Going to keep this thread now!

I know what you mean about depression Freda-have struggled myself over the years inclding having to be hospitalised. I tend to think that we become our own worst enemies sometimes instead of being our own best friends. My son bought me a copy of the Saw Doctors live in Galway cd at Christmas. Contains a song called 'Same old Town'. You can find it on youtube if you want. The lyrics are about being bored but they have had a good positive effect on the way I have looked at things recently.

Glad to see that a simple shopping trip has brought a great deal of pleasure. Strange how we can find good when we are not really looking.

All the best

Stumper

My colleague is getting on my wick at the minute. I am feeling wound up in general, as she is very contrary and puts me down a lot. I am aware this frustration could be a trigger, so am very glad to have those lovely barriers in place.

Her behaviour is solely because she can. There is no-one else within earshot of us at work, and she is nice as pie when someone else is there.

But, there isn't much I can do about it. I accept that she has a domineering personality and has to feel she is 'top dog'. It is just an irritation.

I could go to hr complaining I am being bullied, but to date she has only said minor things (I'm still fairly certain she wouldn't have spoken to me that way had our boss been listening mind you!) and so it is a borderline thing.

I am just biding my time and looking for other jobs, and trying to let it all go over my head. Today for whatever reason, it has peed me off a bit and made me have a pain in the stomach. No massive catastrophe, but there it is.

Today I will not gamble.

I had to have words with somebody the other day who owes my daughter money and I felt sick after--I think some people do not get upset with anything that is done or said but others take things much more personal and let it worry them. I know I do.

Best thing is to try to ignore them--sticks and stones etc etc. I know it is hard but if they see it is affecting you then they may do it more--a bit like gambling really-it sees we have a weakness and keeps trying to have digs at us.

Best to ignore them and ignore gambling.

All the best

Stumper

Aw thanks stumper,

I'm fine I really am. I'm not blowing it out of proportion, but I just find it stressful having to be really forceful with people and get them to back off.

I'm not afraid to do it, it just makes me feel ill. I'm a really laid back person with 99% of people, but I hate bullies and refuse to be spoke to a certain way. It would make me feel worse if I didn't go 'excuse me, that's not acceptable!' Its not things I am misinterpreting - she called me a stupid idiot in front of someone yesterday!

Ah well, what can you do? some people will be d***s til the day they die! heh heh

Hey my girl

Minor things? stupid idiot?

I don't think so. Have you pointed out that language like that could land her with disciplinary actions? Especially if you have witnesses who have overheard this?

It is not a minor thing, Freda and you really need to get this logged with hr. It is quite rightly, unexceptable behaviour and you should not put up with it.

Hey girl, you want me to come over and have a word? I'll sort her out for you if you like, lol

But, seriously, go to hr and get these things logged and if you haven't got one already, then start a diary and write down all these things, including dates and times.

You are doing so well in your recovery and people like that can shake the confidence that has been built up. I'm so pleased that you stand up to her, but obviously she has taken no notice and thinks she can carry on. Maybe she thinks you wouldn't go to hr.

Bullying at the workplace is a sackable offence.

Sending lots of love and big (((((HUGS)))))

God Bless

Sabine xx

Its coming up for 2 weeks since my last bet. I had a binge between Christmas and New year that I didn't write about on here. I just felt for the first week or so, that I wanted to keep it positive.

Told hubby straight away of course, but was irritating myself that on my diary it was starting to sound like a broken record. Sounding like a broken record because of MY actions of course, my fault no-one else's.

Anyway, for some reason I'm starting to have little thoughts re gambling, but feel safe that I have very little money in my pocket, and am determined to knock any cravings into touch. I'm going to touch up some paintwork I did, to keep me busy tonight.

Hello Freda

Happy new year to you!!

Thanks for dropping in on my diary and thankyou for all your kindness and support throughout my journey.

Sure when the time is right you will *** this addiction for good, but i have so much respect for you and hope happiness follows you in abundance, hope you have good gamble free weekend!.

Your the star of gamcare - all the very best. ands xx

Hi Freda,

I really hope you don't give into your urges. I know it isn't easy, it's the hardest thing we will face in our lives probably but giving in is only going to have a negative impact on your life. Have you thought about handing all your money over to your partner I know this is extreme but if you are worried about your urges maybe this is the best course of action. I'm sure you know that you cannot win. Us gamblers are stuck in dreamland where we believe it could be us, but it never is and never will be. Keep thinking about how good you feel when you are free from gamlbing. There is a mind exercise that you can do when you have a strong urge which helps. I haven't tried it yet. Look it up online. All the best.

Thank you canterburymale and ands,

Wow, I never knew I was a star! lol.

I will resist the urges - i just didn't go back out yesterday. I needed to go to the post office, but recovery is more important. I suffer from mild depression, and sounds daft but its hard to resist urges on a down day because its uncomfortable. You feel really rubbish already and just want to do anything to alleviate the funk a little. I'm coming to learn that although succumming to the urges relieves THAT tension in THAT moment, but later you just feel worse!

