HARMONY !

Hi Shiny and thanks for your support. Looks to me like your doing fantastically well under stressful circumstances.. well done! keep going as you are and am sure your life situation will settle and improve with time and patience. Thanks again and warm regards... S.A 🙂

Yo,

Tough day today , but got through it .

One day at time , feels very apt , not on the gambling front , just all the rest .

Sure a good night sleep , will recharge my batteries and give me that little bit extra I need to get through what ever tomorrows brings .

Shiny xx

Morning shiny

Using all that knowledge thats installed in ur brain is only goin to help u get through this , applying the one day at a time rule is sometimes we can all do esp when the danger signs are there , so proud of how ur openin up and getting those feelings out and writing them down

Jess is in to Saturday night takeaway and the cube at the moment and is really looking forward to bgt next week , on that note can't believe its a year since we were last talking bout it ! , the voice just does not do it for me , jess has recorded last nights episode and wants to watch it , I will watch it with her but unless there has been some major changeg to it I won't be bothered , like u though its all bout bonding and spending quality time with them

Look after urself thoughts are always with u

Castle2

Whatever life throws at you, however tough it seems you will find a way to cope because you're not the person you once was. I'm sorry to read about your father, I'm glad though that you decided to look after him. It'll be, as I'm sure you're aware, emotional, but as I related to Chicagoguy earlier because I went through a similar experience, it won't all be bad, in the sense that you're doing the right and courageous thing, something which will give you solace at a later date. I looked after my Dad for the final 2 months, 15 years ago. It really was tough emotionally but it gave us both a time to grieve and say our goodbyes, I'd do it all again for amidst the pain there are many precious moments. Afterwards you feel empty, relieved, thankful it's all over for all concerned. You'll be a different person, stronger, more aware. Or at least this is how the experience left me.

I've not kept up totally with everyone's diary on this site these past few months so forgive me if I've misinterpreted anything. Reading between the lines I guessing you've had to, for the sake of your own sanity, made some life changing decisions lately. You've decided to leave your husband and get rid of the business. Well, good luck to you. It's your life, the children are old enough to understand and besides you can't keep giving yourself endlessly for the comfort of others, that's no way to live, to grow. If you're in a depressive situation then you will always be depressed, the doctor can always give you a pill to paper over the cracks but its always best, I feel, to change the situation. Requires courages and belief though but as I said earlier, I'm sure you can cope and I believe in you.

Of course you're not going to gamble, you're facing things now, more aware of the reality connected with gambling. Whatever life throws at you you'll handle.

Take care

Steve

Yo,

Thank you Castle and Steve , you do not know how much your posts have lifted my spirits .xx

Once again really related to Judy's post . These are my thoughts after reading it

I believe for me , the first most important step was to forgive myself . For years I believed I was not worthy to walk in the same footsteps or breath the same air as the rest of the world .

I believed that I was a broken person , who could not be fixed . Did I gamble to punish myself , or drink or eat , knowing that all these things without a stop button would be done without any measure of control .maybe , and in one way or another would harm me .But being me meant in my warpedmind that i really did not matter . Self harm comes to mind . I could care for the everyone in my life and go well over board doing it . But I was at the bottom of the list and at time thought that that was what I deserved .

So how do I see myself now , as being different from your average Joe but that's ok . Once I came to that convulsion , I was able to forgive myself and accept me as me .

From there forgiving others became easier .

Inspired again !

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Hi Shiny,

Glad to hear that you are feeling inspired again hun! ;0)

I am trying to get back to the positivity levels I experienced just under a year ago when I was immersed in being Showerman!! That alterego of mine seems distant, and as though it were someone else in many ways.

But I do know I can feel that good again, with the right attitude, and with feeling good about myself in general.

So I really relate to your last post about:

For years I believed I was not worthy to walk in the same footsteps or breath the same air as the rest of the world .

We can get back to the summit and we can achieve what we want.

Keep strong and keep inspiring people on here girl!

Much love

MW x

Yo,

Just touching base ,

All ok , could do with 12 more hours in a day , but couldn't we all lol

Staying strong , dealing with ,then batting problems as they arise into the abyss . Do not seem to be obsessively worrying which after 52 years and at least 10 Olympic gold medals in that particular event lol, can only be a good thing .

