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Hi Sandra,

How are you? I've been reading through some of your recent posts. Your contributions on this site always give me a smile. Keep up the good work and don't let anything get you down. Remember, we can choose to be happy (I'm not sure I totally believe that sometimes to be honest lol. But it's a nice thought!)

All the best : )

Hey all, thank you for your kind words 🙂 xxx

I am cool Martin, thank you for asking. I am not as active on here anymore, but i do read the forum daily. All the souls here been significant part of my journey, I got my old self back, i am confident and honest with myself and others, I will be thankful to every single one of you for everything I learned on my way till the end of my life. I do have up and down days, but it's absolutely normal everyday life. I have accepted a lot of things I can't change and concentrating on the ones I can.

Today is a good day. Old good ticker still doing its job lol, and I've got spring in my feet. Plus it's day off, so no stress, panic and running around like headless chicken lol.

Preparing myself mentally for a weekend at work, ready to get on with it and do my best 🙂

No urges, life is bright and calm today and I enjoy every minute of it. Keep the belief going and just ticking along day at a time.

Looking forward to my little milestone on 20th May, something I looked forward from the start of my journey 🙂

Rambling again, but hey - at least not gambling!!!

Take care dear soldiers, keep up the good work all, anything is possible, recovery road is endless, and surely full of lovely surprises on the way :-)))

Day at a time

God bless

S x

http://youtu.be/EGYaxYaxD_M

Hi Sandra and thank you for your recent post. It sounds like you've gained wisdom and strength as well as a 'spring in your step.' This is all good to read and I'm glad to hear this. I'm sure you know you've come a long way and you deserve it all because you stuck it out through thick and thin with an unbreakable will to change. Enjoy counting the days down to May. Stay strong.

Steve

Hey wee pal,

Thanks for the reminder- where would I be without you?

Hoping the weekend's not too arduous (you're right its mine off- thankfully!)

Great diary posting by the way- keep smiling 🙂

Take care

Irene

x

Hi Sandra and glad to read that all is good in your world. I hope that work is not too stressful this weekend. Well done on your gambling free time. Regards... S.A 🙂

Hi Sandra,

It's good to read your in a good place at the moment, I have every confidence you will reach your milestone.

Working at the weekend again? we must draw the short straws lol

Take lotsa care x

Thank you all,

Dear diary,

" When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.

When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.

When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.

When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.

When times are tough, dare to be tougher.

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.

When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.

When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.

When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.

When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.

When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.

Dare to be the best you can -

At all times, Dare to be!”

Good quote to help me to tick along. Some stormy waters,, but hey, sailing through, day at a time

No gambling

S x

Hey Bob, thank you so much 🙂

Dear diary,

Quick update. No urges, work is ..hmmm..so so, but i'm refusing to let a single thought wondering that way. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Life is good today, lovely run in a fresh air, spirits high, belief intact, smile on a face and most important - guard up!!

Oh yea...to top it off - a week off 😀

Time for some me time, enjoy relax and sleeeeeeppp lol

Have a lovely weekend all

stereo love (just love the tune 🙂 )

http://youtu.be/s1ejqPqrzy8

S xxx

So glad to hear you are on an even keel at the moment, you so deserve it and much more for all the effort you put in for others as well as fighting your own battles.

Thank you

xxx

Hello S1

Thanks for your post on my diary and great to see your doing so well !

I have said it before but you support so many here on this site, it needs people like you.

I will be ok, my head had fallen off but back on now hopefully for the long time. Take care and have a great week off of sleep 😉 Dark Place #

Morning Sandra,

As its your week off I hope you won't read this for a little while, I know that luxury is when I usually sleep late and do very little.

Good to see you're still staying strong and not allowing gambling to creep back in....you know those high spirits and positive outlook...for us CG's they're symptoms of not gambling. Hope your holidays are awesome!

Ryan

Thanx all xxxxx

Dear diary,

No need blah blah this evening lol. All is ok, no gambling no urges, moving on, - day at a time.

Another wise quote :

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Take care all

S x

Dear diary,

Not sure what day g free it is, but it don't matter. All what matters is now and today. And I have to admit is not the best day I'm having. Why?? Hmmm,hello old disgusting, nasty, ugly, unforgiving, annoying, destroying urges.

Lost in myself today, no motivation to do things and all I hav going through my mind is that nagging voice, "Cmon Sandra, let time go past, just a tenner, just one of your fav games, just excitement and harmless few minutes". Ever so hard to shake it off today, feel like just started my recovery and horrible addiction holding me tight in it's grip. Feel powerless, start getting angry I feel this way and just trying to block it all off. I am thankful to you diary, I am thankful for this site, I am thankful for caring people around me. It is very hard to write right now, to admit my mind is getting locked up in gambling cell. But I have to put it all down, I always get it all out since starting my recovery. That's what it is - my recovery, my battle and my survival. Weirdly start thinking of "aftermath" if I went for it. Must have some sort of sense left in me, couse think of how would I feel after. Win or loose money wise - I would of feel looser myself,, only for letting it in back in my life. Only couse I have a boring day I let my mind wonder in a danger zone. I slipped before, and who knows me will remember that I didn't take it on too well. Do I want to feel it again?? Oh God NO!!!!

Dear Rob, yes, you are always right..looked back in my diary, felt every past emotion I overwent and felt so guilty for giving myself a white flag to go for it. What a complete madness!!! Self destruction, pain and weakness. One second to make that wrong choice and reach the end of the road. I hate gambling, it is waste of time. The time I might not spend as useful today, but it is MY time for myself and not soul less machines. Something dear Rach called them before, best way to put it "selling my soul to something so cold and motionless".

I feel so weak and defeated it's devastating feeling. I am honest with myself, and I admit, today I can't say I will never gamble again, that's how it's got me by the throat, I can't say I don't miss them, I can't say I am cured and I can't say I trust myself 100%. I simply don't, all I can do is keep fighting, minute at a time, hour at a time, keep moving on,, slowly. I hav to guard up with patience and belief. Every minute counts, it is not silly mind game I play, it is fight against evil just to pull through to tomorrow. Another day to face, another battle to greet.

Not sure where I would b now if not this safe and comfortable place I can visit on good and bad days. I might feel like making my first wobbly step forward, but I have learned on my way so far, it is not laughing matter, my worst enemy is beside me every step I take, it is patient and waching every step I make, I will never defeat it, I just accept it's presence and get on with it,, at the end of the day it's only down to me to choose how close i am prepared to let it into my world. Let's do it f*****g addiction, I will play the mind game and keep telling you to f*** off every minute you try to cross the thin line....

Just for now - today I will not gamble

Over and out

Day at a time

Sorry for the ramble dear readers, but it is what it is

Sandra x

Thank you dear Bob,your words a really appreciated, storm has passed, breaks are firmly on, head on my shoulders and looking ahead.will never ever give up the fight, it is a good fight for my freedom.

Also thank you Julie and Duncs, your support is most appreciated and I will always be thankful for this great opportunity to meet you on my way.

take care all,

Day at a time

Keep fighting the good fight

S x

Hi Sandra,

Admitting that there are urges is not a sign of weakness, and if I'm honest than I would admit that it is during holiday periods when I have lots of spare time that I tend to get the urges the most.

The sign of the strength within you is that you have put those urges behind you and not given in to them. They aren't pleasant, but you've done really well to beat them once again. On the low days it isn't about how many days you've been without gambling, its just about getting through that day without gambling, and going on to the next one.

Proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with you in this fight.

Ryan