I'm not using the depression as an excuse at all, I'm just saying that I'm understanding more everyday about what I need to do to stay away from gambling. About why I find myself craving on certain days. If you understand where it is coming from, its a start.

Onward and upward!

Hello again Freda,

Your point about depression. It's a fact that people who are stressed or depressed are most at risk of relapsing. I read this in a book recently. My last bet was because of this and to be honest depression is the main reason why i've been addcited for so long. When i realised this the first thing i did was to make an appointment with the doctor and get some help. We must overcome the depression if we have a great chance of beating this. I'm going to a group for depression and anxiety. But when i read about the link between depression and gambling i swore that the next time i was down that i woul do anything but gamble. I felt that i was being a but immature in saying to myself sod it i'm fed up so i'm going to gamble. If we keep giving in it will ruin us. I wish you well.

Hi Freda... yes its official that your a star! .. the notification came through today 😉

From a fellow mild depression and anxiety sufferer, I of course I relate to everything you and other posters to your diary say.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you say about the gambling lifting the mood in the moment only later to be followed by a more intense feeling of depression and general miserableness and worry about money lost.

The fact that you come and write about gambling episodes demonstrates that you are working at recovery.. hence the offical notification of being a star!! 😉

thanks dudes!

I agree that management of my depression is a priority. But I think I am doing a lot to help myself already on that front. I have been taking medication for over 10 years now, but 2 years ago I reluctantly agreed to double my dosage at the recommendation of my fab gp. I don't think medication is the best answer, but I had to admit that I had left myself too long and the situation was so severe it was necessary.

She finally got it through my head that I am very tough when I am not as ill, and I had used Valium for 10 years on and off because I always toughed it out without it when I was slipping toward daily usage. This shows that I can wean myself off some very addictive meds when I need to. She said its rare for someone to use it on and off for 10 years without becoming long term dependent, but I have only had 1 in the last 8 months or so (when you consider that included getting married and moving house!) so I can get off the anti d's when the time is right.

I also take Buddhism classes from a monk in the next city, and take regular cardio exercise to help manage my mood. I eat a healthy diet with a few naughty exception, never exceed the recommended alcohol intake, and even eat oily fish and take B vitamins to support my brain and nervous system. Unfortunately, I am still left with mild depression. Sometimes there is no magic wand - but I've significantly improved my condition and that is possibly all I can do.

I haven't succumed to urges, despite being extremely upset yesterday due to family issues.

I can do this!

Speaking of mild depression - Monday morning, ugh!

Glad to see you managed to come off the anti-d's Freda. About 12 years ago I was hospialised with severe depression etc and ended up not working for about 7 months or so. We eventually lost our house because of the fact we had no money coming in. The government gave me £2.75 a week while in hospital and I had no savings because of my gambling. At the time I was put on anti-d's and had to go to see the head doctor in an outpatient capacity for many months. The doctors were hopeless in the main and did not listen to what I said. One even asked me if I was keeping myself busy and I told him I abseiled from my roof every night. He said good!! They always kept you waiting for appointments and one day after waiting well in excess of a couple of hours I walked up to the desk and said that I was going now as I was cured. Thanked them for their time and walked out. I am only saying this to say that I truly believe like compulsive gambling, with depression there are loads of pills etc that they can give us to help but at the end of the day, to move forward positively it has to come from within. By the way although I still get down easily I have never taken another pill for it since. Like rushing to gamble to 'solve' our problems, rushing to pills only has a temporary effevt in my opinion and in fact just makes things worse in the long term.

The moral of the story--cut out the pills and cut out the gambling = a better future for us all.

All the best

Stumper x

thanks stumper,

with respect i disagree 🙂 im glad you don't need anti-d's but I do, and theres nowt wrong with that. Psychiatrists are starting to recommend that if you have more than 2 incidents of moderate to severe depression within the space of a few years, you may need to take medication long term - in a similar way to if your thyroid gland doesn't work you can't just stop your thyroxin.

However each to their own.

I'm really upset because I just had the rudest, repair men in my home refusing to acknowledge that I had every right to complain about something. It got me so angry and frustrated. I was really polite and respectful, and they just weren't going to acknowledge any accountability. I really hope I'm brave enough to calmly tell them that I was very disappointed and upset that they didn't even feel it necessary to apologise for selling me a washing machine that had not been properly cleaned, and that I found it extremely disrespectful and will have no future business with them.

That's what gets me the most frustrated - that I know I have every right to say that, and that I am in the right, but I will possibly feel too intimidated to stand up to them. If I can't pluck up the courage to say it to their faces, I will write a letter because I deserve to tell them how I feel. I won't swear, I won't exaggerate and I won't threaten. I will just explain that their behaviour was unacceptable to me.

I also resent stupid things like this ruining a perfectly good day, because it didn't have to be that way you know? all they had to do was acknowledge that they should have cleaned this compartment before selling it. Anyway, I've had a good cry and got my frustration out, I won't let it spoil the rest of my day. It's just annoying when something preventable gets you really upset when life is hard enough, I have plenty of real problems to cry about, and could have done without being disrespected so badly.