Hello everyone . . Day 7 and determined

Hi justwant2benormal, Twinklyr and Half-Life,

Thanks so much for your encouraging posts and words of advice.

If only I'd discovered this site years ago. It's helping so much and sorry if I'm rubbish at responding, working full time, kids and trying to go to bed at a respectable hour isn't giving me much free time, which isn't a bad thing!

Feeling much more positive today, although still haven't spoken to OH, and new debit card still hasn't arrived (but purposely haven't chased it up either!).

I know there are people much worse off than me and I need to keep reminding myself of that, and focus on appreciating and enjoying what I do have, not dwelling on what I've lost.

Went shopping with OH and the little man yesterday. Bought a small treat (some posh conditioner!) for me, and a small toy for the little 'un. Only £15 in total, but felt good not to begrudge spending on anything other than gambling!

I also read Sabrine's diary on the sticky threads. How can anyone can read that and not be inspired? What an amazing lady.

Day 11 and all is well!

Take care everyone x

Hey you, so pleased to hear from you, I was getting a little worried :-/

There's a new lady who has posted of f & f today, have a read of her first post, it might give you the little nudge you need to tell your OH.

Brilliant that you haven't succumbed, only 3 more days to a fortnight! High 5

xx

Day 15! 🙂

Quick check-in . .

Got through 3 days of my OH working away. Yes, I had a couple of itches but pleased to say they were left unscratched.

Had a much needed night out last night at a Comedy Club (wasn't actually that funny as it turned out, disappointed I didn't leave with my cheeks hurting from laughing, but still nice to get out!).

Hope everyone else is doing ok. This is still my rock and I'm on here regularly reading others' diaries. (I don't feel like I'm in a position to offer advice to anyone else just yet, but that time will come!).

There are some lovely people on here who do a brilliant job lifting other people whilst still fighting themselves 🙂

Will check back in in a couple of days.

Take care all xx

So, every year since my Dad passed away 5 years ago, I've had a bet on the Grand National with my sister, in his memory, as this is what he would do every year. It's become a tradition, and part of the tradition is we have to actually go into a shop (we always have to get someone to help us write out our bet!) and this is the only time I would ever think to go into a betting shop.

My addiction was/is online slots and nothing else.

Would a £5 bet on the National this weekend with my sister mean I was back to Day 1?

xx

Thanks Deano and Half-Life, and sorry didn't mean to cause a stir!

My thoughts are that if I was contemplating 'just one fiver on the slots' that would be a totally different thing, so I don't see it as putting myself in harm's way . . not at all, as horse racing isn't my thing and I know it wouldn't draw me back in to online slots.

Ironically, another thing we do every year at the end of the race is rip up our losing slips and say "it's a mugs game!", as this also something my Dad would do!

xx

I think this is probably what I needed to hear Deano if I'm being totally honest. Although I'd never go in a bookies at any other time, it's worrying that I've started to feel almost excited at having my £5 bet!

So maybe I will give it a miss.

Not sure how I'll explain it to my sister though :-/

What about spending it on yourselves...I'm sure your dad would be chuffed to know his girls are treating themselves right 🙂

Thanks all,

ODAAT and Deano I like your thinking, and yes HL what you said makes sense.

Mum was never really keen on my Dad having a bet (although he was only ever a 50p each way gambler!), so I think I'll suggest we buy flowers for Mum instead . . I think she'd be chuffed to bits if we did that instead of having a bet, and it would no doubt make my Dad smile too.

I've thought lots about telling my sister . . we're really close, but she's also really close to our other 2 sisters, and my brother, and my mum . . and although I love my sister to bits, I'm not 100% sure she'd keep it to herself, and I really couldn't bear my whole family knowing.

New debit card should arrive tomorrow. which I know will test my willpower, but I promised myself when I first started writing this diary that if I relapsed again, I would definitely tell OH, and I still stand by that.

Thanks everyone again for your support, hope anyone reading this is staying strong . . We're all doing an amazing job! 🙂

K xx

Hi,

Being gf is all good but as ever, it's less good that you don't want your OH and family to know. Secrecy is a tool that promotes continued gambling; honesty, transparency and openness promote recovery.

And for me, the most devastating was the lies involved in his double life.

CW

Hi CW,

There is no double life. The gambling is behind me, and my debts are my own, and I can deal with them. We have separate finances therefore the only person this has affected is me. No matter how much I've gambled, I've always made sure my share of the bills, mortgage, and anything for my kids, has been taken care of first. I feel I don't need to worry him or cause any upset (and bitterness??) between us, unless, as I said above, if ever I feel I'm struggling again then clearly I have no option but to speak to him and hope for his support.

For the moment I'm focussed on feeling proud that I've managed 20 days gf.

K.

Hi there and sorry go jumping in but I'm a CG and what CW says echo's with us as gamblers in that gambling thrives on secrecy , most of the recovering gamblers on here have come clean to there partners , maybe not straight away but at some point , it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do , sit down and tell my partner and my grown up kids about my secret life of gambling , that said it was also one of the best things I've ever done , it allowed me to move on with nothing to hide and no fear of being found out at another time not of my choice ! But this is about you and your recovery , everyone has a choice as to how they handle it and as they see fit , there should be no judgement on here , just support when you need it , which is really what us a recovering gamblers need , just take what you want from the advice you receive and dump the rest !! Well done on getting to the 20 days , great start and you should be proud ! Talk to you again soon and best wishes ........Alan

Thanks Alan,

I did tell him everything 2 years ago . . he was so supportive and understanding, and he kept an eye on my finances but only for a short time. I was gf for quite some time, but then relapsed. The only thing he asked 2 years ago was that I tell him if it happens again. I'm worried that because I didn't tell him straight away when things started spiralling again, he might not be quite so supportive this time.

And also, as I mentioned, I can put things right myself financially. I feel much more determined this time and I know I will beat this. At the moment, since being gf, things have never been better between us, and I don't want to ruin that.

It feels like the right thing to do for now. If I struggle, it's a conversation I'll have to have, and I will.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply, really do appreciate it.

K x

Hi again K , yeah , I did read through your story and can understand your dillema and you used the phrase " It feels the right thing to do for now " which is what you have to go with , gut feeling sometimes !.

Like I said , " It's your recovery " , enjoy it ! .

Take care and I'll wish you a good night ! ....................Alan x

G'night 🙂

Hi,

I hear what you say about your recovery to manage as you see fit, absolutely so.

re the past being another country, the comparable is, how would you feel if he had been in contact with an old flame for a while without telling you, nothing came of it, nothing actually happened, he has no plans to do it again...but for a while something was going on behind your back that was threatening to you that you didn't know about? Any scenario where something's going on behind one partner's back really isn't that harmless.

Your recovery is your business but others on here find they do better without secrets. And that telling brings relief. And even that their OHs are surprisingly supportive. Honesty is very important, it's the cornerstone of recovery. And real recovery is important, otherwise the addiction gets worse and worse.

re my own bitterness, (actually, if not exactly sweet, I didn't think that I was that bitter) firstly, my children and I have had a pretty bad experience! Secondly, in my own way and in my own time, I'm working on getting over it, it took a long time to do the damage and getting over it hasn't happened overnight, nor do I expect it to happen overnight now. And I am all too aware that if I don't get over it, I will indeed end up as a bitter old woman. As opposed to merely grumpy. Not getting over it would ruin my life and I don't want that and it's for me to deal with, he can't do it for me.

For what it's worth, I wish you well, and challenging the thinking is not actually intended to be insulting, hope you don't take it as such.

CW