Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda,

Thanks for the support on my diary. I completely understand why you stopped posting, to be honest it would have been pointless as I wasn't listening to anyone. But thats changed now 🙂 And I appreciate all the support you have given me.

Understand about the traffic jams too, on my way back from Devon I'd did 4 hours driving, got within 15 minutes of home and got stuck 2 1/2 hours. Absolute nightmare!

And I also didn't have the strength to go in bookies and self exclude alone. Ended up taking a friend with me on my 4th attempt as the previous 3 attempts had cost me over a grand. I had exactly the same train of thought of 'oh f**k it' that you are concerned about. So taking hubby with you is the sensible decision.

Hope you are feeling better today 🙂

Take care

Just need a little rant.

Thanks Dave btw

I go into work yesterday and get told my manager needs to have a word with me away from the shop floor. Oh mint.

An hour later, I feel totally sick, my stomach is in knots, and I'm shaking. She finally comes to get me.

I get taken into this room, and told that having 2 days sickness absence in my first few weeks is unacceptable and they would like to offer me my weeks notice w*f??? I burst into tears and said I couldn't believe it. No one wants to have absence when they start a new job, but you can't schedule when you are going to be ill! I said "so thats it? I don't even get a chance to improve my attendence?" I have been there 3 weeks. Anyway, after explaining that I get anxiety when I start a new job because I don't have great confidence, and it always settles down after a few weeks, they agreed to start afresh with me. I just feel 10 times more anxious now though. I know its an employers market right now, but I have never known a company so trigger happy. They were saying you should have mentioned your anxiety to us straight away, we are not a company who discriminates against these things, we are here to support you.....from the same people who fire people on a whim.

When I got back on the shop floor and was clearly in shock, all the stories came out from my colleagues - how they are really nasty here, and fired a girl for insisting that she could keep checking her phone in the stock cupboard because her father was dying, they apparently said switch it off or get out! they ended up having to apologise to her when her father died a few days later.

These are the people I am working for, with anxiety issues myself. I give it a week....

FFS I'm an honest person, who just wants to be given a chance, and now I feel worse and more anxious than ever.

oh freda, that sounds like a dreadful situation to find yourself in, and can understand that your anxiety has now grown another layer to it.

however, to positively reframe it for you?

you have identified and named the demon here. you have a clearer idea of where you are in your own process, and have an understanding of your actions and reactions.

on that basis, you are in a much stronger position to nip those anxiety feelings in the bud.

so, can imagine something like this for you

you wake up in the morning, you can feel your tummy turning, and think oh s**t i have to go into work.

those feelings continue, and begin to grow arms and legs for you, and by the time you get into work your whole body is physically reacting, and your brain in turmoil. this continues throughout the day, and you find that your concentration for your job is totally shot, and you make mistakes which could call your job into question.

another little part of you is only wanting to do the best that you can, and you cant understand why you are acting in that way, and so you could feel confused.

build on top of that, it sounds like you are in a mainly female environment, and that in itself carries its own stresses.

so freda, my suggestion for you at the moment is to tackle this at the root. that might be when you get out of bed.

suggesting a visualisation for you. suggest that you find a couple of moments in the morning, or when you first become aware of those anxiety feelings, and settle yourself down and focus on your breathing. when you have managed to get control of your breath visualise yourself going into work in a positive frame of mind, visualise yourself being in a position of control at work, and see youreslf interacting with your colleagues calmly and postiively.

if you can stick with this kind of process, what you will find is that the mindset becomes you.

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/podcasts/

have a look at this link. it has a few breathing exercises on it. this is a website that we use a lot at work, and many of our service users really have used many of the pod casts to help them relax.

also suggest that you ahve a look at this website

http://www.nopanic.org.uk/

they have good resources to help deal with anxiety, and they also have a telephone helpline. thinking tthat if you could phone them before you go to work, it might set you up with some positive thoughts?

thinking of you - i can hear that you are not in a good place, but stick with it, this job means so much to you.

love

rusty

xx

Interesting conversation I have just had with hr, apparently what happened last night was not following company procedures, and I am within my rights to ring and complain if it happens again. This time I will also have a witness of course, as advised.

Thanks Rusty, what a lovely post.

The job is actually a s**t one, that I don't even want long term, but nor do I want to be bullied out of it without any notice.

From what I have heard about how colleagues are treated, it is not a nice environment. Quite the opposite, so I want to get out as soon as possible.

i hear that freda, but also suggesting that you tackle and control that anxiety in that S***e environment.

really thinking about references for you!

love

rusty

xx

Have spoken to my old employer today, and they will have me back without question, so hopefully won't be a problem. To be honest, if they write a reference saying they fired me after 3 weeks for poor attendence of 2 missed days, would think it's fairly obvious they are not very reasonable people.

I hear you though, going to try and kiss a*s for a couple of weeks until I get confirmation of other job.

Hi Freda... sorry to hear about what your employer tried to do. Like hr said they can't just fire you on the spot without a very good reason. You probably have a manager that isn't very experienced and doesn't know the procedures. Its not like you just didn't show up without contacting them.

