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Just like the mantra.
One day at a time!
Welcome 212
Lets be honest all the blocks in the world wouldn't stop a compulsive gambaler on a mission. It's more peace of mind
For me I found that opening up to my family and friends helped
More than any block ever could.
I gave them control of my assets with strict instructions of not giving it me back until years end then we sit down and reassess my situation. I even told them thing's I would say to try and get my hands on my money.
It's a simple solution that has the most effect. Set yourself some small goals like a week and build from there.
There's also other elements you need to look at ie why you gamble. If you can find out why and what makes you gamble you can build your recovery around that. All the best here's to day dot

Good luck, I'm exactly the same I've been excluding my self from gambling sites for around 10 years but I'll always find new ones. If there was an exclusion team out there that could circulate all our details to old and new casinos that would help us gamblers in a big way but it's like they open new casinos to get around those who are excluded from sister sites.

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Hi 212,

welcome to the Forum and well done for taking steps to stop. It sounds like you are finding yourself in quite an unhealthy situation in terms of work/life balance, in terms of sleep and in terms of me-time. I appreciate that there are certian necessities and this situation with the children and your wife is not very easy to change. However if you want your recovery to be meaningful and sustainable, you will have to address all the things around it.

It might be helpful to call the Helpline or the Netline and talk to an adviser, perhaps talking to someone about this might help you find a way forward.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

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Hi if wanting was enough we would all be gamble free. Work on getting 1 day free and take it from there, be careful of what situation you put yourself in. We have all been in your shoes so don't be too down on yourself. Good Luck

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If you're serious about giving up gambling, you'd get a real Day One (and beyond to recovery) by trying a different approach. Going it alone by willpower whilst brooding over your apparent entrapment isn't working.

The approach that does work is GA and GC counselling plus real barriers including parental controls on the broadband, blocking software and a lack of access to cash. All of which is impossible unless your wife knows. Recovery depends on honesty, it starts from honesty and it's doable. But only if you choose it.

re your earlier posts. Addiction looks for rationalisation and justification to justify the unjustifiable. You're not blaming anyone else but you seem to greatly resent the woman who you married and the children who you both brought into the world. Are their demands on you wholly unreasonable or do they eat into valuable gambling time? The children grow quickly and the early years are precious as well as stressful, why are the children this all consuming burden to be passed between you and your wife one at a time? Is it because you just want to be left alone to gamble? Why are you stuck in one room with them fighting? Are they bored because you're there gambling and not engaging with them? Can you play with them and/or take them out and tire them out? Meet other parents along the way? Have family time so that you share the childcare?

If you make changes, things will change.

Hope today is the first and last Day One.

CW

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Hi, again,

A common complaint from the family is that the gambler isn't there, not just physically but in terms of paying loving attention. Put the other way round, your loving attention is valued.

But not planning on telling your wife sounds ominous. Beating yourself up about the gambling changes nothing, it's what you do and the action that you take that changes things. You can't get to meetings and counselling and have effective barriers unless she does know and the deceit and the gambling are perpetuated. It's the equivalent of her having an affair and deciding not to tell you what you don't need to know. Once it comes to light, you then look back and realise that every conversation, every interaction, every smile was based on a lie, that she knew all along something that you didn't. That's the threat to the relationship, not the money. Galling as the losses are.

Hope you do what it takes to turn things round. Wish you well.

CW

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I get that you don't want to hear this but...

Once we had our crisis, change happened relatively quickly and thus far it has been sustained. That was my experience and it's why I would suggest going for everything that needs to be done.

And what you really don't want to hear but is still valid...Counselling is all good, it's you starting to do things differently but it's not a substitute for telling her. One aspect of living the lie with an active gambler is that your antennae tell you something's wrong but the gambler tells you that you're mistaken, imagining things, misjudging him, looking for trouble where there isn't any. After having this long term, I really thought it was me, I lost faith in my own sense and judgement and that was a huge loss that did affect me. For me, it was a relief when it came to light, I hadn't been going mad after all. By not telling her, you may think that you're helping you (gambling thrives on secrecy) but she is almost certainly suffering.

Her depression may well have a medical solution that she needs to find, overcoming your gambling requires you to do what it takes for recovery. She'll have to deal with her reaction, you'll have to deal with yours. But her supporting your stress at work isn't the long term answer.

Wish you well.

CW

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