Hello

Hello everyone, I have read these diaries many times and at one stage i did keep a diary briefly. Sadly after yesterdays episode I have decided to start a new diary and update it regularly on this new journey I am taking. I have read alot of Jamesp advice on here along with other educated gamcare users. Unfortunatley i havent took the advice like i should.I know I should stop and i really am getting tired of it all. Surely after over 10 years of gambling can i not say, i've done it all. lets try to do something different that won't cost so much money. money isn't everything as we all know but it causes undue stress owing money. I work in the environment dealing with money and i know all about it.

Anyway i will start at the begining to tell you how i started gambling. I won't ramble on too much. I left university at 21 got a job and it payed ok just. A joiner friend offered me weekend work. I joined him on saturday. As we walked down town to get something we went into the bookies. I'm not blaming him i followed him in. previously i thought i was too good to cross a bookies door lol I frowned on gambling that's the truth. Anyway we backed horses and dogs and instead of working we spent the day in the bookies. i won £140 profit, the following week i won £140. The next two weeks i won £80 x 2. That was me started.

I did the od horse bet down the years but as the years have passed i went more often until it was a daily visit. I lived alone and i had a widescreen for the racing and a computer in the kitchen to do online bets. I'd make a sandwich then run next door to watch the race in the living room. My house had in effect become a bookies. Sad i know. But it was a big buzz and exciting.

It was only over the last few years when i run up bills on loans, credit cards that i realised it had become a problem.

Since 2010 i have become caught in a payday trap. I borrowed £25k from ********, £20k from quick quid. I have used mr lender, lending stream, payday uk etc. I totalled my borrowings to £100k. Thankfully i currently owe £4k which is a miracle. I want to stop now though before i destroy my life.

I got married nearly 2 years ago so i have to think of my wife who has supported me so much. I get my pay and rental income from a property paid into my account. I like to pay my way.

Yesterday i took our card and lost £70. I left the bookies in despair. I feel so ashamed of myself and low. Last night i went into the bookies and self-excluded. I phoned a counselor today who i met before and am meeting hime tomorrow at 2pm. Basically i am trying everything to stop the betting, I have had enough of it. I didnt even bother with the Grand National sweep today. Its over for me, i just can't do it. Thankyou for listening and i wish you well on your journey. Hopefully you can find happiness as life is too short. Let's not make the bookies richer but think of ourselves and the family.

Thankyou Gamcare and readers.

Long_face