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What a wonderful post you crazy crazy gal 🙂 I'm so proud to call you my friend 🙂

Great choices made today Sesuo 🙂 (Just look @ all those smiley faces!!!) Keep making them ODAAT - Juuuuuune

Sting does Bangra!! Forgot that one. Good stuff S x

Lovely post S,

Have a lovely day with little D,

Your strength and determination is shining through HDs

Sxxxxx

5 miles!! Nice run.

thanks for welcoming me to the challenge Sandra.

Tri

Hi Sandra,

Gee.... Ive just thought, I haven't been for a run in what seems like ages. Gambling came back and running stopped.

I will listen to your tunes.

Keep up the good work... S.A 🙂

Good morning and thank you all for your lovely words ☺

Had a good day yesterday and proper catch up with little guy. God..he is such a lovely boy. No ice was dented (well it was but not from us lol...prob haven't been cleaned since our Juune made a step on it :-D). He is flying out to see his Nan and granddad tomorrow and I'm sure they will have a great time!

Hmmm..addiction. Not sure how i feel about it but deffo no urges. Wondering if the challenge became my higher power cause i think of gambling with disgust now. Not exactly disgust but waste of time. But again, i know it can change at any time if too heavy s*** storms come landing on me.
Very very painful to see fellow friends fall..brings back still fresh memories of devastation and loosing hope...worse to it I'm powerless to help..it affects me physically as well as mentally. At the end of the day this is horrible addiction and I've been back in the gutter more times than i can count on fingers and all i can say - i know how it feels...but i also know that it takes some determination, strength and kindness to yourself to grab that shuvel and start digging yourself out...it is never too late, but only us can ride through those storms and let fog lift..it does...

So on a more positive note, i guess it's time to catch up with Sesuo! Putting two crazy gals together brings danger to the world lol (in a good way) but hey ho, a bit of craziness never hurts and just admit it - we all got those kids inside us 😉

No gambling, not today anyway. One day at a time

Have a good and peaceful Sunday all!

S x

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your post the other day.

Keep strong hun

Ade x

Great to see you doing well S. Higher power the challenge, exactly ;). Your getting there.

Dan x

Hey thanks Ade and Dan! Most appreciated ☺

So diary..last day off and of course insomnia kicking in ready for the next few nights ahead. Good stuff cause those are the last two nights i have control of the shift lol...nahhh...don't like it, i know my limits and last 2 weeks were well over it for sure.
I shall stick with bein s**t on rather than s*****g on others..here we go. Said it lol.

Had a good day yesterday and one of those "normal" days in society! Went to watch movie and for the ones who says Disney is for kids i strongly disagree! The film i watched teached me more about myself than i could think of! ..i have always mentioned few "Sandras" lol and whola!!! I found them all in a space of an hour and a half lol

I can't say i found my way yet but what I'm sure about i am moving to the right direction..less and less i think about the past, i put present in perspective..things will never be the way i want, hell...those are just dreams and "expectations". I guess i talk about my Mum..Dad...people i care.
I am trying to live in harmony with myself and i think finally i get it...i cannot change others, i cannot change my past...and hell...i truly can be nice if i want to...towards myself and others around me.
Junniee mentioned subject about food...and it just now (why now?) It downed on me that i was quite independent of myself from an early age..i simply am ..maybe that's why i don't eat enough lol..as we all know, healthy body healthy mind..sometimes that's all it takes to get your mind in sync .simple as...rest, eat, excercise (not too much), work - repeat..

Time to look after no 1...nobody else will huh ☺
Let's do it soldiers! Let's take life by its horns!

Thanks my friend for sparing your time to catch up on recovery and life itself 🙂

OAU - one day at a time!

S x

Thanks for popping by S,

It's lovely to read another very positive post from you,

You are doing it girl, it sure is turning out nice again, HDs,

Sxxxxxx

Good morning/ afternoon/ evening diary!

