Going to keep this thread now!

Posted by: freda

Just realised I'm now on day 102! Well done, me!

Well done on 100 days ?

Hello lovely freda.. Thanks for popping by.

Stay safe 

Boo ??

Uh, life is hard right now. I've got a short temper when I'm stressed and it's making communicating with people who aren't gentle, hard. I recognise it as a behaviour I have exhibited too, though. I can't claim to have never dismissed someone else's opinion. 

I feel like most of us learn to not be gentle with one another. Maybe behaviours like physical violence, or pathological emotional abuse, are not as common but if I were to take a punt, I'd guess most people have dismissed someone in the past year or so.

It's very painful to be completely dismissed and/or mocked. This is what ignites anger in me. If someone can see some value in some of my reason, I am much more open to their point of view. May we all find a way to acknowledge each other gently, wherever we can. May I find a grain of sense in even the most diametrically opposed opinion.

Hi Freda,

Thank you for your posts....im a bit behind with catching up and so only now had a chance to read your last posts.

Sounds like you are quite emotionally sensitive recently, maybe even hurt by words/actions of others. The way we react to others is never ending journey because we learn as we go along, what to let affect us and what not so much. I know taat every situation is different and being emotionally effected can also deliver different outcomes in our responses.

Its difficult time for everyone. Our emotions are heightened and more sensitive we like it or not. Other's behaviours can leave a print on us a lot.

I like to read that you and your fella are keeping the connection going..even if only virtual for now. Its not easy and can appear quite testing in this present climate. 

Unfortunately my relationship has ended last week. Not strong enough to keep it going. Hurt him - yes, but not having the spiritual connection and understanding was just sending us in circles. I also did what i never done in my life, like sleeping with him on the 2nd date. Umm, maybe im still confused of what i want and more worrying im quite scared that im still very much so emotionally detached from people.

It is indeed painful to be dismissed. Everyone's feelings should be validated no matter what they are. We are human beings at the end of the day...however we dont have to accept rage, anger or worse - violence. We need to pick what is good and positive to us and ditch the rest, esp toxic stuff.

Not sure if this makes sense, truly don't know. But the message i am trying to put accross is - you are enough! You're doung your best and you deserve respect, compassion and nourishment...you're doing very well on non gambling front so i guess, this is a good start also in self care ??

Ps. Im not exactly responding to others much simply due to being on moderation and the posts being published a bit late which gets snowed under other posts...etc....this present worrying life has not softened some hearts unfortunately but i shall leave it be...and, shall express my best wishes to everyone regardless.

Stay safe and sound lovely, look after yourself, take care and keep up good work ypu do.

Much love...

S........ xx

Thanks, San

How interesting that you mention nourishment. A term I have used recently myself, to describe what I hope is coming my way. Not a word that comes up much.

I feel like I have mastered a basic looking after myself and being independent. I don't look to others to depend on them but if they can offer additional nourishment, it enriches life. Whether this is seeing us without judgement and accepting us, offering simple acts of compassion - a listening ear, hug, foot rub, making us laugh whatever - during times of stress, enjoying sharing experiences together - food, a movie, a trip or simply a conversation or game. I'm well up for a bit of nourishment.

I like him. I haven't met anyone who really makes me laugh, in ages. We will see!

Have had a really productive day but still taken my time with everything. I phoned in sick, saying I needed to isolate because I had a temperature. To be honest, I didn't want to face the uncertainty of "will they let too many people in the shop again?" The shop manager reckons it's still under the maximum number the company has stipulated but then that person obviously made a poor decision, as every staff member said they felt unsafe.

My attitude is, if they play fair, then I show up and do my bit. Not if it doesn't feel safe, though.

Hi f

Cant fault you on that. We are as responsible for ourselves as for others. 

In all fairness, my place got PPE only like a week ago. We had gloves before...and a mask which was not really suitable in wearing day in day out. On the last set i walked into the proper supply of PPE. There are masks, protective glasses, protective gowns, individual bottles of hand sanitiser...does make you feel safer but the main question remains on the time frame. Is it not too late and how many already caught, transferred the virus....

