HARMONY !

Got through it Shiny, you would have been proud of me. Hope you're all ok.

Steve

Hey,

It's been a while! Desperately been searching for my middle ground and kinda lost the plot a couple of times along the way.

Lovely for me to read your diary and see you have the frame of mind to tackle problems. Yes things are not ideal but with strength and a few laughs along the way you and dad will certainly find the answers. Many more happy memories to make, amen to that!

Flagg

Yo,

Thank you for your posts guys 😉

Today I go back to work . My brother moved in yesterday which will mean dad will have someone with him 24/7 .

Has taken the pressure off , and also going back to work will give me the time out I need .

A few urges this week, but I get why . My mind trying to convince me I deserve the break and the reward .

But thats our addiction for you , it notices a tiny *** of opportunity and if your pardon the expression Bingo . It will try to entice you back in . Just a tenner , just ten minutes . You can afford it . Blah Blah Blah .

You've all been there , for a length of a heart beat you actually consider it . For the length of a heart beat you forget the hell it brought you .

But I can see through all that smoke and mirrors . I know that I am very vulnerable at the moment .

I can not stop the urges , they will be with for life , an unwanted thorn in my side . Will I act on them , not today thank you very much !

Have a good weekend everyone , another back holiday , so more rain no doubt .

Shiny xxxxxx

Morning shiny

Hope the dentist visit went ok dont think they are anyone's favourite places ! A real educational knowledgeable post there highlighting everything and exactly how it is for us all , it always interests me on here with the mixed views of whether gambling can be beaten some write saying they can beat this and they truly believe they can , others like myself think it can't be beaten but can only make sure it doesn't beat us , it just shows this is all in our heads mentally , physically we can feed the addiction but physically we can't stop we could never stop pressing that button for that one last spin or putting that next note in the machine writing that bet out , understanding this addiction and knowing the signs and finding the strength to say no is all we can do

Whether we beat or dont beat it will remain to be seen , all we do agree on life is a much better place without gambling in it

Really pleased that ur brother is helping out and giving u that deserved rest bite , it will give u chance to think bout urself and more importantly keep making the right decisions in life , and wow u av made some big ones recently and all the right ones

So proud of u in so many ways we use the word inspire many times on here and on all levels u do that , one day I'm down on my knees then reading ur diary and a post from u and I'm right back on track

Thank u doesn't seem enough

Castle2

Hi Ya Shiny,

So happy to see you in fine form these days. I also want to take a moment to thank you for all of your support. It really means alot. Have a great weekend! -joanxxxxx

hahah. loved the picture, i can see me and joan wheeling round in our darlek outfits exterminating eveything in site.

So glad to see that you have again restored some balance into your life and can go back to work knowing your dad has some more help and support.

I so admire your strength and humility in how your dealing with everything, its inspiring.

Hope you have a nice weekend.

Big hugs to you... and extra big ones to your dad (((((((( )))))))))

take care

the blonde darlek xxxxxxx

Thanks Ms Shiny xx (((((S))))))

Hi Shiny,

Thanks for your support hun.

But reading your diary kind of puts my problems into perspective.

I am sending you back that big virtual ((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))).

Keep batting away those annoying thoughts that do pop in your head occasionally with a straight bat. Like you say, they are buggers that try to trick you from time to time.

But you are much much stronger than them now, much stronger.

I hope your brother moving in helps your current situation at home for the better.

And my thoughts and prayers are with you and your Dad.

Keep strong girl

Ade xxx

Yo,

Been a tough week this week. At times I have been hanging on by my finger nails .

Just read captains post on Ades thread and agree with it whole heatedly .

Not that it should be used as an excuse but I have always felt there are levels of compulsion. And that it's more of a struggle for some .

Right , with my shoulders back , I will stride forward .

I will stand my ground when people are trying to get me to do things I do not want to. Even if they believe they are right and I do not wish to hurt them further . But my life is now my own , I get to make my own choices , I am no longer answerable to anyone but myself .( this is related to my marriage and the shop)

As for gambling , got enough s***t going on my life .

