groundhog day

It can take time to get to a point where you are able to stop Mark.

My experience is there are 3 stages:

I want to stop

I need to stop

I can live without it

you are on stage 1 or 2, during which you will have clean periods but you will go back to it unless you address the reason you keep doing it. Only then will you gain the mindset of stage 3 - being able to live without it. Even at that point you will still get urges but you will be able to resist them.

Took me 6 years to go through the cycle using counselling, self exclusion, reading books and making use of this Forum. I had a very deep rooted problem over 20 years, hope you can deal with it quicker.

Problem and compulsive gamblers gamble to escape real life and fill a void in their life. From what you describe your life is ok but there is something missing. Not to say the something missing is your fault. Maybe you know what it is already, maybe you need to analyse more to find out. Until you find out you will not be able to fully move forward and live without gambling completely.

There is much help on here, make best use of it but don't follow one individual, be your own man and do what is best for YOU. Prepare for setbacks they are a natural part of the journey. Don't be put off by those who look down on you for having a setback. Two steps forward and one back is ok.

Best wishes

mark

fella there is honesty in your post,from that take strength, the bottom line is you went a week without gambling,you can go further.

Why did you go back at it today??

did you think you could win??

think you were cured??

think you had control of your gambling??

All of those things happened to me in a repeated cycle for twenty plus years.

I carried out the same thing over and over expected the outcome to be different

the mantra I lived all the time I was active

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.

My advice give recovery a chance,get some blocks in place to help you decide rationally how to deal with your gambling.

Take all the help out there,there is a wealth of it.

Embrace recovery,accept your losses and move forward.

My advice the advice that gifted to me on my first days recovery that still works for me today

There is a triangle

Time-money-location

take at least one away at all times and the punt becomes impossible,gifting your rational mind time to think,time to decide whether gambling is a good idea.

For me I accept gambling beat me,broke me,you have to decide what gambling does for you.

Not everyone is the same,recovery is a bespoke journey were the only important thing is what is the end result for you.

A fella said it takes 21 days to break a habit,then a lifetime to fight addiction,that I believe true,there is no cure,no medicine

there is a re-education of the mind,behavior and through this the mantra I lived is turned upside down

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP.

I wish you well in making the right choice for you

Duncs stepping forward never back

Duncan/Captain,

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply. Great points made by both which fully resonate with me and describe me perfectly. Yes, I think there is something missing for me and have thought that for a long time but like you say identifying what that is is the difficult part.

my story is I guess similar to many: used to enjoy a bet responsibly and in control but then started to chase and the spiral began. I always start with a certain type of bet but once I start chasing anything goes and the random bets take over.

I mainly bet on the internet and am self excluded from more sites than I can remember, the problem is when the urge strikes there's always a new company to take my cash. I have blocking software on my pc but mainly

gamble on my phone - can I block sites in android? I have also blocked access to most sources of cash and credit but my worry is that when that hugely powerful urge strikes il find a way.

my main concerns moving forward are the start of the new football season and also complacency.

I am 100% committed to recovery and am going to take all ideas on board to find the best plan for me. I appreciate now that this will be a lifelong struggle - but think my weak personality and 'you only live once' outlook on life mean further problems lie ahead.

thanks again guys, strength to all.

Mark

Well tomorrow will be my day one, if indeed counting days proves to be the way for me. I wont gamble tomorrow though, having minus 13k and the guilt of it being my boys 3rd birthday should see to that. I am terrified though of the road ahead, the fact that I can get on a run and then one day can undo it all. Like captain said, identifying the underlying cause/issue is the main challenge.

But I step onto the road tentatively yet wholly committed.

Well halfway through day one and no compulsion to go to the well thus far, driven by the guilt of not being able to buy my boy any real presents for his birthday tomorrow because daddy gambled it all away yet again because he's weak and has no backbone or moral fibre.

I'm confident I'll get through the next few days because two of my main triggers are not around-the lack of football taking place and the fact I'm not at work. When I go back on duty I step back into the ultimate lad/gambling culture-where I am a minor celebrity for the amounts I gamble (and invariably lose), a role that is sad and pathetic but is one that defines me at work. I have to find a way to leave that behind but don't know how to.

Mark

Fella for my own recovery the answer came through me being honest,I have been upfront with everyone,from my bank manager to my boss,yes at times it has been uncomfortable,yes at times they have looked to lock away the silver so to speak,thinking I may use it I guess to fund my gambling!!

But the truth is most of the folk I have known for a while all knew I was out of control,that through addiction I acted like 'charlie big potatoes' in truth inside I was dead,just a functioning addict.

