Going to keep this thread now!

Hey f ...ditto SA .i am guessing life is one big social whirl for ya and deservedly so if that's the case...hope your enjoying the sunshine xx

R and D xx

Well it's me, back checking in....

I just haven't had the urge to post anything. Work continues to be fine. Am really VERY lucky on this front. Had to have a day off last Friday as I pulled a muscle in my back and couldn't walk very well. Goes back in yesterday, and they were genuinely bothered if I was OK, kept encouraging me to take it easy, and my manager told me to basically do whatever I liked, as I would know best what my limits were! I mean you can't put a pounds and pence value on that, can you?

Socialising?....well....Am trying! Haven't made any new friends, but went to a "singing for fun!" group on Tuesday. I was picturing Glee, but was sadly more like something the OT's would lay on in a psychiatric hospital. We had shakers, and sang hymns, including kumbaya.... Am proud of myself for trying something new though. Just have to keep trying, til something tickles my pickle.

What else is left to update on? Oh yes, the Gambling....

Well, it isn't why I haven't been posting (I know some people disappear when in action, and feel too ashamed to post) I have done some flirting with gambling, but certainly haven't gone all out nuts for it.

It's related to getting a tablet thingy. I have to admit, that whenever we get a new computer (very rarely obviously) or anything internetty like a tablet, I always get tempted to have a flutter for a day or two before installing blocking software. Stupid, I know, but there you go. Well, my tablet isn't the fanciest of gadgets, so it may be the basic nature of the thing, but I can't seem to install betfilter or the like on it. It downloads OK, but then says "can't open file". Have searched tech forums for advice, and gather that I have to save it to an SD card and open it from there....but can't figure out how to do that. Any tech heads who want to give me a tip, please do. Am starting to consider just selling the blummin thing on *******, and getting something like a netbook that would hopefully have a better capability for things like this.

I have a story from my internet escapades, which I think rather than triggering people, may provide excellent medicine for those who read it.

I signed up to some stupid internet bingo site, that had a no deposit joining bonus. I of course, stupidly ticked the terms and conditions box without reading them first....

Well once the "free" money had run out, I deposited. I at least had the sense to use a proper credit card, which insures you against any fraudulent activity using your card details. However, the loops you had to jump through to actually withdraw any money we're staggering! You could not withdraw more than you had deposited in the history of your account - ie you LITERALLY couldn't win, you could withdraw a MINIMUM of £30 - so if you "won" £25 you couldn't actually have it(!), you could only make one withdrawal every seven days, you could not withdraw with a certain credit card (the kind I had registered), I was asked for a scanned image of photo ID and the credit card I had used, before I could even attempt a withdrawal, and if you don't want to provide them with ANOTHER set of card details, they can send you a cheque but charge a £5 fee for this, and it takes several weeks to actually be processed.

You couldn't make it up! So basically, it is virtually impossible to win anything. That was certainly good medicine for me. I haven't deposited since, even though my tablet is still not blocked. I do want to block it anyway though, as soon as possible, just to be safe.

Gambling companies have certainly gotten about 100 times slyer than they already were, when I used to gamble on the internet regularly several years ago.

Anyway, the amount of money lost is unimportant really, although it is not an amount that would cause massive problems for me. Just a 2 figure sum, but the damage to my confidence in the ability to resist temptation, is massive. I even visited an arcade for the first time in years, the other day. Again, not masses lost, left with money still in my purse, but good grief! it's terrifying how quickly I can deteriorate.

Anyway, sorry I've not been reading or posting. I just feel very apathetic about it, and I can't seem to shake that off. I've been spending less time on my proper computer due to having a tablet - I originally bought it so I could spend more time in the living room with the rabbit, and still go online - but I can't type anything lengthy on the tablet.

Must go, thanks for dropping by on my thread. I will try to read and post more!

Hi Freda.... Iv'e read similar tales of the hurdles that online gambling companies put in the way to stop you or make it as difficult as possible to withdraw your winnings, whilst at the same time allowing you to deposit in an instant.

