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Oh, S (((((SJB)))))

Those certainly are huge things to try and cover in just a few sessions. Hope you do find a counsellor you can go deeper with.

What a strong woman you are! Do you think you find it hard to trust people in general, since a young age? I wonder if this is linked to isolating yourself at times. I know that's why I isolate. It's safer for me. Well, that's what my mind thinks.

I was also filled with joy to see so many happy dogs in the snow, recently. I never realised how much dogs love it! I thought they would hate it because of the cold and wet feeling.

Keep posting, and be gentle with yourself while you are sick.

f x

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Oh SJB I’m here if you want to talk I completely understand where your coming from. Is it bad anxiety? Sending you all my best wishes Hun take good care of yourself X

Going to read your diary properly Hun and hopefully I can support you too X

So much pain and anguish between every line SJB.
Yes, we all have choices but we don't always have the maturity, knowledge, experience and understanding to realise whether the 'choices' we are making are the right ones.
I'm sorry, I maybe should not comment because I have no expertise in this area but what I'm trying to say is please take care of yourself. Stop beating yourself up at every turn. You and your wellbeing are massively important. All good wishes xx

(((SJB))) my dear, the age of consent is there for a good reason. You cannot possibly make a 'choice' in this way as a child. Even if it continued into adulthood - these people are very manipulative and know how to get you bonded to them.

An adult saw vulnerability in you and chose to exploit this and abuse. None of the responsibility is yours.

When I was emotionally abused earlier this year, I felt a little bit ashamed and honestly couldn't tell you why. That's what abuse does to people. This was very mild abuse, in my case - and I was an adult. So, I can't claim to understand how much more intense the feelings might be for you but I can relate to the automatic feeling of shame, even though logically you know you aren't at fault.

This is all bound to be very triggering and distressing for you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. One thing I know for certain is, the rage you experience at times, is 110% textbook normal. For sure.

Sending lots of love to you,

f x

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Hi S_J_B,

it sounds like the counselling has brought up some challenging memories and experiences for you. Sometimes it is difficult to tuck these away neatly after the counselling session. I would recommend that you have a look at this website, see if you can get some trageted support as a survivor: http://thesurvivorstrust.org/

And I would recommend you start using that chrochet kit. Remember - it is just for fun, it doesn't matter if it is any good to start with.

Keep posting, and remember, you are welcome to call the Helpline or the Netline any time. We are here to support you.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Hi Sandra

A compulsion to gamble will come to you in many forms. Note able bringing up past memories to make you feel worthless. These are the times you have to stay strong and believe.

Don’t let the devil convince you otherwise.

The storm will pass