Lol..hmmm...i suppose i best put an entry even if don't really want to write recently but as my lovely friend Dan suggested - honesty is the best policy! 😉
So not gonna lie, was struggling last few days. Mainly work issues and all that responsibility...then to come bk home and try to sleep....do'h..unsuccessfully..and even if i did..i entered bad place in dream land every time i shut my eyes :-(....still...i am standing and no gambling to report! That's a good start i suppose 🙂
So decided to skip sleep today and wait till eve to have an early night and hopefully no nightmares.
to keep myself active and awake i decided to go for a run..and d**n what a run that was! Lol..i couldn't stop :-0..( you would think i have a compulsive personality lol)..so "rode" through the door on my return from fresh outside (two steps forward, one back...no kidding..ppl would think i was drunk or something) and my mate looks at me with weird look saying " go to bed silly..u gonna mk urself sick"..maybe these are right words..i see stars in my eyes lol and cannot feel my legs! Sort of "nice" feeling cause don't feel anything lol..even anger has gone and weird peace "like being out in a space" surrounding me.. i most definitely sound like drunk lol..i am not i swear to god! That's what 2 nightshifts followed with 14miles run does to you :-)..god my feet are like suspension haha..at least i took the right timing this time - 2hrs 15min...

So all is ok after all...no gambling..Sandra high as kite (from healthy excercise) and saying goodnight to this lovely sunshine because a lot to do today ..but i do need at least couple of hours shut eye before that.
Life is good at this moment! Wasn't thinking the same at 6am this morning lol but hey ..welcome to coo coo's world 🙂

Night all..enjoy ur day and stay safe!

S x

Ps...still here 🙂

Anyone who just wants to raise a smile today - check this out :-))))

(Awesome gathering me thinks 😉 )

https://youtu.be/qQBjT_SeYU4

Good distance... well done young lady! 🙂

So that means that you probably did the half-marathon distance (13.1 miles) in about 2 hours 5 mins.

I suggest you now run a half-marathon race, cos with just a tiny little extra P**f you can do 1 hour 59 mins and a few secs!

Enjoy your exercise high... it feels good doesn't it... 🙂

Can distressing thoughts overrule the logical thinking?
Oh yes!!!.. so here i am, coming back from something i can ot explain fully..but for once not even gonna try and dig deeper..f**k me, i went through my 30 years of existence in the last 5 days...bit by bit, step by step just so i can find the energy to carry on..in my head these steps are necessary and even if i didn't come to conclusion this time, i have learned more than i could ask for...about myself, my actions..
I wasn't "here" 100% and yes..work suffered with the lack of "me" cause they need my brain which were overloaded with some "important stuff"..yes, for me it was important cause i needed to put few pieces of puzzle together. I guess, so i can make sense of it all.
I ran the challenge on the autopilot this week which i feel ashamed about and sorry dear friends for not putting too much input in it...i am definitely proud of each and every one of you..hell...you are my stars and i love to see you all marching on and looking ahead.

I guess i just needed to wrap myself in safety blanked after i took the beating with my own hand..and i think i did it! I think i managed to learn to breathe and be kinder to myself recently. I need kindness sometimes and i can have it if i allow myself that..no running away, no comfortable place to get anger out and come bk crying that i slipped..no..i didn't need all of that, i took it all head on and now I'm nurturing myself once again.

Thank you Juuniiee for listening..i suppose you felt few whacks yourself through this screen, yesterday and thank you for understanding and not judging 20 Sandras with their own moods lok..
Thank you Shiny for once again "sensing" something is up and as always, chewing that cud together..we are good with that i guess :-)..we are getting there.
To be honest I think most of us in here are councillors! Seriously, i never feel so smooth transition with thoughs when i need to get them out! No judgement..no stick out..just pure acceptance of the human being.
And Soulie..d**n girl..thank you for staying close by each day and even if i only wrote only one word back (wasn't with it) i felt your presence...☺..be scared now and run for hills lol..i have some telephatic powers lol lol

Just thank you all for being here and helping me to climb back to life..that's how i put it cause that's how it feels.

No gambling...no no no no..time to look after Sandra..the person who deserves life as every single one of us!!! and if i could i would wrap my arms around myself now so i feel safe again..hold on a min - i can 🙂

Thanks for listening! I am finding peace with myself once again

Sandra x

It was so good I said it twice...I told you this broadband was doing my head in!