chemicals in the system. All i know it wasn't right and i don't wonna go through it again. So, thanx to Duncs i reached my sis over the pond in a space of an hour lol and still can't believe it!!! Lol..it's like little miracle which i will hold close to my heart going forward. This site is amazing and i don't know what i would do without it. I do get a feeling sometimes to juat drop everything and leave it, but my heart strongly protests lol and brings me back here every day. Maybe that's what i need...maybe i want to get that feeling of pride and achievement i had until dreaded July.....i will get there again, i am in control and truly want to better my life..still very raw and painful situation with my friend. Do miss the chats and catching up but it is what it is...i guess it meant to be this way. Right, rambling on but hey!! Better to ramble than to gamble! None of that ugly habit today - onwards i go and choose life. Take care and stay safe all. Sandra x

Morning Sandra

A not so good day followed by a good day as we both know that could be much worse ! Some more outside support with Joan will only strengthen your recovery , agree with Dunc on your pic would give everyone a surprise and in a good way lol , your heart is the most important so kind and caring many qualities I have found over the years , proud to be on this journey with you

Castle2