Times are remaining challenging and we MUST keep on the ball and not relax yet. This is serious situation but together, by doing our part individually, we can protect ourselves and others.

Use this time wisely girl. Appreciate the time for self reflection and self care.

Stay safe & well

S&B xx

I have descended into mucky talk, with the man. Lockdown does strange things to you!

Day 111

Longest period of sobriety in quite a while. Don't really think about gambling much, other than the odd, fleeting thought.

The man is extremely keen. The mucky talking continues. So strange to not be able to go through the normal stages of a relationship in person. I remind myself it is not yet a relationship in real life. There is potential there.

Stay safe ❤️❤️ Boo 

Hey girl!

Whoop whoop on g free time! Thats awesome!

Yeah, noticed some of them too keen on dating sites. Maybe due to this situation now, they are trying to express themselves too much on keyboard?

Either way you know what to accept and what not. Do hope it works out tho and you get to know him enough before meeting up.

Im once again v pleased to be single. Im not made for relationships lol...jeez, too much weight to carry but maybe it's cause i happen to meet quite needy men?i just truly celebrate my independence! Quite accepting of that as my life going forwards.

You back to work yet? If so, hope you have plenty of PPE and staying safe!

Take care

S&B xx

Hey,San!

Yeah been back a week now. There is a flat feeling in the air at work. Managers are often in bad moods, as they are having to man the doors and are getting a lot of verbal, like we do. They can usually go and hide in their office, so they are fresher if they have to deal with an occasional angry customer. 

Although I think I'm enemy number one for speaking up about the shop being too busy with customers at Easter, others backed me up and they seem to be actually keeping the numbers down, now. I think they're a bit wary of me, as people don't usually speak up so readily. 

We have surgical masks available atm, if we want to use them. Gloves are no use in our situation, as you have to change them after every person. They have hand sanitiser for us. I do wonder if it does anything, as covid is viral, not bacterial. 

I'm going through a phase of not giving a toss. I can't be bothered to worry about catching it, anymore. I am still washing hands and not touching my face, of course but just feel like I have to relax and be myself again. 

Guy and I have made plans to see each other again, using annual leave to create a 7 day gap before we each return to our job. It's still not ideal but it won't be a regular thing. We now have tests available as well, nearby, so we can drive and get tested before we go back, in case we are asymptomatic. 

Very few thoughts of gambling. The isolation is starting to get to me. Saw my friend from a distance yesterday and her dogs were so excited to see me. I couldn't touch them, though. 

Still a bit depressed, disconnected etc.

I'm really glad I can't gamble. Sign up to Gamstop, honestly, it is great at keeping you safe in your home.

Hope you feel better soon hun...reckon recent doom weather does not help much either..

Keep on holding on. You know where i am...

Blessings

S&B xx

Hiya.. Just following on from your thoughts about work. I think that society is a bit sick in terms of what is valued and what isn't, certainly when we think money and pay. Iv'e spent a life time working at the coal face doing what at times has been extremely emotionally and psychologically demanding work and for what??.. a minimum wage.

My point is this, when you are public facing, you have" little or no control" over your working life, you are presented with what you are presented with and you have to deal with it. Its like like you can't put your customer to oneside have a coffee and come back to them later when you feel in a better place. I think that when you climb the greasy pole, you may have more responsibility but you also have a greater sense of control as to how you exercise that responsibility. Its a different kind of stress but you have more control.

In an ideal world, this would be recognised and we would all be paid much the same so as to recognise the different but same stress that we are all put under at work. You can't remove yourself from the stress of a  difficult customer but like you say the manager can.

Also like you say, a part of me doesn't care if i get the virus, or only cares in the sense that i don't get sick pay. having said that I get through dozens of pairs of gloves per shift cos I don't want to give it to vulnerable people. Their is a fair chance that i would be asymptomatic.

Great stuff on signing up to gamstop.

S.A x