Hey

Hi Rach

That's amazing, two weeks done, that's down by, well done and stay strong

Stuart

22 days GF !!!! 

Feeling okay, not really getting any desire to gamble , probably because I know I cant (gamban) but I haven't even really been thinking about gambling!!!! Feeling positive ✨️ 

Hi Rach

Well done, over three weeks down which is amazing. Keep strong. Keep building and using your support network whatever that looks like for you. I'm sure you know that complacency is the demon of addiction so watch out for that. It also might not be direct in thinking about playing but can also come by thinking in old ways. I'm sure you are, but keep working on yourself. Treat yourself with something small when you hit the milestones. You have two big ones coming up - 28 days and then one month. Keep reminding yourself you are doing well and how good it feels. Finances will slowly get better if they haven't already.

Stuart

@lp5vut869c hey Stuart , hope you are well? 

Yes finance are ok.. ive actually started to budget my  money so I can start to save again.

As ive said b4 gamban is key here ,I have it on all my devices Made sure I did that right away,even my iPad that I havent used in over a year. 

I feel confident I can do this. 

I have started seeing a chiropractor as ive been having problems for months but always told myself I couldn't afford it (when I actually can without gambling) and that has also helped me feel better. 

Just need to focus on my weight, last year I wasnt well and spent 6 months on steroids and put on loads of weight, but one step at a time. 

Hi Rach

That all sounds busy but try not to fall into my trap. I think a lot of us, especially me have been looking for shortcuts to life which of course the addiction thrives on and pushes that option to us. I even find it now trying to come through the backdoor of my brain as the head on gambling approach hasn't worked for it. That devil in my head always talks to me in my own voice and can quite frankly get lost. It can spend all the time it wants in the car park doing press ups to get stronger but it's not coming back. 

Anyway, I was trying to do too much all at once and looking for the quick fix, easy route and short cut. I'm sure you have it all in hand and I'm certainly not telling you what to do but just keep calm and put recovery first. I think the weight thing will probably come naturally. I guess with the back problems, walking is out of the question ?

I would really be interested on here what everyone's support system looks like. I put mine up on my story. What does yours look like if you don't mind me asking ?

@lp5vut869c hey its not back problems its my neck i was getting terrible pains in my head on and off , but ive had 3 sessions of chiropractor and touch wood the pain has gone they did some 3d scan which shows my shoulders were alined (or something) but its so expensive but I also feel better.

My story ! 

When I was around 20 someone told me they won ***at a certain casino so I thought "hey thats sounds fun" from then I was hooked, spent loads of money ,credit cards,loans ,payday loans you name it i did it.

Even started using my mum's card to gamble which I am now still very ashamed of 🙁 

I ended up with nothing had to go into a debt management plan. 

I was plodding along quite nicely until my credit started building up again and the whole cycle started again. Again went into a debt management plan and just had a basic bank account. 

That worked for years still had the odd gamble but was doing ok .

my dad was poorly so I gave up my job to look after him and started doing food deliveries (deliveroo etc) so I could work around looking after my dad. 

My passed away in 2023 🙁 I was lost without him still am. But also in 2023 I got my own place and was doing ok ish,then I found the offshore casinos and it all went downhill from there , I didnt get into the same situation as before because im am certain I won't lose this place, anyways i gambled all my savings and told myself that I wouldn't start on the bill account (which i did) but I saw sense before i spent all that - so here we are 25 days later GF and happy (well maybe happy is pushing it a bit) 

That's just the short version of my gambling story lol ... 

Thanks for asking -no one ever has !

Wow Rach, that's a powerful story and lots to resonate with. Thank you so much for sharing. I can read how hard it was to do so. The trauma of losing your Dad must be so tough whether it coincides with your gambling relapse or not. It would be good to talk about this in one of the chatrooms . Sorry for thinking it was your back 

I don't process to be an expert but if we were on a gambling podcast and you told me the above (for want of a scenario) I would have so many questions

Do you feel this time you are giving up that it's different than before ? 

Hope you don't mind the questions and don't feel obliged to answer any of them please, as I don't want to offend or upset you but am genuinely interested.

Did you feel before in your 20s that you had a problem with gambling and were you comfortable with the term compulsive gambler ?

In GA, we always talk about a higher power. For me that's God. I'm not a church goer but have always believed in him. I talked to someone the other day who wasn't religious and he said he couldn't have a higher power who was alive and so his is his uncle who had passed away. Is your higher power your Dad and can you use his presence to stay in recovery ? Would your dad want that for you ?

I presume by your username you might be 44 years old so to feel ashamed for using your mum's credit card I'm guessing 20 years ago is natural but quite powerful. Forgive me if I have got that wrong. We've all done the same, if I told you some of the things I have done then you would be rocked. The only way to move forward which I am sure you know is to leave the last behind. For me I look at all those years of lies, secrecy, escapism and gambling as my power source to change now for good and never go back. I can't forget my last but if I dwell on it then it's going to suck me back to gambling. I worry about the future but that's a waste of time as well and uses up emotional energy. The only way to pathe the future is by what I do today. To be the best possible version of Stuart that I can and that's powerful, rewarding and to tell you the truth I like that person a lot. He wants to connect with people and the world. Long way of asking but do you agree and can you think like that yet ?

You've obviously had long periods of abstinence which is commendable but you went back as you say to have the odd bet. Do you feel that's ok to do ynsh again this time or do you feel you can't and don't want to ever have another bet ? There is no right or wrong answer just the honest one on how you feel today and not what you think you should say. 

