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Hey Sandra, hope you are keeping well, I haven't posted for ages so gave myself a kick up the b**t as I know how important it is. Happy New Year - lets make 2014 a fab year xxx

Thank you so much Ryan and Pink. Really pleased to see you both keeping on the right track and fighting the good fight 🙂

Dear diary,

Another sleepless night, but feeling ok. Did a lot of surfing online last night. First, just want to say my thouggts are with our girls Joan, Carla and Soul.. Some crazy weather they have overseas, and I do hope "ice and snow madness" will finish there soon. Xxx

Nearly let my moods take over yesterday again. Not sure why I have those outbursts, especially about my lovely mum...and why they have to surface now?...no way I blame my lovedvones for who I become...

First time in ages looked at my bank account YAY!!! lol...actually it's not that bad at all. I halved my loan and credit card got only couple of months left to pay off.

I find I do feel lots better and not as weak towards my addiction. Guard up indeed, but it just feels like it is not solution at all. I don't think I would "feel" some kind of excitement or calmness if I would log in on sites..maybe finally my mind got the "training" needed to deal with s**t and struggles in other manner...which is, run, log in here, talk to my mate, breathe, listen to the music.:-))

I thought time has come to set myself few goals.

Starting with most necessary one :

* Appointment with GP about my lack of sleep and few other health issues

Longer goals are :

* Remain gamble free

* Keep paying off debts

* Keep fitness intact ( at least 30 miles a week running )

* Keep looking for the new job

* Get my a**e on that plane in summer and go to see parents

* Keep calm and navigate through each day with belief and determination

* Stay honest with myself and others aroud me

* Get socialising again

That's it for the start lol...

..Read 2014 years Chinese horoscope. .This year is wooden horse year, and should be good year for people, full of strength, determination and lovely surprises. Hopefully this is a year for that change we all need :-))

Upwards and onwards!!

Day 98. Will not gamble, treasure my life more than some soul less machines.

Day at a time

Strength and honour dear soldiers

Just breathe just believe

http://youtu.be/eOfHQjuEM70

Sandra xx

Yo,

Day 98 halfed debts .

Now that Hun , is something to celebrate !

Be proud of yourself , cos you know what ......

This journey is not an easy one , and takes a lot of determination , so for today Mrs I salute you !

Keep the faith babe , will you ever get where you wanna be , who knows ?

Would your life be soooooooo much worste if you had not made that decision 98 days ago . Think we both know the answer to that one lol

((((((((((S))))))))))

Shiny xxxx

Yo,

Lol, was a Mrs , 25years . Now in name only ...yipppeeee.

So it will be Ms from know on for you then .

Though that sounds quite matronly and like you should have 27 cats and live in a quiet county village , making cream scones for the village fate .

That's not how I picture you at all ! Lol

Have a good night at work , candy crush like recovery is bout perseverance . Having said that , over a week I have been stuck on level 163 .

Shiny xxxxxx

Lol...thank you girls xx

Shiny, trust me, you would be shocked if see me life lol...hmmmm nothing to do with quet vilage girl 😀 ( even my cat couldn't handle living with me..says smthing lol )

Julie- wow i still got my gob open about you succes on candy crush !! Wont b long and u get ur recovery days at that number..we stand strong together my friend :-))

Dear diary,

Day 99...like this number!! :-))

Good day in a office, they even got rid of me early lol...well...one down - 6 to go!! Bring it on..

No gambling thoughts...and as SA would say : Thanks for listening 🙂

Day at a time

Stay strong all...we can do it!!

S xxxxx ...ssslleeepppyyyyy..... lol xxxx

Good stuff on being 99 not out. Our English cricketers never get that far! lol

Keep going, day at a time and thanks for your positivity on my diary... warm regards... S.A 🙂

Thank you so much SA and Julie...most appreciated xxx

Dear diary,

Not too good day/night at work. Got proper revved up earlier on and anger still present. Do wonder when it will sustain. The way management dealing with things does make me wonder what am I still doing there....

Want to cry, but used my last reserve of tears last year so just try and calm down in calmer manner..

I can guarantee few grey hair popped up over night ...lol...good job I'm blonde..lol....yep, funny stuff from Sandra...just trying to lift my mood up 🙂

On a bright side - no gambling...three numbers to record my abstinence and it's staying this way 🙂

Right...2 nights down - 5 to go...not sure if I will manage it in that sh..... but I will try...

Over and out

Day at a time

sorry for ramble...

Peace to all, keep going soldiers

Sandra xxx

P.s. random thought...why u always realise what u had until you actually lose it?.....and it's always too late to get it back...hmmm..Ms S Frankenstein with rocket science lol

Sleepy time for sure :-))) xx

Yo,

Well done my lovely on the 100 !

Hope you wake refreshed and ready to battle on through another day at work.

Got to thinking bout what you said , and at my work the indecisiveness and lack of management courage from my boss and dare I say some of my pears was tarring me up last year .

Now I have decided it ain't worth it. I am fed up battling with them and seen as the terrorist amongst the group .

So know I go in do my job the bestest I can , but as I step over the threshold to get the bus home , I start to leave my work thoughts where they should be ,work .

At the end of the day , I have no doubt that you like me are dam good at what we do , which is why we care sooooooo much . When others do not give a toss.

But who suffers, who spends there time out work focusing on work increasing their stress levels, instead of number one . Think we both know the answer to that one.

Anyways hope this has not detracted from the centenary , but was rather hoping by sharing my own experiences that they may help , even if it's a smidgen.

