...

Hi S,

It's good to see you back in positive mode:)

Thanks for your message

OAU

Sxxxxx

Hi Sandra
Just want to say in black and white that you are an exceptionally kind lady, your kindness and caring is enormous and you need to be kind to yourself
Take care
Cheryl xxx

Ohhh come across another legendary song on my run - tell ya what diary - awesome source of energy for me ☺

https://youtu.be/kXYiU_JCYtU

NGTR (sozz for pinching it Dan) and HND all

S x

Hi Sandra, x

Thank you so much for your kind supportive post on my diary.

No pacemaker for me luckily, but thanks for taking the time to post the info for me.

I did have one fitted (post-surgery) just to monitor my heart while I was in here for the first 5 days, I had to carry it around in a little shoulder bag and it was attached to Two fine wires that went through my stomach and were attached to the atria of the heart.

I tell you, when they remove the fine wires, you have to breathe deeply in and out and they slowly pull them out of your body!! Doesn't hurt, but it sure was a weird sensation having a nurse pull a wire out through your stomach, when you know the other end is attached to your heart!!!

My operations were a mitral valve repair, and a Complex Cox MAZE procedure. Time for you to Google me thinks!!! ;0)

Keep strong hun

Ade xxxx

Hi Sandra,

Kinda liking my new nickname...Mrs. Galaxy eh? Sounds like an old woman version of Miss Universe 🙂 Thanks for your kind words to me the other day. Especially as you were having such a bad time yourself. You're right, I did join about the same time as you, but I never posted anything. I was at the "really need to do something about this but not really committed to it" stage back then. If I'd started a diary then, it would have been full of me stopping, relapsing, stopping and relapsing. I think I wanted to stop losing rather than stop gambling. Anyway, not any more. Feel determined to beat this once and for all, and get on with my life. Having you, and all the other slightly coo coo, wonderful people on here really helps.

Hope you're ok.

LifeBegins x

Hi Angel!

Yep, that's the the video clip I was thinking about Sandra.

I have to say that you really do have the most magnificent air bags!! ;0p !!!!!

Nighty night

Ade xx

Happy 50th Sandra
Cheryl xxxx
So proud to walk alongside you :0)

Look at you 50 already lol,

Proud of you S, your hard work is paying off, because you have won every day for 50 days.

Keep on going OAU to a better and saner life, it sure is worth it HD

Blondieeeexxxxxx

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your recent supportive posts on my diary. Interesting 'Money Supermarket' advert, i have to say. I had know idea I looked like Sharon Osborne?!....

Keep putting those days together....WOW.....Well done on your half-century!!....whoop whoop!!....50 days!!

Very proud of you for sticking to it and getting a great foundation for your own recovery.

Now go kick on and reach that magical target. You know the one?.....the biggy!! ......that's right............Day 51!!!!!! ;0)

That's all you gotta do girl.......One day at a time.....the rest looks after itself....

Keep strong

Ade xxxxxx

Thanks S for your message.

Life is what we make it, and staying with recovery does open up soo many new doors, and you sure are opening a few new ones now for you HD

Keep goingggg and keep strongggg.

Blondieeexxxx

Dear diary,

Just a little rant on the way. Feel out of touch today having spent all day in coma and in bed. Got my run in at least and now just sat with tears in my eyes.

I had to fill a medical questionnaire for my possible volunteering. Actually, something i was too scared to go for for the last 16-17 yrs due to the past.. that was something massive to overcome. Stages seem to pass one after another...all successful. Now i am at a brick wall..hanging on the thin line which can go either way. I know my medical will be checked and i had to be honest...- Depression...hmmm..depression can actually stop me from my dream..and why I've got depression? How i got to this stage of my life? Well my dear diary, looking back...not very bright picture of my road so far, b*****d events in my childhood, addictions one after another which followed my "soothing" stages..Painful counselling which brought all last 30 b*****d years bk to the surface..having to go on tablets...deciding to come off...getting head messed up even more...being f****d over at work which led to emotional breakdown...friendships failing, personal life, blah blah......only now...when i feel i can just about stand on my two feet - I'm at the wall again..one decision which will change my life in a positive way or negative...my painful past bringing me here and now to face my demons and embrace the unknown are standing in the way of present.
Simply don't know if another knockdown will b something i can handle...scared, crushed, worried of unknown.

Good timing to f**k off to the corner of the world to have a quiet time with my thoughts...saying that all my life is circling around my thoughts..but that's just me.