For me as someone who has never gambled online it acts as a very powerful barrier. I would just go nuts if I won but couldn't get my money straight away. That's always been one of the lures of gambling for me ie winning money in an instant and having it ya hand in an instant!!

I hope your resolve to not gamble, firms up soon f... you know what happens, sooner or later you will do a big wedge of money that you really needed and once its gone its gone.

On a positive its great to hear that work is going well and that your finding fun things to do. I need some fun. As is often the case with me am mired in job stress. Yawn yawn.

As for computer devices I still like my desktop and mouse with a big screen. I have no desire to come on here from a smart phone or other device cos they either have a small screen or like my phone its so blumin sensitive to the touch that it takes ages to get it right.

Anyway glad your ok in the great scheme of things. Take care... S.A 🙂

Hey f...great to see you back and a long post there will all the catch ups ...

Work seems to be suiting you and the great thing about these dairies is that you come and go with no pressure or expectation as its like you've not been away when you pop in...

Just let us know that your ok or else Ms worry here will think youre under your weird neighbours patio ..lol

Hugs

R and D xx

Hi Freda!

How you keeping?

Ain't on here that much.Really hope alls well and wish you my best.

Viggo.

Thanks SA, ex D and Viggo!

I have been fine, really. Just dropping by to say all is well, and still on the wagon. I bought a tablet when hubby started working away, so I could spend more time in the living room with our bunny. It's only a cheapy one, so is rubbish for writing anything of any length on!

Think that's why I've stopped posting. Got out of the habit of spending time in the spare room, on a proper pc!

Trying to post a bit more. Still struggle with depression, which causes urges for gambling, as well as comfort eating. Definitely doing better than I was, though.

Haven't gambled in a good while.

Hey f

Glad to see you here in a good way I mean ..I still chuckle at your typo "busty week in work" instead of busy ...lol lo lol

I encountered a few "twits and turns " last week..lol

This weather is all very well but Somedays I find it oppressive. By the coast there is a feeling of movement but in the cities it's stagnant air...

I get depressed If have no outlet for anger which is why this site and my diary has been a godsend..I dump my S***e on my diary.

Not gonna give you the whole .."hope you feel better" as depression is something I think we learn to manage better rather than cure or get over...but just for today feel it xxx

R and D xx

Hiya,

Trying to post a bit more. Still struggle with depression, which causes urges for gambling, as well as comfort eating. Definitely doing better than I was, though.

Haven't gambled in a good while.

Ditto!! but glad your ok in the great scheme of things. So am I I guess. Take care... S.A 🙂

Hey Hun

You are absolutely right there ....I have to learn what is my responsibility and what is another's ...

I was conflicted as I think this kid is going to be poked and prodded around with and tested for this new diagnosis when I actually I think what's wrong is far more basic ..high as a kite on sugary foods and no strong male role model..

Hey ho ..what do I know with no kids and all?? Lol

Will have to keep your diary re bumped as had to fishing in authors to find you...made up that you are living life Hun and no longer a prisoner ...that's what it's all about ..

A little slogan from my al anon days

"When I got Busty I got better "

Pint of silicone barkeep...

Don't mind if I do ....xxx

Thanks lovelies xxx

Did I mention before that I live in Sunderland. An old industrial heartland in years gone by, with a strong shipbuilding and mining industry. Devastated by unemployment and poverty since "she" came into power.

I was disgusted this week, to read an article about a GP practising in said city, who is sick to death of people trying really hard, to convince him they are unwell. He proudly complains in "Pulse" magazine "I had considered, at one point, putting up a portrait of Professor Stephen Hawking in my consulting room with a caption that said, ‘This bloke is not on the sick'" Yep, Stephen Hawkings is living proof that disabled people don't need sickness benefits. The thing that is more horrifying, is that this guy is an intelligent educated person!