It gets me thinking that my employer who i'd heard many a horror story about has actually been reasonable with me and have followed procedure.. and I was off sick for 5 straight weeks and was even encouraging them to let me go.

Anyway thoughts are with you.. not the most pleasant of experinces to have to endure. Take care... S.A

Thanks SA,

I agree that despite their faults, on that score your employer are pretty decent.

Well I went into work and tried to suck it up and get on with it last night. I just felt riddled with anxiety and anger. Although it was a relief to hear that I should not have been treated that way, it made me angry to realise they had done a wrong and nasty thing to me. I already had my notice prepared in my bag, and halfway through the shift I handed it in. The manager who had tried to fire me the previous night asked did I want to try a bit longer and see how I feel? but I explained that I know myself really well in that respect, and that after the previous nights events I no longer felt comfortable here. I also mentioned that hr had been rather confused about the procedures that had been used the previous night, and her face went like stone and she barked "all procedures were followed according to company guidelines" I just said "ok" there is little point arguing.

I know in an ideal world I would stick it out for financial reasons, but I have cried every day for 3 weeks now, and lost half a stone. Ironically, I was just starting to feel on top of things and had built up my confidence, but then they went and did that.

Life is too short. I hope to evolve into a person who can take the cool calm approach, but I am where I am today, and there are reasons for that. I did my best, and at least I got the opportunity to give my notice without being fired. I am very blessed to have a wonderful ex boss who was genuinely pleased to hear from me, and knows that I am a great employee. Whatever happens, I will have a job again in 6 weeks time.

Great to hear that you will have your old job back soon and that there are lovely bosses around who are human beings.

Try and not get stressed about your unfortunate experience. They, as well as our gambling demons, are just not worth worrying about.

GT

Thanks GT

Day 16 and looking forward to a self exclusion frenzy tomorrow morning! I'm doing it on my day off, as I don't know how stressful I will find it.

Am very run down, and am coming down with something. Was great to phone in sick yesterday and put my own health first. There was no way I was in any fit state, anyway. I was in tears all morning at the thought of going in. I felt like my old self again last night, and it was the calmest and happiest I have felt in ages.

Turns out one of the supervisors has a history of anxiety and depression too, and said she wishes she had known as she would have taken me under her wing and got me through. Just such a shame they gave me such a nasty and probably barely legal shock on Monday, as I had reached the point where I felt I could cope. She agrees that it is not a good environment for a lot of people, and was happy for me that I got my old job back.

Gonna go in today, and just try. They know now why I'm not exactly comfortable there, I might as well take their money for another week. Day off tomorrow, so gonna pop some meds and get on with it. It will get harder and harder to go back the longer I leave it.

Wow, what a different place that store is, when both managers are not in!

Yesterday went really well, considering. They put me on the quietest job in the department, which was sweet, but I ended up asking if I could work between 2 areas as I was a bit bored. People kept checking in with me that I was ok, but just let me get on with things. I'm very proud of myself, because it was not easy to go in. I am going to work the weekend too, as it would be good to earn a few more pennies before I leave.

Me and my husband have both noticed that I am a completely different woman since I handed in my notice. He says its nice to have his wife back. I know financially and strategically it would have been better, to hide my feelings and keep taking the wage - but at what cost?

I don't follow a traditional western belief system, and I live with daily awareness of the unpredictability of death. Sounds a bit grim that, but actually it helps you to make the most of your life, and not waste time and energy on pointless things. If this was the last month of my life, would it have been a worthwhile thing to waste it being miserable, only to have maybe 3 hundred extra pounds in my bank account that they don't accept as legal tender in the afterlife?

I'm rambling now. Point is, did the right thing, smile returned, no one died 🙂

I am very very proud of myself. I self excluded from 2 arcades today 🙂

There is another one I need to go to tomorrow, but to be honest, I was too stressed. The first one I went to, the area manager tried to talk me into 'reconsidering' if I need to self exclude. He said I should talk to gamcare about ways of staying in control. I told him in no uncertain terms that I had a lot of contact with gamcare, and I have tried unsuccessfully for almost 2 years to stay in control. I said it is my right to self exclude - are you refusing me that right? good then let me get on with it.

I found this experience very anxiety provoking, but stood my ground. I was wiped out with anxiety though, so only did one more (they were lovely, and did the right thing without discouraging me).

And a huge well done to you! Especially as one of them tried to get you to reconsider, how disgusting! It just shows how evil this gambling world is.

But you prevailed and I am sure that you must have felt on top of the world when you closed the doors behind you.

Keep it up!

GT

Went with my hubby this morning to ask to self exclude from another arcade. They refused, as they said they had a nominated manager who dealt with all of that, and she is not in until Monday. They also said that they had company procedures they had to follow, so on Monday, I may be sent away for a 24 hour cooling off period. This is disgusting. Don't even know if its legal for them to insist on this.

Thing is, what if this manager phones in sick all of next week. Then whenever I go to try and speak to her she isn't there? This is what makes me think they are trying to make it really hard for me.

Anyone know where I can find out my rights regarding self exclusion?