Hope

Thanks guys and gals... I take your thoughts on board.

Its 4 weeks today since rock bottom.

Its 4 weeks today without gambling.

Just needed to acknowledge this.

I keep fighting the good fight!

Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

HIGH FIVE!!!!!

f x

Stunning, Amazing.

Thanks Freda and Dan.

Its now the 17th February a full calender month since the 17th of January when I gambled away my money and returned to a very bad place within myself. How do I feel now... 1 month on??

Well am still very short of money but I gotta say I do "feel" better than i did, not brilliant but better than i did. I guess thats inevitable... I couldn't really have felt much worse.

I know now how much I want a better quality of life. Ive fought hard to climb once more out of the hole I dug for myself and god d**n it I don't want to start digging another funking hole!!

Does there come a time when a gambler, when I.. finally get it?? Does there come a time when a gambler,.. when I.. finally surrender, admit defeat and actually do whatever it takes to stop gambling and stay stopped?? YES

When I stopped for the best part of 3 years or so I thought I had it beat... but thinking back I think I stopped because of what i did for a living rather than stopped 100% for myself.

But I want to say I am determined once more. I have had enough of the self-defeating life style which is the gamblers lifestyle which has been my lifestyle. Ive had enough of periodically f*****g up. No more getting drunk in a pub or a club.. thats my biggest trigger. When i do this and wander out of these places in my own company I am a gamble waiting to happen. So I want it to stop once and for all. I can enjoy myself without the need to get drunk.

Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Firstly, well done on staying away from gambling - massive achievement SA.

For a lot of people, there is a link between drinking and gambling, but the reason is drink lowers defences. There are many things said, done (cheating, gambling, taking drugs) that are a direct cause of alcohol. I would actually find it easier to accept if i just gambled when drunk but for compulsive gamblers drunk/sober it doesnt matter.

If drink is your trigger SA, you gotta knock it in the head and the better quality of life will definately follow

Keep up the good work and continue to fight the fight

Blues

You talk a lot of sense SA. Well done for getting the first month done and dusted.

You have done amazingly under difficult circumstances. You have a stressful, and new!, job but are not using it as an excuse. You are far stronger than you realise, and a star and a half!

Keep on twinkling 🙂

f x

Hiya SA,

Really pleased to hear your on the up. Onwards and upwards 😉 🙂

Hug Del x

Hi SA, it's good to hear that things are steadily improving for you. How's your injury? Have you had a chance to go out running yet? As you know, it will be a big plus for you when you can get back out there. All the prep for my half is done, now I just have to get out there and do my best. Keep strong SA, we are all behind you. Russ

Hi SA,

Great news about the whole calendar month.

Interesting thoughts about when the time is for us to realise that we have to stop.

In my case, I don't think I am at that stage yet. To seriously consider going out to throw money away less than a week ago means that I cannot say that I am comfortably going to be able to say NO to those demons quiet so easily.

OK, I chose not to go but those thoughts were still there. I think that it will be when the following stages happen...

1. You decide to stop as you are heavily in debt.

2. Put all the blocks in.

3. Find something else to occupy your mind and day.

4. Share with friends and family and/or a forum.

5. Start to treat yourself with little things for going through x number of days gamble free.

6. Struggle to deal with urges but eventually say no to them.

7. Begin to find it easier to deal with those urges.

8. Be able to walk past any gambling places without a second thought.

9. Become debt free.

10. Be able to save your extra money without throwing it away again.

I'm at number 6 which shows that there is still a very long way to go.

Hope that you are able to get some runs in.

GT

Thanks all

Gt.. my experince is that becoming debt free only makes a limited amount of difference when it comes to dealing with Cg behaviour... the addiction, my addiction runs much deeper than that. As far as stages of recovery goes, my experince is that I can both make progress and regress. Its fluid it fluctuates. I have this b*****d insidious addiction for life and I have to fight it for life... its just that some periods of time are easier than others.

Reading certain other diaries has helped me today. I need to regualrly remind myself of how bad it gets because my own pain fades past. Its for this reason that i intend to post a little less in my own diary unless I need to post or have something significant to say.

A final thought.. am back running again.. really enjoyed todays run.. with no shin pain. Running is so good for my recovery. Thanks for listening folks.. S.A 🙂

I found that when I stopped posting as much last September, I soon returned to my old ways and that for me, for now, this diary is the best way for me to remain focussed on my goal of leaving gambling behind. I know that if I go into a bookies I cannot control myself so the only way I can ensure that I do not succumb to gambling again is to stay out of the bookies.

I still want to ensure that I change and turn my life around and I know that if I go back in this will not happen.

All the best

Stumper

Hi SA,

Glad you are enjoying your running again. Hope the new job is going ok still, too.

I went running with my hubby yesterday, and did better than I would have ever dreamed! I have always told myself I can't run, but I managed 23 minutes only stopping for about 30 seconds twice. I am in agony today, because its not the form of exercise Im used to, but I don't care. The feeling of achievement is great! I think I could get hooked on it too 🙂

Anyway, hope you have a good day,

f x

Hiya SA,

Just popping in to say hiya 🙂 I hope all is going well.

Love Del x

Just a quick note to say thanks for taking the time to post on my diary--I appreciate your wise words and encouragement, very much.

If only we had the ability to give ourselves the advice that others who do not even know us are able to do!!

All the best

Stumper

Hi SA, just dropping in to say hello. It must be a godsend for you to get back running again. I have sent you a gamcare half marathon target to beat...1.47.13 secs. Keep strong russ