Hope

you dont need a gym mate when youve got your trainers bounding the fresh air of the streets....bics are luxurious for me at minute lol as the old reliable electric one is failing rapidly lol....anyways well done for saying a few words for psowm today...your literature is far better than mine but you worded it perfectly and also i know youve stopped counting your days but your new diary title gives it away...ONE MONTH BET FREE today well done odaat onwards we go 😉

SA,

Sorry to hear about your return to the wilderness but that has gone now and it's great to hear you know that gambling cannot bring one positive to your life, only ever pain and destruction.

Total respect to you for resigning from your job for the reasons you did.

Similar situation in my job, been there 25 years on Fri and i've completely had enough of it. It's counter productive to me trying to get well. Like you it brings anxiety and for me that is part of the pattern to a return to the illness.

2 day i'm grateful that i've not indulged as living life on life's terms is difficult enough without adding the main sympton of my illness to the mix. I will be as happy as i make up my mind to be !

Best Wishes and good luck with bank job app

Hey thanks everybody... rest assured I shall be visiting your diaries in the near future.

I got knocked back on the bank job. Passed interview and tests but my gambling past bit me on the b*m.. even though it was a few years ago now, the fact that ive been a bankrupt means that its an automatic.. on your bike mate. The computer went from "progress to next stage" to "decline" in a wink of an eye. My future decided by how a computer chip is programmed.

Never mind.. its not gonna make me gamble. Ive just gotta be realistic in the sort of stuff I apply for.

On a positive i had a great run at club last night.. helps me stay on an even keel. And while all around seem to have colds at the moment.. health wise am in good shape.

The other thing about having alot of time on my hands at the moment is that ive actually started doing those bits and pieces around the home that just get left when working. Mirrors are now up on the wall. My landline now has its phone chord extension so it actually reaches the table and the random stuff thats just been lying around for ages now has a home.

Must admit though I am starting to get a bit bored and frustrated with to much time on my handds.. which is to be expected. need to do some intensive job search today.

No problems on the gambling front. My bank account goes down very slowly when gambling is not part of my life. I am though taking sensible measures. Bank card only comes out with me when i really need it and I only carry what money i really need. Ive decided to state my date of last gamble in my title. Its like my line in the sand. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi sa, how ya doin? Not been on here in a while. Good to see ya makin good progress. Having too much time on your hands has been my biggest problem so it's good to hear ya putting measures in place to stop it. I normally take all my cards out with me but I'm going to start doing what u r doing, only taking what u need.

Hope All is well

All the best

Jimmy

Thanks for dropping in Jimmy..

Ive been feeling down today.. even though ive been doing stuff and socialising. But can't help wondering as to why ive reached a position where am unemployed and sitting in a flat on my own wondering why ive lived such a self-limiting life.

Can't dwell on the past but its true that gambling directly or indirectly gambling has led me to where I find myself today.. sometimes I just feel tired of it all.. tired of the struggle. Tired of feeling scared all the time. Whoever said life was easy.

Ive had a few thoughts of gambling.. but there just thoughts.. ive got no intention of acting upon them.. they will pass. Think am just maybe overtired. After a month of waking up early every morning.. my body and soul needs rest. Anyway thats me am sure I will feel better tomorrow. Moods they change all the time dont they.. Thanks for listening.. S.A

they certainly do mate....im similar to yourself i.e gambling leading me to where i am today....frustrating and destroying at times but odaat as you say we can better ourselves 😉

Day 33 dawns gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

Thanks wp am feeling better this morning. I'd had a couple of beers last night, which when am feeling down only makes this worse.. so I think i will knock the drinking on the head completley for now.

Time to get some more heating in the flat. I wake up feeling cold. Anyway here's to a new day with all the potential it can bring.. onwards and upwards.. S.A

Hi SA , well done on another succedful day. Its so funny reading through the diaries on here, we all have our own methods, yet are working towards one common goal. For me, beers with friends helps tremendously when I'm feeling down (a few obviously, hangovers dont help anyone lol).

Keep it going S.A, you are recovering again and may be a little stronger and wiser since your last prolonged recovery

Take Care

Blues

Thanks Blues..

Day 33 continued.. tough day tough day.. thoughts and urges to gamble. Sat down this afternoon to do some job search and ended up watching telly instead.. started to lose a bit of confidence in myself. Anyway I had to go out post a birthday card and everywhere around all i saw was gambling. In fact I saw a fellow addict accquaintance type fellow coming out of a gambling hell hole.. he spotted me and walked off quickly.. obviously he felt a little ashamed or had just blown his money.