Laters

Shiny xxxxxxxx

thx for your comments Shiny ...just what i needed.

great to see you still in there fighting

paul

Yo,

Just wanted to say tonight I am angry .

My anger stems from being a compulsive addict .

I have not gambled , but can feel my other addictions getting out of hand .

I know what I need to do , but honestly life feels like a circle of foooooooking addictions .

Just sounding off , not looking for a reply .

Thought if others felt like that some times , by writing it they will see that there are many of us is that particular gang .

Shiny xxxxxx

Yo miss shiny pants,

I get the anger, I've been advised to throw tantrums lol. Fancy joining me. I am going to stamp my feet and swceem and swceem until I'm sick lol.

I think I give up, going to curl up in a little ball and shut out the world, just for tonight anyway

Chin up shiny, I am telling myself things can only get better.

Take care

Blondie xxxxxxx

lol yeah i reckon we would BUT.. What would we get arrested for thats the question lol ?

I once nearly got arrested for taking without permission a life size cardboard cut out of Lenny henry..... lol...... Dont even ask why ? lol

xxxxxxxxxx

Shiny,

I feel your pain. I have not had a very good day. Found out at work that there will be some redundancies. The announcement will be made next week and eventually I will decide who goes and who stays. Although I don't want to smoke I found myself wanting to want one if this makes sense. I wanted to have that feeling of dying for a cig so that I could have one, which I thought would make myself feel better at that time. I was never going to smoke so instead I have consumed about ten thousand calories of rubbish today, which hasn't made me feel any better only worse. If its not gambling its smoking or both and if its neither then its eating compulsively. Why oh why oh why.

Keep your chin up. Things will get better.

Tomso.

Hey shiny ..

You know I will encourage expression of that anger,....also understand the cycle of uppers and downers ...I know your not alone ...just human ..and thats ok

Xx

Hi Shiny,

Just one of the gang stopping by to say Me too. Me three. Me four.. Standing right along side of you. But, we are making progress a little bit every day. Keep the faith my twinny. I do believe we might have been separated at birth.. 😉 -joanxxxxxxxxx

Hi everybody. I read this with much interest. I already know what's going on in my good friend's head. I currently spend most of my spare time helping others through their addictions. I enjoy it immensely. I love learning, I love reading, I love meeting new people and offering them advice. One of the reasons I love it so much is a genuine need to help and care. Another reason, rather worryingly is I do it so I don't have to think about my own issues.

Staying ultimately busy to the point where I cannot give any more seems like the only way forward for me. It's always been all or nothing.

My addictions, gambling - I have been in maintenance for almost a year now. Other addictions -

Food - overeat regularly but currently dieting. One problem with food. Abstain and die.

Alcohol has slowly crept back into my life, enough to be a problem. I have slowed down a lot in recent weeks.

s*x - I just love to be loved. Well why wouldn't I. Women keep throwing themselves at me recently. No excuse! I have been unfaithful. I am ashamed. It's over now.No more.

Drugs- not for a number of years except one dabble when drunk. I am ashamed again. It's over.

Perhaps I should start smoking again lol. Quit six years ago.

I do have some positive addictions. These are where we find our answers people. To become obsessed with things that don't damage us. That's ok. A time comes when you have to accept that you're an addict and drop the guilt and shame and move forward with confidence and without fear.

Shiny and I understand each other's disease. We are very good friends. From reading the posts here today, we are all in the same boat. I understand the big picture.

I am tonight really considering coming back to the site. I just got fed up with people going on about not gambling today. Not to belittle it. It's just a much bigger picture than that. I need to know that people will read and listen. Selfish, yes it is.

I first became aware I was an addict at 14.

33 years later I am still fighting. I can let you in on my knowledge and methods. The rest is up to you!

Sorry to hijack your thread for this mammoth post Shiny. Delete it if you wish. I will post something in the next few days on a new or my old diary, not sure which.I think it will be most valuable to all. I will judge it on how many people reply as to whether I do any more. If you're like me then I hope you can let me know. Thanks for reading. Sorry again Shiny.

Sorry everyone.

Ian.