I'm going to post now but I do have other questions if you don't mind but don't want to lose the above 

Hello again Rach

Can I ask a few more questions as I think your openness and honesty in your share deserves them

When you say you are on day 25 and you are happy but then question yourself with that word. Do you realise what you have done so far ? For the last 25 days you haven't done the one thing that whether it was escapism, boredom or whatever, you did before and you haven't now. On day one you admitted to yourself l, doesn't matter who else you told but yourself that you don't want to gamble anymore. You have come on here and been active with posts sharing your journey and now opening up with your story. Do you know how proud you should be ? Sharing is powerful and it hurts. It's therapy and you should be proud of yourself and it's two way. People on here reading your story will resonate and get strength and understanding from your words. When AA was set up in the 1930s they soon learned that alcoholics could help alcoholics by connecting with each other. In the 1950s GA was born out of the same philosophy and if you have ever done the 12 steps in GA we use the AA big book as addiction is addiction. So how do you feel about the last 25 days and what you have achieved ? How do you feel about that decision 25 days ago to give up ? 

I would love to know what your support network looks like and if you feel there are any gaps. For me mine has to be as robust as possible so I don't worry about relapsing and have someone or something to call on when I need it.

@lp5vut869c hey ... 

Thanks for replying... 

The first few days I did really wish I didn't install gamban , I had gambled everyday for months and just didnt know what to do with myself. 

As I said b4l ast time I had gamban i uninstalled it near enough right away (it blocked one of my free games and made me really unhappy) but this time I thought, rachal dont be stupid you are going to lose everything because of a free game you have played for years 🫤 so I charged up my iPad and Installed gamban on my 2 phones (ones for work) and my iPad,but as luck had it the game i was worried about i can still play , and i honestly think I would lf uninstalled gamban again if I couldn't play that free game (how stupid)

In my 20''s I definitely had a problem with gambling, I just used the words "gambling problems" 

I do feel very ashamed of using my mums card , we have never spoken about it but she knows and I know ! But she was always very good to me (I lived her for 13 years) which was only supposed to be temporary lol.. shes still great with me now,we speak loads and I see her lots.she buys all my expensive items ie- washing pods etc, I don't ask for it she just does it never leave her house without a bag of shopping.

I don't think ive achieved alot in the last 26 days I just havent gambled. 

I havent got a support network ,not for this anyways , I really dont want to tell people I messed up again, well I didnt really cos I stopped before it got out of hand but if I didn't stop it would of got real bad. 

I cant have the odd bet ,I cant be trusted ,luckily I have never been interested in bookies,lottery or scratch cards,gamban is staying on my devices, banks blocks dont work for offshore casinos, funny thing ,ive gambled for months with my bank and not one question from them, I stop now they are emailing me asking "if I need support with my finances" 

I slightly blame the bank for my big debts, in my 20's I took out quite a big loan ,gambled it all maxed out my credit went back into the bank less than a month later who then gave me a bigger loan, how crazy is that ,you could clearly see where all the money had gone !!! 

Sorry if I missed any questions 

Thanks again for asking 🙂 

Hi Rach

Thank you for being honest and open. Your mum sounds amazing, just like most mums. Yes the banks have a lot to answer for. They fuel the addiction and of course see where the money is going. I do think the banks are the only ones who could give a true figure on gambling addiction. 

I felt the same as you when I hit 100 days and didn't feel that great about it, well not how I thought I would feel. I always had that as my first target. 26 days...you should be proud and it's not like you haven't done anything apart from not gambling. Shame you can't build any accountability into your support network, that must be hard.

Anyway, stay strong, keep going and hopefully see you in the chatrooms. You have a whole life ahead of you without gambling.

Be the best version of you - Not perfect, not impressive, not ahead of everyone else, just a little better than yesterday. Some days that's progress, some days that's just not quitting and giving into addiction and that's enough. One day at a time

Hey .

I've always been the person to help people and not need help myself , I don't like people feeling sorry for me... 

When my dad died I lost a few friends cos I just wanted to be left alone and some friends didnt understand that ,and thats fine I know who my true friends are !! 

I did try the chat once but it was all going bit fast for me lol 

I hope you are well ?? 

Hi Rach

I think that everyone needs a bit of help along the road of life. Someone said that everyone could do with a bit of therapy whoever they are and that translates to support. The chatrooms do move quite quickly but the lunch time ones and the Monday and Wednesday 6pm and 7pm have less people so run a bit slower. Would be good to chat some time. Are you proud of where you are now in recovery ?

@lp5vut869c 28 days stuart!!!! 

Im starting to feel happier but I dont think I've ever truly been happy,  just plodding along as I tell most ppl 🙂 

Hope you have had a good day ?

Hi Rach

28 days, well that's amazing. You should be proud of yourself and happy you are at that milestone. I've had a good day. Counselling this morning and don't some work on my 12 steps at GA. Went to an open meeting at GA tonight which was the first one of that type I've been to. Plenty of family members there to support people getting 1, 2, 3 and 12 years recognition of recovery. It was very moving and I am so glad I went

Keep strong, one day at a time

Stuart

@lp5vut869c  DAY 30 

well im now on day 30 and going strong, I have had few thoughts of gambling come into my head ,been managing my money fine

But...

I've been wondering if I carried on would I of won or just lost all my money tbh I was plodding along ok before I decided to stop (winning and losing) but I knew what the end result would be BUT theres always that thought 

WHAT IF ??