No room to pile any more on lol.

So today my choice was most defo to kick that thought to kerb quick , sharp .!

Have a good weekend everyone 🙂

Shiny xxxxxxx

Hi Shiny, glad to hear you are plugging on and making your own decisions, not standing for any cr**. Sorry this week has been tough but have as best a weekend as you can, at least it will be sunny 🙂 x

Hi shiny

Standing your ground is hard especially in the situation you are in and its especially hard not to feel pulled by the strings of guilt ...

I guess the reality is kicking in now for others...something just popped in my head as I am writing ..remember the 5 stages of death....denial, bargaining, anger , sadness and acceptance..this applies to any change or death in your case of a marriage...

I guess people close to you are going through those stages now....its just the process and right now you are the calm place in the centre of the storm..

You went through those stages already Shiny and are now strong...and really all you have to do is stay still...you did the hard work ; -)

Feel free to ignore if you think thats a load of barmy old cack.

R and D xx

Hi Shiny,

Hanging on by the ol finger nails and that is how it feels some days for me too. I am usually hanging upside down by my toenails though. That's just it isnt it? It is not a straight line once we figure out the gambling. We return to life without blinders on and it is not a smooth straight line. You had to make a hard choice. A life saving choice and I respect you for it. What I have learned so far is that guilt is never a reason to do anything. I am not a fan of Lady Ga Ga in fact it is hard for me to say her name out loud. But, I do love that line "I'm a free bi tch baby" lol. Oh well, enough said. Hang on in there Shiny I'm on a branch near by hanging up side down of course... -joanxxxxxx

shiny.

Seems even the sanctuary of gamcare is a place of advertisement all be it a good one!!

glad to see your taking from the forum, funny i read the same post circa six times before i digested it and it made sense, a gift abstinence gives us, the clear space in which to think.

rather than the gung ho, shoot from the hip, f**k the consequences folk i believe we are whilst in action.

I believe we all share a common theme, the all important one. if we started out with say 50 quid, we might turn that into say 500, but end up with another 50 on top as the first 50 in losses.

I used to when not gambling transfer my compulsion to another outlet, for me work, throw myself at that, then at a point my brain would say " f**k this i get nothing from it, might as well have a punt"

the never ending cycle of which deep down my addiction gifted me one thought. The answer to lifes problems is a punt.

Shiny through abstinence, GA, this forum and folk like you I learnt there is another way, my compulsive nature can serve me well if channeled into things that are beneficial to me.

because i know the domino effect is positive.

16 months ago given twenty quid i would run for the bookies, today i would say keep it.

I thank you for the humility you have gifted me, something without a price on it.

I raise my glass to you.

duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning shiny

I picked that post up on ades diary but only by the fact u read it , what a thought provoking post it was as well , I myself could easily agree with it ultimately I dont think there is no right or wrong on this one , what I do like bout it is the fact it makes u sit up and think , this site as so much info u just av to find it and put it into ur own recovery

Last weeks gone now and by now we both know that no two weeks are the same , experience plays such a vital part we just need to make sure we use it

Bgt !! , been a really good one this year , jess has loved it attraction is her clear favourite just like most and I av to agree sheer genius in my eyes

Take care as always thoughts are with u

Castle2

Yo,

Yesterday got up and decided that I was fed up with being a miserable cow .

Fed up moaning , can see people at work and at home physically pulling back , as I do not think I have been a very nice person to be around . Toooooo much gloom and doom .

So yesterday I said right enough Mrs , change your attitude . All you are doing is bringing yourself and others around you down .

It worked , yesterday was the best day I had all week, I was productive and felt that I achieved things instead of wading through mud .

So just for today I will remain upbeat and cheerful .

As for tomorrow well I will worry bout that one when it comes !

Shiny xxxxxx. 🙂