Through recovery I have used whatever I can to get the upper hand on addiction,no more hiding in the shadows,yes a few of my colleagues have the odd joke at my expense but the truth of that is it gifts my resolve,I can see today in black and white what gambling gifted my life

The sum total of twenty years relentless gambling amounts to nothing to boast about.

In the future you will be offering yourself the ability to make amends for the actions of your gambling,for me that comes in many forms.

There is for me a bigger picture to look at,fella the canvas is blank,enjoy painting it.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi

Couple of things, if you stay with recovery every other birthday your child will have will be a 100 times better. Not because of presents but because your there 100%. I have noticed this more that anything I have two small children who adore there gamble free dad. I actually never bothered to notice there moods while I was gambling I guess it was the same as now but I honestly don't know. Just work on being gamble free and take it from there.

Michael

Duncan/Michael,

Thank you ffor the replies. Duncan, the line about being dead inside hit me hard because that describes me perfectly. The only time my emotions have shown in recent times have been as a result of gambling. I need to strip that away and get back to really feeling and living again.

Michael, yes there is no greater incentive for me than to do this for my son and new baby. My son is three and I have been compulsive gambling for the entirety of his life, he deserves so much more than that. This has the feeling of a last resort for me- I need to get to a better place quickly.

Yes mate thank you that's a good idea, I have self excluded, will change my phone and have cut off access to all but the most necessary amounts of cash.

I have spent the day doing a bit of soul searching around the underlying reasons for being an out of control gambler. My starter for ten is that despite putting on a convincing facade I have extremely low self esteem, mainly due to always being the best at school, college and uni and then massively under achieving in life and watching almost all my peers sail past me. Gambling is, was my escape. Maybe is some way I thought I could win my way level with everyone else, how wrong can you be.

The irony is that a couple of years ago my brother in law, who I dont particularly get on with, fell victim to compulsive gambling in a big way and I took great delight in taking the moral high ground within the family. What an arrogant idiot that two years later the same and worse has happened to me.

Hi mark, fella you seem to be in a place I was before I started to quit. You may not truly want to quit as it is sometimes an activity that gives you a bit of excitement in your life. I was in denial for a while that I wanted to quit, but then numerous relapses and it actually clicked that despite the joy it can bring there is always disappointment to follow. Always! Even though I would have a good spell every now and then my bank balance was never improving and suddenly huge losses would be crippling causing depression, panic and lack of enjoyment in my life. Only 25 days in on my latest effort and I am feeling great. Hope you will too.

Hi Mate,

I have been coming here a while, several relapses on the way.

Ist point....You have to want to stop.

Lets think about it eh.....Why the hell would you want to give loads of money to someone for nothing in return...cos lets face it thats what a compulsive gambler does......You aint gonna cash the money in...it's goona be the stake for the next bet.

Believe in yourself and the power you have inside...you can do this mate........Rooting for you.

Womble xx

Thank you both for your thoughts and support. Its definitely right about missing that buzz, I have to get to that point where when the urges come I can tune my mind to remember the feelings of abject misery and despair that follow as a matter of course.

Only my second day gamble free and no urges but I knew there wouldn't be because I have zero money and hopefully have put enough blocks in place to cut off any credit. I need to be in a much stronger place before the football season starts, and by then I will have built up a bit of money. Ive probably had a football bet most days in the last 15 years and need to find a way to watch and enjoy the game I love without taking a monetary interest.

But the message of 'I have to want to quit' is paramount, I know I need to.

Thanks again for your support, onwards and upwards.

Hi mark,thanks for your kind words on my page.i have a wife,girl at 3 years old and a baby at 10 weeks old.i told myself that when the baby comes along I will stop but found myself doing night feeds with him in 1 hand and gambling on my phone with the other.its so hard but the latest loss for me is the final straw.i will keep an aye on your diary and really hope together we can get to xmas bet free.wish u all the best mate take care and dont have a bet because we can never win because we can never stop.:-(

Scottyboy

Thank you Scott. Yes I can identify with that, I have a three year old and another on the way. Now is the time to confront this, we can do it. I want to give my kids the best possible chance in life and need to stop now to have a chance of that happening. I have even stooped as low as gambling all the money from my son's savings account, how wrong is that?

Only day three for me but already feeling more positive. Looking back only as far as sunday I was staking hundreds on russian under 23 womens basketball- w*f??! Part of my problem is that there is a gambling culture at work which I have always been in the middle of-that has to stop.

I read somewhere on here that only 3 in 100 people that try to abstain make it to a year with slip ups, I am so weak willed that I have never overcome odds like that in any aspect of my life, so can I break the trend now? I simply have to.