Anyway, if this dream crashes ..... i know i will just have to heal my broken wings and....and just move forward.
Easier said than done, and esp while I'm in so so mindset..hate to think what will hit if i get my mind in one of the f****d up places.

Sorry for swearing if you reading...i am damaged and sensitive to it all at the minute..i am scared and I'm not ashamed to admit.

No gambling at this minute. Tommorow is another day to forget today existed.

S x

Hey Golfball,

((((((((((Sandra)))))))))) feel the love hun, and wipe away those tears.....'Uncle Ade' is here to try to attempt to help you at least!!

Just read your last post and wanted to come by with some comfort for you. It is indeed a catch 22 situation isn't it. Form filling can be so vital at times. Try not to think of it as a brick wall. That won't do you any good whatso ever. It's more like standing at a fork in the road with 2 options. Two routes.

One takes you to your destination and gets you where you want to be, the other just goes round in a circle and drops you back where you started.

My dear old Dad (RIP) used to say to me in his deep Irish brogue....."Ade, honesty is the best policy"..... it was great advice for me and taught me some great values as I grew up on a council estate in the 1970's and 80's. Sometimes however, there were times when his logical advise would be very hard to adhere to. And I would slip off that pedestal with a bump as me and my friends got up to no good on our estate. But as I got older, his words have always stayed with me. And apart from a 7 year stint as a problem gambler, who lied through his teeth at times. In general life, with my friends and family, I am honest to a tee. I will help anybody out of a sticky situation, and/or always be there for my nearest and dearest.

I think you just have to go with honesty here hun. Attach a sheet with information that tells these people what a great place you are in at the moment and how you have thought that adversity and benefitted from life, enough to have the strength to be able to put something back and volunteer for their great organisation. Add a bit about how life can be a rocky road, and how your general life experiences may benefit people that you come across in this new volunteering position. How it will help your self-esteem too. Say it from the heart Sandra, at least you will have given it your best shot. As opposed to just ticking a box saying I had Depression between whatever dates.

Make them realise that you are on a journey, and this will benefit both parties so much. They will get a lovely beautiful kind person among their ranks of volunteers. And you will get a great boost to your self-esteem and self-worth, while improving your interaction and volunteering skills by helping others.

......"only now...when i feel i can just about stand on my two feet - I'm at the wall again"

Your quote hun, read it back to yourself. You are back on your own two feet (with 50+ days of recovery under your belt). But I would strongly guide you to changing those last 4 words (at the wall again) to the following 3 words - at a crossroads.

Try and park the past (albeit temporarily), as hard as it may seem at present and keep your focus to enable you to hand in the best possible application you can, with the added honesty sheet.

Just keep strong hun.

I'm here rooting for you all the way. I need to support you just as you have always supported me. Get out from your metaphorical corner, don't go hiding on me now!!!! And mark my words....you will get this volunteering position Sandra. You WILL!!!!

Keep strong

All the best

Uncle Ade :0)

PS: Swear away girl, but make it something positive, like " I'm gonna get this f*****g voluteering position, and then I'll f*****g show them who I am!!!!

f**k f**k f*****g f**k 🙂

Time to start practising what you preach young lady...Live for the todays! Catastrophizing never helped anyone so enough already! Look how far you have come, look to the positives & if & when you reach the crossroads, you will figure out what to do next!

Now get your r*e off to the outer Hebredies or wherever it is that you don't believe you will have signal for 2 days (do remember that contrary to popular belief, they do have electricity in Wales now) & enjoy the last 2 days of Summer (or else) 🙂

If you don't do anything you won't do anything :))))

Get yourself off to sunny Wales and enjoy yourself, change of scenery is as good as a rest lol:)))

Don't put blocks on something negative that you are summising on, fill the forms in and think positive about it,

Go girl gooooo

Sxxxxxxxxx

• An employer must not treat a disabled person less favourably than another employee because of disability.
• It is wrong for your employer to treat you badly because they think that you have a disability
• It is wrong to treat you unfavourably where this is linked to disability.
• Employers must make reasonable adjustments to work practices, and provide other aids and adaptations, for disabled employees.
• The law covers you during recruitment, employment and if you are being dismissed for any reason, including redundancy
• Employers are not allowed to use 'pre-employment questionnaires' to ask about your health before you are offered a job

Have e mailed you some further stuff about discrimination re depression etc but use CAB if you need support or lots of other support sites linked to mental wellbeing as in this day and age should not be used as a block to working.

Much love and luck with this as always

xxx