Anyway i posted said card and just kind of wondered around for a bit. Thought i'd get a few bits of shopping in but then couldnt think what i wanted or needed.. and then my head was just in a bit of a funk. I bought an apple turnover just because.. and then the local paper but all i saw was scratch cards. Some bloke had just come out of the job centre.. he bought a 4 pack of stella and a couple of number 5's.. and i thought to myself well how easy it would be to say .. "this paper and a number 5". gambling head was saying "you could win a big £100,000 and never have to look for work again.".. gee the feelings were quite intense.

Another thing it was only 4.30 and it was getting dark and the lights of the gambling hell holes were really working on me.. slot wheels in the window and through the gaps of the frosted glass.. come in come in they were saying.. jackpot city.. geee

Fortunately I had the foresight not to bring my card out with me and only to have a small amount of cash.. but by gum that was close. It was only as i was walking home that the urge to gamble started to subside. Now am home i feel safe again. i did not gamble.. well done to me.

It feels like ive arrived at a big cross roads in my life once more. Turn left for instant gratification, addiction and despair.. turn right for something else. Its my choice. Today i made the right choice. But its not easy just now. Self-esteem and self-confidence at a low ebb. Thast all it is really. My gambling is not especially about the thrill of winning money.. its much more about switghing off from myself, switching off from my life for a few hours... which is what makes it so hard to stop once in action.. When i have relief from my life what is the motiavtion to stop?? I choose to continue to face my reality with my head held high.. thanks for listening.. S.A

Day 34 gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

Am feeling much stronger today.. gambling thoughts have receded over the horizon. Thank goodness for that. I realise what was really stressing me out yesterday. It was that yesterday I new that today was "signing on day" and ive never signed on before and I didn't know what to expect. fear of the unknown.

I'd imagined being grilled over what i had applied for and told that it wasnt enough or acceptable and that my benefits would be stopped and by housing benefits would be stopped and then i'd lose the roof over my head and then i'd be in a hostel and then i'd have no money for food and then... you get the picture. I was catastrophizing the worse possible outcome and it in my stressed out head it was definately going happen.. cos s**t always happens to me.

As it turned out the lady just asked me if I had been applying for jobs and i said yes and she noted a couple of jobs i'd written down and that was that.. in and out in 5 minutes.

Am very grateful to the welfare state you know. This is the second time in my life that ive needed the financial support from the state and I am very grateful that it exists.. cos in many countries it doesnt.

I will take some learning from the events of the last 24 hours. The learning is... face my fears don't assume its always gonna be the worst case scenario. face the unknown with a positive outlook.

No gambling problems. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Well done S.A, couple of powerful entries there. Really well done for resisting the urges yesterday, I know what you mean about the bright lights trying to draw you in. I have quite a bit of waiting around time today, but am choosing to stay late in work as if I 'wait around' outside, the outcome is unknown. Boredom is a massive thing for me, we all have different triggers but I believe this is one of the most common ones. We have to learn to believe that we will never win big. You mentiones 100k in yesterdays post. Believe me, it wouldnt matter because as CG's, if you won 100k, you would lose 110k...Understand? Make sense?

Take Care and hope you have a gamble free day

Blues

Hi SA,just dropping by to have a read of your last couple of posts,well done for resisting those "bright Lights" the other day,just goes to show how easily our gambling head can be switched on!!!.Hope your job search bears fruit soon,try not to fret about your benefits being cut/stopped,i'm certain that wont happen:),i know from my own experience how soul destroying the 2 weekly visit to the jobcentre is,i always used to feel for the staff,what a thankless monotonous job they have,and no doubt they get so much abuse on a regular basis,polite,genuine people like you are a breath of fresh air:).

Seano.

Thanks guys your thoughts mean alot 🙂

Well here i am almost 35 completed days since my last gamble. No gambling problems today.. am feeling fairly settled in myself. Nothing much to report really.. just living an ordinary life. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

an ordinary life...the thing none of us ever wanted but its what we are all clinging onto now!! but..how great does normal feel! well done on 35 days, keep it up and before long you will be a week away from 100 like i am today 🙂

thanks for posting...we love listening

Hey S.A

Well done with 35 days of 'normality' !

Yes as Lee said and as I posted on Martins diary a few mo's ago FEELING NORMAL is great and it's something we don't have when in gambling mode.

Hold that thought every day, enjoy the wonderful feeling of normality when gambling is out of your life.

On the subject of counting, I think it's OK as long as you are counting one day at a time! No crazy targets, the only target is I will not gamble today!! If you can get a *** of that you will be OK.

You have been around on here for a long time, a commited person, and you will succeed!

Keep checking in and I will keep checking in on you - One Day at a Time!

Have a great gamble free weekend.

Day 93 for me, and there will be wine on the table with dinner tonight, Chilean Shiraz!!! can't wait 🙂

Your friend

David