Going to keep this thread now!

Thanks SA you daft brush!

You are not patronising, what can you say? I'm going round in circles and it's my own fault.

I went into town today by myself and unsupervised with 20 english pounds. 12 went into the bank to stop me going over my overdraft limit, and 7 went on food. Came home with 84p. Bless! I really wanted to buy a big issue, but didn't have enough left - poor bloke everyone was walking past pretending they didn't see him, with their bags full of Christmas gifts. I will buy one off him tomorrow, I have been acting very spoiled lately. At least I have a beautiful home to go back to. All he had was invisible man syndrome.

Spiritually, Christmas has always really bothered me. You have to waste valuable money on buying people things that they probably don't want - just to save from hurting their feelings. I would just rather they had gone and bought all the big issues off the nearest vendor, than waste their money on weird tat that I neither want or need. I just find Christmas really twisted.

I always find the kindness uplifting, but the sheer waste just curls my toes. I'm a fine one to talk about bloody waste though, feeding them machines like a t*t.

Hello Freda.. its a daft brush just passing through 😉

I just give Big Issue people some money... I don't usually take the magazine, unless am about to go to a coffee shop or pub and need a prop.

Christmas will come and go soon enough... just take it all a day at a time. Cheers for now S.A 🙂

Thanks SA,

Some people get offended if you try and give them money without taking a mag mind - turns them into beggars instead of vendors. Wouldn't bother me like, but I always take one just incase.

Well am still off the old gambling, starting to get my confidence back regarding that. Sometimes its just really hard to get a few days clear for me. I should not gamble though eh, then I never have to try to get a few days clear ever again.

So far, not gambling for a few days has enabled me to buy a big issue and get hubby another little stocking filler. Money much better spent Im sure you will agree.

Onward and upward my friends!

and seasons greetings to yourself and hubby freda...give him that card back and 2011 really will be your year 😉 ...you may not get replies from certain diaries on the forum these days as,through internal issues i presume, they cannot now send messages through gamcare but can still recieve them...hope this helps 😉

Hi Freda.. thanks for your thoughts.. alas ive continued to apply for support work type jobs.. perhaps because its all i know. Time to try and step out of the comfort zone atleast as far as work goes. See what happens

Glad to hear your feeling stronger as far as the not gambling thing goes... like you say a few days clear usually gets one back in positive headspace. In some respects I think the reasons that we gamble are similar.. managing feelings and all that.. keep working at it.. S.A 🙂

Morning Freda,

Soz I haven't posted on your diary for some time. I always read what you are up to though....checking you out my friend!

I remember being in Manchester a few years ago with P at this time of the year......it was freezing cold and beginning to snow. There was this guy selling The Big Issue and I bought one. We went for a few drinks and when we came back he was still there.......I had a little chat with him and he said he needed to make his earnings up to £20 so he could pay for the shelter. I bought the last couple of big issues off him and gave him £20. He promised not to blow it on booze or drugs....guess i will never know whether he stuck to his word.......don't know why i'm telling you this hahaha.......just feels we are kindred spirits....Big issue and all.

Love to you......Jas xx

Thanks Jas,

It's funny how this time of year seems to P***k our conscience more....it certainly does for me. Not nice not having a home when it's -8 outside. We are so very lucky.

I'm a funny one you know, because although I believe in buying the Big Issue, I always ask for my change. Some vendor's are really confused by that, but I wouldn't buy a magazine at Tesco and tell the girl behind the till to keep the change. I'm very careful not to patronise the vendors, but a lot of them in my city seem to presume they can keep the change - wouldn't that be patronising them though? If it was £2 I would pay £2, but it's usually £1.70 so I ask for my 30p change. I guess you tell taxi drivers to keep the change.. Don't know why I started rambling on about that.

Anyway, day 5 for me, and gamble I shall not. Having a nice lazy day today, R is out with his mates. I could have gone, but just in the mood for huddling up with a book instead.

have a peaceful Christmas everyone, and roll on next week when life goes back to normal! ish!

Best wishes for a peaceful christmas.

Seano.

Hi Freda

Just wanted to wish you and R all the best for christmas and the new year Jeff.

Hey my girl, sorry for neglecting you. Should have popped in to your diary sooner. Thank you for writing in mine even with all your struggles. Luv ya. But that's it, isn't it. Much easier to read other peoples diaries and write on there, then to try and sort your own head out. I know. Have done it many times myself. This time of year is a sucker for compulsive gamblers. I smiled at your comment about people wasting money on Xmas presents. Wasn't that what you were trying to do by gambling? Raising money for presents? Or was that just an excuse in your head to go and have a gamble? Learn from your experience. Next time you feel like gambling talk to you hubby. Don't take the bank card if you can't deal with it. Take him shopping with you or get him to get the stuff you need. Make it safe for you. Most important thing is to talk about it. Share your thoughts, feelings and concerns. That is something I have learnt and I'm still practising. Lots of love and Hugs to you my girl, stay strong. xx

Yep, you got me totally right Sabine! I don't find it so obscene when I am wasting tens of pounds in the arcade. I can't really do much about Christmas coming around every year, but I can do something about the other waste of money in my life.

Glad to see that you have stayed gambling free over the festive period.

Although you do not find it obscene to throw money away at the arcade perhaps simply by reading your own words on this point when you get an urge in the future may well help you to feel that perhaps it is obscene and you would be so much better off both financially and otherwise if you did not do it.--just a thought.

All the best

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

Stumper x

Hi Freda.. just wanted to thank you for all your support this year. Happy new year to you.. S.A 🙂

All the best for 2011 Freda.

Seano.

Well, a positive start to the new year! I'm determined to make this a gamble-free one.

Bought myself some simple things in town today - new shoelaces, an £8 jumper in the sales, hitchcock dvd from a charity shop £1.50. This simple living is not so bad 🙂

I have ongoing mild depression, which I have improved from moderate to severe depression a couple of years ago. It seems to be dormant at the moment, after popping up for a week or 2 over the festive period. I am once again finding myself able to enjoy the 'little' things. Its much easier to live with mild depression, you just need to be patient and recognise when its about.