Take care Hun

Shiny xxxxxxxx ((((((((s))))))))))) .

I hate my laptop!!!!!!!!!!!! Just posted a message to you - well tried to dont know where its gone. Anyway just wanted to say how much I appreciate the support you have given me over the last year or so. Its helped me so much and ive been a little low lately and reading through some of the support and encouragement you have given me has helped so much in lifting my spirits so thank you. I hope you are well and although its a little late, ok alot late, merry christmas and happy new year. I hope 2014 can be your year and you achieve and recieve everything that you want and need, your are such a wonderful person, youve helped so many and i hope you are rewarded this year. Take care sandra and thanks again.

Yo Shiny, Julie and Dave :-))) ( Dave - merry Xmas and wonderful New Year for u my friend)

thank you for your kind words....I will get in a thinking gear and look at the situ from different angle..

I do think what's a point in caring if everyone around you just takes a ***. But I still do...and will do until I leave. My nature..

No worries, another day another challenge. I am just glad I can spend my time there these days and don't let the addiction to step in ( being selfish and using work lol )...As Duncs says - time,location, money...ain't got any of them for the habit!! ( my £3 for coffe staying in my pocket lol )

Day 100 YAY YAY YAY...Take that f*****g gambling demon!! ( sorry for swearing )

Ok..time for a run and off I go back to the heavenly environment ;-)) lol

Thank you so much for your thoughts all....even sneaky tear popped out unexpected....:-)) you cheeky comrades making me cry (with happiness ) xxx

Love and courage to you all and the whole wide world

Take care

day at a time

S xxxxx

P.s. higher power is out there!!!! Just got a phone call I don't need to come in tonight ( I was originally supporting other shift ) but hey...maybe they had enough earache from me last night lol

ha ha...love it, best news for the day ;-))

Will catch up later dear soldiers xx

Hi thanks for post hope you are ok ?been keeping busy knitting .

Thank you digglesnan, I am very well thank you very much for asking 🙂

Dear diary,

Another day passing by. No work today( YAY...they don't need me in...)...maybe tomorrow lol.

Went for a great run, didn't realise I had so much energy today. Didn't count but surely done over 10 miles. Love it!!!

Was thinking while running, and thought about my journey, life in general and what I actually trying to achieve going forward.

Well, pleased to say, it's not as bad news as I like to think lol...

Yep, 28 years of age, and have many years to go ( if I'm lucky lol)

First goal to pay off all my debts, find peace with myself and simply leave past behind. I do need to hammer it into my head - I can't change it...that's it. What happened long ago did shape me in a person now. Strong and determined person.We can only learn from the past and keeping angry and mad at myself for smthing what even wasn't my fault is nons3nse. I am ready to let it go and look ahead. That's it - end of story for that matter. ( feel myself getting mad again lol...maybe change subject ).

So, me being from overseas and loving to try something new and always on a go...I decide to venture the world. There are no strings attached I am free as a bird. Pay off my debts, work hard and save as much as I can. I know it will not happen over night, but I am eager to get my freedom and find new unfound experience and happiness. I am always drawn to other countries. I can speak several languages ( Lithuanian, English, Russian, German and a bit of Spanish to name a few lol ) and I know I can do so much better for myself. Just take a year or two off and travel travel travel.

I have learned a lot about ugly things we can bump into, but it only gives me more strength and understanding about it all.

So here we go, today I set myself a goal...it might b not as achievable just yet, but cmon...I learn to develop my patience :-))))

I found a lost person in myself..I always struggled to know what I want from my life...and now I know what it is...peace and freedom.

Overcome my fears and go for everything out there...and there are a lot to do and see. 🙂

As you see, no gambling word in all of this...that's behind me too. Not looking back, enjoying my daily life and believing in myself, because I can. I am making the decision to better my life. Gambling has no space in it what so ever...

I will enjoy my living minutes from now on...you never know when it can end. No more pain,tears and self destruction...

Upwards and onwards

Just for today, I love myself for who I am...may long it continue 🙂

Love to you, me and everyone else in this World

Sandra xxx ( having a lightbulb moment 😉 )

Hi Sandra

Wow, what an inspiring post!! You go girl indeed!! 🙂

Jeez, all those languages you can speak aswell..amazing!! I really admire people that can speak several languages. I did think about learning Spanish one day, that would be cool..

I guess we can all do amazing things when we are on the right path and put our minds to it!

Lets make sure we all stay on the right happy healthy path in life!

Cheers

2012

Hi Sandra,

Amazing last post - with nothing to hold you back, getting rid of those debts and then seeing the world is an awesome motivator and something that I am really grasping myself too. Was Lithuanian your first language? Part of the freelance work that I've done has included a very brief look at the languages of Europe, and isn't it quite unique in Europe, with only some similarities to Latvian? (I admit, I often write about some random things!). I'd also love to see Vilnius at some point.

2014 will be the year of self improvement, I'm hoping to finish paying off the last of my debts and really get a nice amount of money to keep me going as I travel. Sorry, I've completely digressed, but I love the upbeat nature of your last post, and keep working towards your goals and it will pay off big time!

All the best

Ryan

Hey guys!!! :-))

Nobody sleeps tonight?? lol lol...

Julie, 2012,Ryan,...i am so greatful for you being here and couldn't ask for more :-))

Ryan..that's right..i'm from Lithuania..and Vilnius ( our capital) is surely worth seeing :-))

Can give u a tour lol..not only pubs :-))

Kerp it up guys..let's mk it our year!!!

S x