I'm not sure if this will make any sense to anyone else. Not sure if it makes sense to me.
It took me 2 months of recovery to start the 12 steps. Like with hundreds of thousands before me, my sponsor asked me to start a routine. Each morning, wake up, meditate, say my prayer and write a gratitude list of ten things I am grateful for. Just before bed, to complete an inventory of the day to see if I acted in a good way. He said to me that these need to be done as advised, not under Stuart's thinking or missing bits, changing times etc.
I took this at face value for what it was and the suggestions worked more and more each day. I may be the only stupid person in the world but I didn't realise it was creating a daily routine. During recovery I had noted that when I did a list of each of the next seven days and wrote on there appointments and things I needed to get done, having that routine really worked. Still took me a few months to adopt that process and acknowledge how much it was helping me.
This last week I reflected back to my gambling. Yes it was chaos but some how I functioned. I would wake up at a ridiculously early hour after three hours sleep, play slots for an hour before placing my bets for the day. Get my children ready for school. Do the drop offs and go to work. Finish work and dash home. Continue to work whilst playing slots. Finish work and continue with slots. I would even fall asleep still pressing the button on my phone. So as bad as it sounds I had a routine repeated every day like ground hog day.
How did I think I would replace being in action with a routine with recovery without a routine ?
Having a routine now, is like groundhog day because each day I learn a bit more.
Love this post really resonated with me everything you said. How long do you meditate for in a morning? I’m going to implement that -and the gratitude list but also really loved the task at the end of the day of taking inventory really love that!
Hi Hopeful
If you go on YouTube and type in guided meditation there are all different ones. I use the five minutes one on the get Evive gambling recovery app because it's set by the sea so is reminiscent for me as I spent many years living by the sea but not anymore.
I just put my headphones in and do what she tells me to. A bit like my home life lol
This is a tough one for me, the reality is I'm not a religious person, don't buy into the higher power perspective, however I know for many people it works wonders, routine is routine though and mine hasn't really changed in honesty and while that sounds daft at face value my routine is the same wake up with the boys around 4:30-5am do breakfast, get them ready for the day, scroll on my phone, either go to work or stay home with the boys depending on the day, lunch, dinner, tidy up and chill out the usual dad/work life. But look deeper at its wildly different wake up same time, get the boys a proper cooked breakfast and snack, put on the TV with some kinda easy to watch film or kids programme, play a game on my phone while they eat and watch TV, that used to be gamble starting for the day but now I'm more present and caring for the boys, then If I'm working I park further away and walk in listening to jelly roll iykyk. Sort work for the day no breaks, no fake bathroom breaks, no gambling and not focusing on my job. Then hometime, spend some time with the wife and enjoy the downtime if the boys are around, tidy up the house and write my list of chores for following day then into bed and more games while I get sleepy.
Don't you just love that you still have that routine mate ?
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