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Hi Sandra,

Hope day 113 is going well for you, and your bubbly optimism is continuing today too. There is more to life than just gambling, and I have spent the last few days eating cheesecake, relaxing with the dog and reading a book at my parents' house. My shifts have moved to Wednesday to Sunday for the next month, so its back to work tomorrow, but I certainly am not complaining.

I know a lot of us moan about work, but you are absolutely right, in the climate that we have come through recently, we are quite lucky to have work. Not that it should stop you from striving to get somewhere better!

Like DP just said, you are really supportive and I for one would like to add how grateful I am that you and so many like you are on this forum helping me through my own journey.

Ryan

Hi leedso, and the rest of dear fighters.. 🙂

Ticking along, another day with no gambling involved. Very very tired, no sleep, no food ( no appetite) and costant work... don't even go for a run in a past 4 days..too weak for it...but, as long as i don't turn to evil habit, i will climb out of this state lol

Maybe just cought some kind of bug...constant cold and shivering...d**n...need some vitamins me thinks 😉

Always reading...just no strentgh to type 🙂 ...b bk to u all..no worries.. xxx

Keep it up all

God bless

Sandra x

No gambling today

Hey Sandra

Sorry to hear you too are not feeling well. Hope you get better soon and some much needed sleep!! I finally succumbed to a visit to the docs this eve and after being told I have a chest infection, I am now on anti biotics. Hoping to feel much better in a few days time.

Look after yourself and go the docs if you don't improve - don't wait like me!!

Take care and continue your great work.

Feb.

Thanx girls...xx

Dear diary,

Oh dear me...really heading to the dark place again..feeling it, i suppose it don't mk much sense but i'm well into f**k it all mood. Yes, just all messed up.

Still got my head on, but it's tough...tiredness proofs once again it's not on my side....after all i was only trying to run away from it all ..work work work..and now it backfires...can't bloody win eh??

....and another e-mail with my account credited with £200....can't make myself to delete it....w*f....please, i have to delete it i can't do it to myself. ..it will finish me off.....

f*****g f*****g hate it all!!!!!!!!!!!! Foooking piece of s**t waste of space b****!!!

f*k it

.

It is what it is, if i can't help myself..nobody else can...

Have a lovely read guys. ...f*****g messed up urges/gambling/urges head.... .:-( 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁

Hi ((((Sandra))))

Your over-tired, it warps the mind. Am feeling a bit that way myself. Go for a run.. the urges will pass.

Thoughts are with you... S.A 🙂

Thank you both.. xxx

I am completely drained - email deleted.

S x

Well done for deleting that email Sandra, you know you made the right decision. What the gambling companies know is that these emails will make us think that it is free money, but in reality, it is just a way to tempt you back in to the horrible downward spiral.

Have you self-excluded from that site, can you ask them to stop sending emails?

Stay strong, you know you are worth an awful lot more than a couple of hundred quid.

Ryan

Hey Sis,

Pushing through urges myself. I too get those stinking emails from those online predators.. The bas tar ds even call me on my landline asking where I have been??? I think that is why I broke from online gambling last year. They are so obvious. I think my anger at them keeps me from slipping. You don't need their blood money. It is yours they are after. Don't take the bait. Come on here as you did and we will be here for you. Hugs and high fives for kicking those bottom feeding fools to the curb where they belong. -joanxxx

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for posting on my diary and helping me through a really tough day. Coincidentally I received an email the other day saying my account was credited with £100. They're the devil trying to lure you in again. Well done for deleting it. They'll try again. Make no mistake. But you're strong enough to tell them to f***f.

Keep up the good work. You're an inspiration to a lot of people here. Keep up the good fight.

Sandra

I hope you are continuing to do what is right for you my dear friend.

I do raise a smile when I read 'my account was credited with ££££'s'

Why because it is not real is it??

you cant say ok I will take the free money!!

If someone walked up to you in the street and said give me £50. What you you say??

FOOOOOOOOOOOK OFFFFF!!!

It is about making a choice, one that you have made so well, keep doing it.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Sandra,

I hope that all is well with yourself. Thanks very much for your post on my diary. It is really appreciated.

Best wishes

Dave

Hey all,

Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words.

Coming back from the dark place and standing up on my two feet. It seems so tough sometimes, urges trying to lure me back into self destruction. ... but I have too much to lose to head back there...you are right Duncs, only recovery can keep giving, and all of those sites just take it all out of us...only myself can make a choice to stay on straight and narrow.

Dear diary,

Day 115 if I'm correct...had 16 hrs sleep!!!! How lazy lol!! But hey, it's what I needed...feel good, took my medicine from all of you today my dear fighters, so much wisdom and strength on this site I feel blessed to be part of it 🙂

Two things happened yesterday, one of them was me getting a phone call from the bank offering me another loan ( to put my credit card and existing loan together and pay it off in one go )..after some time listening to the "benefits" it offers I was asked what do I spend my credit card on. I only used it on gambling before, and after words stuck in my throat, I managed to splutter it out on the phone...Gambling.... after a little pause, she said, oh it's not good....but do you want this new loan to spend on whatever?.(holiday, mortgage)..I was a bit shoked, I wanted to pass a message on I don't want any loans or upgraded credit cards...I want to pay it all off now and that's it...I keep up my payments, but seems like everything goes around money in this society. ...as long as you paying all the interest back, nobody cares you have a harmful habit and spend lended money on aelf destruction

I refused everything at the end, pay off what I've got left, and try to save what is mine...mine hard earned cash.i don't need money which is not mine.

Second thing last night, I spoke to my friend. Such a honest and open chat. I am so into my issues, I failed to see that my mate is not in the best place herself. We come to some sort of agreement, we had a little cry together....and agreed to tackle everything head on, and help each other as much as we can.

Sometimes we don't realise, that we still running from ourselves and heading to self destruction. Let it be gambling, drink, drugs or food.

We all make mistakes but we only can learn from them. No more of the above in my life, I acan do better than that. I am stronger and determined to make it all work. I make a choice today - I will not gamble. Demons can stay close by, I can only look into their eyes and stick my middle finger at them. I will not run away, I will tackle it all head on!!!

That's it from me..life is ok today, getting dark, but off I go for a run Something what sets me free and keeps my wellbeing physically and mentally intact.

Thanx for listening ( sorry SA, nicked these words from u lol )

Day at a time

we can do it

Sandra x

Thank you Julie xx...i am a wee bit worried about you and really want you to feel free and at ease to come along and share your worries, emotions and anger ( if you have any ).i am always listening girl xx

Dear diary,

Another day starting early for me, hence my beauty sleep last night lol..already tempted to put my running gear on, i must sound crazy lol...but really missed my hoby for a couple of days...will be tapping my fingers and waiting for a sunrise 🙂

No urges, went on a chat last night and had a lovely conversation with some of you dear fighters. Something what always puts me at ease.

Sis come round for a bit last night...with 3 youngsters...( my nephew's cousins )..and oh god...never had a house full of laughter, energy and chaos of 8 year olds lol lol..all good stuff, bless their little hearts 🙂

All is good in my little world...shifts starts tonight and i am ready for it. Bring it on!!!!

Day at a time

Take care all

Sandra x

Sandra,

Great to see you continuing to do well. I know how you feel ref the running. I haven't been out in what seems like ages and god knows I need a little exercise and some fresh air. Running is defo the best therapy.

Keep up your good work.

16 hours sleep is impressive.

Tomso.

Looking after 8 year olds? Two hours with them and I bet you're ready for another 16 hours in bed! Well done for still being on the straight and narrow in terms of gambling, and I hope the weekend brings you more fun and enjoyment.

Ryan