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The gambling makes problems in the relationship a whole lot worse. She's not the perfect wife, but if her aggression or even some of it is in response to your stress at work and your wish to be left alone to bet in peace, it's not surprising.

You don't have to have an addiction to have a problematic relationship. But if you do have an active addiction, the problems are to be expected.

Chicken or egg? At the end of the day, you're the one who places the bet, driven by addiction and seeking whatever it is that betting gives you. You can choose recovery instead.

If it's all out in the open, you could both seek the help you need. My family's life - at the moment - is a lot better than it was when he was spread betting. Because my husband's there. And part of it.

CW

If the counselling doesn't give you the answers, consider gamblers anonymous. Either way, neither are easy answers. This progressive habit / addiction isn't always so easily stopped.

It's a horrible vicious circle you are in & gambling is your current 'escape', your 'you time' so addiction would have you believe, 'your ticket out of hell'? Would being rich solve your problems? I expect not!

You have absolutely done the right thing coming here, booking counselling & everyone here living their recovery (both sides of the fence) wants you to know what we know...Reality is, as long as you are moving forwards that's all you can do. What I would say, having grown up in a house of addiction, fake it til you make it! Those children need you guys to set them good examples not take out your frustrations on them!

Although I dispute that I was 'depressed', I went through a terrible time of not sleeping & just wanted to mention that I found a salt lamp very calming (you can pick them up for about £12)...Maybe worth a shot?

Keep pushing forwards - ODAAT

"Do I gamble because I am unhappy, or am I unhappy because I gamble?" For me, the answer was both. But they become so intertwined that they're hard to separate. Once you stop one you can start to work on the other. So which do you stop first? Staying without a bet, one day at a time, will give you breathing space to work on the other things that are causing you unhappiness. Counselling will help you with that. I think that discussing this with your wife will give you the best chance at recovery...but I can understand how difficult that is for you right now. Perhaps your first upcoming counselling sessions could be used to decide how,not if, you start that conversation. I'm not telling you what to do, but my experience of trying to keep it a secret meant that it just prolonged the agony. LB x

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How are you getting on? Your last post sounds good but better still is to support it with a broken triangle and GA and the counselling. Will power alone melts like a chocolate fire guard in the heat of the compulsion.

Wish you well.

CW

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The first bet is absolutely the one to avoid.

At least you see it as gambling, which is a start. The trouble with spread betting and CFDs is that there's a whole illusion of respectability, after all, it's about markets and finance and commodities, not the 3.30 at some obscure racetrack. Actually it's betting on random outcomes and you lose so much more so much faster because the losses exceed the deposit.

My husband kidded himself for years that he was investing, he even extended the corrupt market-respectability line to spread betting on sports! And whilst I am very grateful for our secure roof, we have stayed - squashed - in our starter flat throughout. The opportunity to upgrade to a house with a garden was lost to the gambling, even though we both work and our family feels and has always felt the lack of space. The boys had to make do with football in their friends' gardens.

Carefully blocking your computer whilst keeping an open line via the vital-essential-can't-manage-without-it smartphone is classic addict thinking. If you're going for recovery this time, it needs rethinking, developing new habits and ways of going about your life with a broken triangle. If you have easy access to a blocked laptop, you could learn to live without the phone. Or use parental controls on your broadband provider, your wife will need to set the password.

Recovery and turning your life round is possible and that's the example to set the children. Stick with it.

CW

Just read your post. Don't underestimate the role that your gambling played in the first breakup. My experience of being on the receiving end was pretty grim, but we have stayed as a family only because necessary changes are being made.

Not saying that so as to criticise but more to suggest that you don't repeat the same mistake in this marriage.

CW

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