Hey

Its crazy Rach how much i was spending in past i would be working 60+ hours and lose 70-80% of my salary and just get by the funny thing i am spending alot more and in much better financial position then i ever was this is something i couldnt see until my last relapse as i never took loans out to gamble it was the best thing to happen to me it was also the hardest time as i found it difficult to accept it and i had more urgues to get my losses back fortunately sticking on here i was able to move forward now it a distant past within 3 years my life completely different

Hi Rach

Fantastic and well done on 83 days, that's a huge number. You have what I like to call the 3 in 10 milestones next week....90 days, 3 months and triple figures with 100. If you want to be greedy on the treats you can make it 4 in 12 and celebrate 88 

I'm doing really well. I'm near the end of step 4 of the 12 steps which has not only been an eye opener but a life changer as well. 

231,000 minutes since my last bet and have taken aim at the 200 days now.

No thoughts of gambling. I feel proud of this version of myself now who is a genuinely good person.

@tazman 

So true Taz. I dont think I will ever understand how, the minute I got paid, all relationship with money and living expenses went out of the window. However much I got paid, however much spare money had,.my addiction knew better. 

@tazman hey ... I have been spending quite a bit on stuff , im redoing my bathroom atm ,just spent a fortune on a chiropractor for 12 sessions but now only have to go once a month ,probably all them months just head down spinning my life away 🙃... but it's nice being able to buy things without having to worry about not having gambling funds ..

@lp5vut869c hellooooo 

So what happens now after you finish your steps ?? 

You are counting in minutes now ?? WOW ! 

Do you mind me asking - are you working atm ? 

Hi Rach

Love number so always play around with them.

I've still got around 3 months to finish learning the 12 steps, then I practice it for the rest of my life and offer to sponsor other members in GA

No, I don't have a job at the moment and can't get one 

Hey Stuart, 

You can't get a job ? 

I guess you are filling your time with recovery then ? 

That must be hard for you financially?

I am working but self employed so definitely not working as much as I should but I Just don't have the energy ,when your brain is constantly on the go it gets very tiring so I find i need to have a daily nap just to function atm.

Hi Rach

I spent 36 years in media and the last 26 building a company. Without going into detail and I don't blame them but there is some pretty bad stuff online about me. I recognise now the immense strength I was under where the company grew and had a lot of staff to keep in jobs, doesn't condone what I did but on top of gambling harm I dont think that was good for me at all and made the addiction just worse. It was never recognised at the company, maybe used against me but who knows and I did wrong. I think nowadays, like I used to, companies do a background check on social media and Google so I don't get an interview for any job. We are getting through and my recovery is more important than anything else. I can't help my family and others if I'm still sick myself. 

I'm nothing like the person I was. It goes to show what addiction can do to you, especially when the money runs out. I'm really proud to be a good person today and I continue to work on that. I only work on what I can change and nothing else. I can't continue to try to change the thoughts of me from other people. I have a lot of problems to face one day but not today. The only thing that matters today is not gambling. 

The one thing that has got me down this week is the constant barrage of people telling me I'm in early recovery. Any label I want to carry should be decided by myself and no one else. There are huge egos in this sector about knowledge and years of abstinence but we are all five minutes away from a bet, now or in ten years time. We all came here on a different path but we are all here. To me it doesn't matter if you are on day one or day 5000, we all have the same aim, to stop gambling. 

Just in a spot at the moment and feel I've been put into the cabinet and do I want to be there or a back bencher if you know what I mean. Things I've done had 100% good intentions but have been seen as ego which they weren't. 

@lp5vut869c Stuart it crazy how much u have learnt within a short space of time the ego is spot on like u have experience about gambling i have 16 years of experience of recovery even though i did miss out on alot their was actually a guy on youtube which i haven mentioned which i now believe was a fruad he would talk about the addiction and people started sending him money he talked about recovery but didnt mention anything what he was doing then sudently their was no youtube page and when i searched his name after a while their weee few people talking about him how he disapered as he scammed peoole he could have have been an addict but doing this shows he wasent a great person fortunately i didnt fall for any of this and another thing someone mentioned on here about some people were not gambliers to begin when i gambled in bookies i remember few people who would smash the fobt machines after lossing small sum of money and get barred i use to think those peoole were crazy thinking back those people were the fortunate one as they could see what was happening they realised their was no finanical gain some of those people quit instantly and some of those people ended up in Ga and surprisgly its most those people who have better results being bef free

Day 85 

Whatever you do end up doing stuart im sure you will give it 110% ... you have thrown yourself into gambling recovery. As where me im doing nothing ,well apart from not gambling and your family sticking with you is even more amazing,my family dont know my struggles this time and thats the way i like it . 

I did wonder last week when I removed gamban if I would go back to gambling but I didn't and thats one thing I am very pleased with myself about. 

Hi Rach

Thank you and at least you have faith in me 

@lp5vut869c you are very welcome,  i dont know you but you come across as a nice person and you know what you are talking about 🙂

Thank you Rach. Last two days have been bad because I've taken some comments over the phone to hear and things said in rooms. I'm learning acceptance that it's their thoughts and not mine.

I'm back to being the English gentleman. I have morals and am good. I want to help people wherever I can and with no ego attached. 

I've reminded myself of how much work I've done over the last 163 days. I've been to 250 GA meetings in that time. I've done half of the 12 steps, time wise, I've posted on here and Evive. I've tried to post a reply to everyone who has been kind enough to write something for me to read. I've been to zooms, researched, taking part in research, talked to people via WhatsApp to offer support, been to a huge number of chatrooms on here and more. So I feel I should be proud of the man I am today and the work I do on that man to be a better person tomorrow. All the work I do is investment for future Stuart, a kind and loving person 

Hey 

Sometimes you just have to turn off from others and focus on yourself 🙂

@v9ehcqm83f I agree Rach.👍. Stuart, you are right, you cannot control others thoughts, feelings and what comes out of their mouths, however you can take control of yourself. An English gentleman - be proud of that title 👏👏💙.

Take it easy and Rach, well done to you on your continued efforts to remain g.f 👏👏👏.

Have a lovely weekend

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.