Hope

Day 55 dawns gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

Its taken me an age to write this morning. Ive woken up feeling fearful. I really don't know where am going in life. Just passing time. Struggling to find my way forward. Just gotta sit with it I spose.. be thankful for being alive.

Of course this is the kinda mind set ive gotta work on an dkeep working on. Stop being a dreamer and be a doer instead.. but do what? This is how it all started really... shrug my shoulders and seek escapism with the machines.

Anyway am sure i will feel better as the day goes on. I usually do. Am strong and focussed on NOT gambling.. just a day at a time.. thanks for listening.. S.A

Odaat is all we need s.a 🙂 keep it going, we can do this and have a nice day 😉

Hi wp.. yes thats it.. all I have to do/all we have to do.. is not gamble today. Today is day 56.. 8 weeks since my last gamble .. and today i will not gamble!

Am feeling better than i did yesterday morning. I find the weekends easier than the week days. At the weekends I don't feel so stressed with the total jobs "funk" I seem to be in. I feel as if I need someone to lead me by the hand and say, do this, apply for that, this job would suit you, don't apply for that it would do your head in. Of course with all of this comes a healthy dose of realism of whats available.

Besides the job situation things are kinda ok.. I find myself enough company to keep me ticking over and am really enjoying the running as always. Ive also been doing a bit of DIY.. the big barren patch in my lounge now has some tiles on it so its now something of a feature rather then just having "stuff" in front of it to hide it.

Anyway thats me.. remaining focussed one day at a time.. S.A

Well done SA you are doing great! I am new to this site I am on day 2 - finding it very hard at the moment but it has to be done!

Thanks for your support j100... not gambling today is all we have to do.. you can do it.. I can do it.. we can do it! 🙂

I like sundays always have. Had a fantastic run today.. we did 18 miles.. on the roads, on the tracks, across the fields, through the woods.. loved it! ... no gambling problems.. S.A

Well done on 18 miles and more importantly, so pleased to hear that you really enjoyed it! I gave my jog a miss today as it was too icy around here.

Keep up with the one day at a time positivity, you are doing so well mate.

GT

Thanks Gt..

Day 58 gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

Have been up and wide awake for a while now. My Monday mornings feel hard now that am not working. Am determined to do some positive stuff on the job search today.. it does not feel easy though. Sitting here in the silence of my flat.. its easy just to feel scared and fearful and do nothing or nothing very productive anyway.

These are real feelings and I learn to sit with them. I do not have to run to gambling to comfort myself. I choose not to do that. Underneath my anxieties I am developing a stronger mental attitude and i am coping. I think today i will sign on with more local agencies at their premises. I look for jobs to much on the internet.

Thanks for listening.. S.A

SA,

58 days. Good going.

Just try to do one thing... surely that will lead to another... then another. All of a sudden you will be flat out busy and feeling less fearful.

Keep up the great work. We are all behind you and your recovery.

Brian

Hi SA, thanks for your post it's appreciated. It must be tough waking up on a Monday morning with no work to go to. I for one probably don't appreciate how tough it actually is. You are doing well and as you say odaat. Keep hunting for that job, it will probably happen when you least expect it. Take care russ

Day 59 since my last gamble and gambling free it shall remain.

Thanks guys... and yes its the limited social contact and people to talk to thats the hardest part of not working and thats why I found myself having a drink and chat with my neighbour last night. And thats why i go running club come wind, rain, shine or snow! It gets me out and around people and those little chats help me to stop getting to withdrawn and lets face it .. depressed. The running lifts my mood.

Anyway no gambling problems. Thanks for llistening.. S.A

Day 60 since my last gamble and gambling free it shall remain.

Yesterday was tough, struggling in myself. Was having dark thoughts. The cold and the dark and o so much time to think and worry and feel stressed and depressed.

But today is a new day I shall do my best to be positive. I havent gambled for a couple of months now and it feels like such a massive acheivment in my present circumstance. Am still vulnerable though. It only takes a moment to throw it all away. I have no intention of doing that though.. I will do what i have to do to keep myself safe. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Into day 61 since my last gamble and gambling free it shall remain

Yesterday I felt quite good within myself.. and did positive things. Today I feel like cr**.. several issues on my mind.. and ive got an ulcer thats erupted from no where. I just want to hide under the duvet today but I won't. Onwards and forwards a day at a time.. S.A

Chin up s.a your doing well friend. .we can do this and that's what matters for now 🙂

Hope your ulcer goes away as quickly as it came.

Hey, this recovery journey really will have its ups and downs won't it?! Just keep looking forward to the better days. And as long as you don't gamble, there will be plenty more of them!

GT

Hi Sa,

glad to come back online and find you are still working recovery well.

I'm sorry you are feeling fearful quite often. It's understandable, but you could not go on the way you were in your old job.

Lots of love,

f x