This is what vulnerable people are up against.

Hello freda

A lal confused by that post of yours. Think gp despite being a lal harsh has a superb point.

Am not an expert in disabilities but can only see through my own amputee eyes. Im a 1 armed bricklayer, no great shakes there. But i also feel we live in wrap up in cotton wool society and spend all our time harping on about the injustice of our. country. Greed is our new god. Am also a benefactor of one of the most abused benefits of our generation in DLA. And i hate it. I see my disability as a handicap and think everybody are entitled to opinions but please don't generalise what you think about the injustice of disabled people. Disability is not a vulnerability,

Sorry, my humble view only

Hi Volcano,

Thanks for your post.

I don't entirely understand the point you are making.

As a person with disabilities myself, I think we are all extremely vulnerable at the moment. This is because people with disabilities are being used as scapegoats, by the Tories. There is a lot of propaganda being put about, that most people on the sick are fiddling the system. We are portrayed as scroungers, who exaggerate their difficulties in order to scrounge more money out of the system. The actual rate of benefit fraud is 0.5% as the DWP's own figures show. Tax evasion costs the country 70 times more than benefit fraud.

Hate crimes against the disabled have soared, and 40% of benefit appeals are currently being won. That is a huge margin of error, if you put that down to genuine mistakes. Statistically, benefit reform has hit disabled people harder than those without a disability, and the disabled are much more likely to live below the poverty line.

I agree that some people on the sick are capable of doing a job, if that job is the right job for them, and won't aggravate or worsen their condition. Unfortunately there is very little choice in the job market at present.

For that Gp to suggest that people on sickness benefits shouldn't be, because someone with a disability has got a job is ridiculous. Very few jobs like professor Hawkins job exist. Very few people have the ability to perform as a professional academic.

You are absolutely right in the sense that not everyone will have a GP who is as much of an a**ehole, as Phil Peverley. So not every disabled person is up against the same prejudice. I didn't expect my post to be taken as literally as that.

I was using the example, to illustrate the kind of prejudice that exists against those in receipt of sickness benefit, and the flawed logic and ignorance upon which this is based.

Have a good day.

Hey f

I know what you mean about comparisons that bear no relevance to reality but are designed to inflict more guilt and make you feel more s**t.

Stephen Hawkings is an unfair comparison just as comparing your home being repossessed in the UK as being equivalent to living in a mud hut in Cambodia .

Also mental disability is a very different ball game to physical ...

As an ex agoraphobic and panic attack sufferer I often wished my malaise was visible on the outside as then it may have been taken more seriously .

The powers that be have got what they want...all of us In fighting but you are right about the % age of money wasted on big business's tax evasion...all this in fighting neatly keeps all our eyes off the ball,

They say a societies success is measured on how they treat its most vulnerable ...well I guess society has vastly different meanings to everyone now and all of us have some group or other whom we often scapegoat .

I am also no stranger to that and last year certain sectors of society ( 12 yr olds with prams) became my target when I discovered I got no help at all from a system I have consistently paid into and I felt punished for being responsible.

R and D xx

Think your missing the hole point.

Dr hawkings epitomise the strength of the human spirit. Disability isbt a vulnerability its a gift to get your head around, able people are not able to. Harping about injustices for disabled people all your doing is categorising.

Mental and physical disabilities go hand in hand. Do you think some poor bast-ard who's just had his limbs blown off only suffers from a physical handicap? No, not at all.

My whole point is you can wallow in a disability and be angry at the world and at this police state we live in. Or we can move on. I see the spirit of disabled people of all ages monthly, and i also see the flip side of ' poor me, chip on the soldier ' fairly often as well. So who's right? The ones who get stuck in the system and roll over or the ones who stand up and be counted.

Everybody has a view but please don't be the mouthpiece of disabilities until you have the facts right as in my humble view your stifling the gifted.

A son of a ex miner

ps, i know how to fill out the form for DLA, my guilt!!